Goodbye 2012

Well most everyone I've talked to has said that things changed for them in 2010 and have continued to change since then. For us it is the same. One thing after another happening and keeping us constantly on our toes. Sometimes it might be nice to kick back and not have anything going on to worry about. Would be nice even if that time is short it would be appreciated. In any case there are some things I have learned about myself. 
1. I am better at expressing myself in writing than with speech. I think this is likely true for a lot of people but especially me. Growing up I was shy ...so shy I couldn't speak whenever spoken to or look people in the eyes or I'd blush so badly. I'd blush all the time horribly whether I was feeling embarrassed or not. I grew out of that but I'm still not good with the talking face to face I guess. Something I need to work on.
2. I am not good at forcing issues when it is for someone that is going to affect someone negatively. I am having to deal with a situation like that now and it is very difficult. It seems I run into it a lot and it never gets easier. :( Now if it is something I feel strongly about and I am advocating for people than yes much easier but when it is having to make someone do something they don't want to do and they have to struggle with.....no it is very difficult because it is completely against my nature to do that. (this especially comes when you are having to do role reversal with a parent.....you are 
used to them being the one in control not you and it is so unnatural to have to tell your parent what to do.....SIGHHHHH) 
3. Sometimes it is really hard to express how I feel to someone when I know they aren't going to be happy or willing to hear it. I guess I'm a softy when it comes to that. This really applies to people I care about but even when dealing with people that I don't have that emotional bond with I tend to be overly diplomatic which may be why I seem to deal with people well in those ways even when I don't feel comfortable. I am a good listener I guess.... When I get fired up though then look out. :P Even my hubby says that. He's seen me get fired up and angry or upset about something which of course I usually express through writing or art and he just says outta her way for now LOL. :) usually he says this with an amused grin kinda thing too LOL 
4. I don't usually handle change well at all. It stresses me out but after the sheer amount of change we've gone through the last few years alone I am getting better at it. Then again after a lifetime of trauma I can deal with more than I give myself credit for at times. 
5. I underestimate myself all too often. I am working on this but a lot of times I will doubt myself when I shouldn't. I guess I still catch myself downing myself a lot. My second oldest likes to give me checks on this. She is always trying to make me feel good about myself and I appreciate it. :) I hope she always keeps the positive outlook for herself as well. Sometimes she over does. Like when I say I need to lose weight...NO YOU DON'T...um no seriously I'm not trying to down myself on that one I really do LOL 
6. I have a hard time with willpower when I am overly stressed. (Like oh say with dieting and exercise LOL) 
7. I have a thing I do when I remember things that I am curious to know if this is the same for everyone else...When I remember something the memory for me is like a snapshot. Like I am looking at a photo. When I say this I mean like an actual old photo or video. So no not like a photographic memory where you remember everything or anything like that but just like looking at a photo. Anyway maybe silly but that is something my Mom and I were talking about one day. Sometimes this does help though in remembering details (such as the color and make of a car) or it can hurt in which you are remembering something that you really don't want to remember all the details in. :/ Could be quite normal just curious.
8. Some other little things are I am learning diet wise which works for me and what doesn't....as in what sets off my auto-immune issues and stomach problems and what is safe ...what to avoid entirely and what to only indulge in on occasions when I don't have plans the next day because I know I won't be feeling all that great. 
9. I am also doing better with finding my stressors that set off my anxiety or panic attacks or agoraphobia (which I am making some headway with very proud of that...the headway not the anxiety problems LOL) 
Lots of other things but I thought it might be interesting to put those down. You can always learn new things about yourself no matter how old you are or where you are in your life. Some can be quite positive and may surprise you and some may be things you need to change for a better quality of life for you but only you can determine what and how. If someone else is changing them for you it is not really change you want to bring about yourself or even change that would be better for you. Better for them not you. You are responsible for you and no one else ....though that piece of advice of course is good unless you are a parent or caregiver LOL Then it gets complicated. :/ :P Sometimes you do have to stop in the middle of everything and step back and examine it all. (Random though) Is this where you want to be? Is there anything you can do to improve things? What changes do you want in your life....not meaning the new years resolution type that will go down the drain in about a week or month if you are lucky....but what long term goals can you picture for yourself. Where would you like to see yourself in a year or two? How can you see yourself reaching that goal? (those would be your shorter term ones) Make it happen for yourself. I am working on mine. There are some I know I will never achieve but I can't say I didn't try and the trying is a journey into itself. The ones I won't achieve are dreams anyway....and who knows. Something my Mom once told me is that nothing is ever 100 percent. This can sound negative but it isn't meant to be. Nothing is ever 100 percent for sure. Everything changes constantly. Here is to hoping 2013 is a positive year with positive changes for us all. Full of growth and learning and new discoveries. 

Happy Holidays

Well we are kind of taking a break from it all through the holidays. Just focusing on family and friends and such and trying to relax some. All too soon the kids will be starting their online schooling again and this time around we have a router so they can use both computers and maybe we won't be so rushed at the end. Hoping it goes better though we will have a lot going on for the new year. Many plans and things in the works. A lot of which have to wait til some warmer or at least clearer weather. Still some kinks to work out. Hopefully things will continue to fall into place for us. We need to get our chainsaw working again so we can finish cutting up this big pine tree half out back to get rid of it...if not I'm going to have to use an axe or something and that is just a pain in the butt. I am considering myself on break right now. No big projects like that til after. I am not doing so great diet wise. I think that is one thing the holidays has been too good for me with... :/  I told hubby I do want to keep trying though and I may need some encouragement. We'll see how that goes. Really part of my problem is it is cold and I am not active when it is cold. I have RA and it HURTS plus I can't use my hands really when they are cold. It sucks. I have so many plans I'd love to talk about but really can't on here yet. Not til we get a bit further along with them. I've basically had my thoughts confirmed that this city is going to shit and we're definitely not the only ones that have noticed. I do see a brighter future for us though if things go the way I am hoping. I am just anxious for spring. Wishing it were here all ready.  Hoping life slows down though I doubt it will. Anyway have things to do so have to go for now but may actually blog more later. 

Ready to Move

I haven't had much chance to blog. Had too much going on and the kids are online a lot doing their school work. Maybe I'll have more time over break though I dunno. They are in the countdown they have a certain length of time to finish up their assignments before then. We are looking at the possibility of moving. Not sure how/where/when yet still sorting things out but hopefully we'll get it all sorted out. 
Would like to get somewhere that we can have our chickens and whatever other livestock plus a decent sized garden...a pond would be awesome too!!!! Would like to work our way more towards something with a well, solar panels, mostly off grid but still with some amenities (not ready to go offline LOL) I feel like our city is changing in such a way as that it isn't going to be a good place for us anymore. 
Some interesting stories to follow in the news
Louisiana sink hole Some research on this is interesting. The sheer size and the effect on the residents as it continues to grow. At this point they've found H2S gas. 
Mysterious Tremors in Texas
anyway I know this was a short blog but will do more when I can.

will blog soon

Will blog again soon. I've been wanting to just haven't had any time. 

Happy Halloween!

Well despite having a bumpy start to the day the evening went great. Took the kids to the business trick or treating and my youngest was all into it. She knew what to do this year LOL She went dressed as a oriental princess, my son as a "Soldier on vacation" as he put it. (army fatigues,hat, and gas mask along with a Hawaiian shirt :P) Hubby wore a kind of phantom of the opera/half moon mask which looked cool and I was a sugar skull. I was kinda rushed so didn't do it like I wanted but still got compliments. Then we went to Sonic for the 50 cent corndogs for everyone and then to my MIL's for a visit. Then we did our trick or treating. Some cool points of the night was someone flying a small plane going over and was showing off for people. Then there is a house that was set up pretty cool with someone dressed as No Face using stilts with their hands for a animalistic appearance. Pretty cool. They also had a police car set up with lights going and all. Not much else to say right now other than we did walk til we wore the kids and all out. Tomorrow is the first day of the 30 day challenge :D Yayz! (Drawing challenge) 

As time flies

 Mystery snail with beta in background....damn those snails are creepy

Time of course is speeding by as usual. My mom is still having serious health issues. On top of her organs starting to fail and the massive internal infection in her abdomen....after a blood draw the dr. informed her she has to take iron 3x a day. She should have had a transfusion in the hospital but they didn't give her one. She is very weak and still has infection. They are retesting about the 2nd week of November or so to see how it looks then but they are very worried and so am I. 
As for myself I started suffering from excruciating pressure headaches. The dr. was a bit worried with them starting out on one side because I am sort of prone to TIA's (ministrokes) but pretty much everything seemed fine other than it seems they were combination headaches. Stress/sinus/and caffiene withdrawal (which apparently can be pretty vicious in itself) and plus high blood pressure so I was put on medication for them and told to drink some caffeine each day to stave them off and then drink a lot of water (for possible dehydration) and also if they continued to stay really bad through the week call and I would need a brain scan to make sure there is not something more going on. Still having some but medicine is working and I am still suffering from stress but definitely not as bad as they were so hopefully. 
Also I've discovered Sparkpeople.com which I am loving. I had used myfitnesspal in the past and it is pretty good too but there just seems to be a lot more to offer from Sparkpeople and seems more geared to what I need. They have recipes, exercises, etc. So far so good and also to keep my blood sugar with in reason they have plans that can be tailored to your needs and I've done that. I am also trying to get back a bit into belly dance though instead of like last time .....I learned my lesson about trying to jump back in at the level I was at. I am starting off much slower. Here lately I've been a lot more tired too which is annoying. :/ 
I have been watching the presidential debates some and honestly can't figure out what it is that people seem to like about Romney. While I can see they are desperate for change and such he seems like he'd actually just bring us all the way into complete disaster in ways that we've not seen yet. He does more than just constantly flip flop. He lies...CONSTANTLY. You can pretty easily find where he says one thing and then turns and says the complete opposite sometimes in the same day. For those keeping record he's done it in under an hour before. He is snobbish and very full of himself. He also seems a bit war hungry. Maybe it is just me but that is how he comes off.  I am thinking of going third party ...not entirely sure yet but one thing is for sure I will NOT vote for Romney. He and Ryan both seem to not have a clue about women either. For some that may seem a minor issue but as a female ...well it is pretty major to me. They are also just fake. If you haven't seen the story on Ryan faking washing dishes in a soup kitchen look it up. He wasn't even supposed to be in there at all. In any case I am not sure what exactly to expect post election. Which by the way I've also found that there were like 4 or so presidents who won election not by popular vote but by the electoral votes (They voted against popular vote) Interesting. Also I've found if the 3rd party gets enough votes they open up as an option with the electoral votes. 

Anyway. Whomever wins I am really thinking there is going to be a big stink about it because the country is far too divided on this issues with very strong feelings about it on either side. 

Oh something else of note that I just find interesting is that in the last several months there have been an awful lot of white government vehicles around our small town. (SUV type) I started pointing these out to hubby and now he's been noticing as well. The tags are mostly the give away but seeing them mostly parked across from our local small grocery store. (the one that is so small most people just go to the bigger one instead) at a place that used to be a grocery store but is now used to build slot machines for the casinos. ...anyway just one of the weird type of things I notice. 

As far as the situation with my Mom I am struggling to find balance with that and my family. I do not want my Mom left alone for any length of time with her being so weak and sick. She can barely get up to go to the bathroom much less do anything else so I have to hope to find understanding with my family when this affects what we can do. (I.E. I don't like to go far and if I do I want someone close by if she needs help) she doesn't qualify for anyone to stay there full time. It is difficult. 
I am trying to work on my own health as my dr. told me that part of the reasons I've been having so much trouble lately is with a compromised immune system to begin with and a ton of stress and coming off of antibiotics myself I am really just running my body into the ground. I am trying to not overdo the exercise but yet trying to get some in each day. I need to get some of the weight off. I signed up for a 1mile walk which shouldn't be hard as it is something we used to walk all the time and I have a way to map that out on my sparkpeople thing. I have it all ready. On another note I am doing the 30 character challenge which starts Nov. 1st and runs all through November. Something that isn't that demanding but that which challenges myself at the same time. 

Back to where we were

 Some of the new playground equipment at our local park

Information on bats

I thought this was interesting

 Inside the hippo

What a hippo has inside it 

Every time I think we are to where things might settle down (Though I will admit I'm not feeling like things were settled anyway) something else happens. Things always seem to happen all at once when they happen. This time around it was my Mom going back to the hospital by ambulance. She was saying she didn't feel right and was having stomach issues and felt dizzy and so I went to call her nurses and before I could even do that my oldest came running over to tell me she'd fallen. I called 911 instead and ran over to find her laying face down on the floor in the hallway. She could speak but couldn't seem to move and after the paramedics showed up when they tried to turn her over she started seizing so they had to rush her out. Turned out she had a massive infection through out her entire large intestine and stomach. She has Crohn's which is something I am to be tested for which during this whole thing I had to cancel my appt. with the gastro ironically. I've been suffering what appears to be the worst tension headache I've ever had. I almost went to the ER myself over it. It felt like my head was going to explode and mainly remained on the left side of my head and since I seem to be prone to TIA's (mini strokes) I was getting worried. It seems to have eased up today. Anyway I made it to see her while she was in the ER Thanks to my MIL who watched the kids for us for a bit. During the stay in the hospital which wound up lasting about a week it seems (not quite but still) her oxygen levels remained low til today, her vitals were very low. Blood pressure couldn't register on the machine. They put her on antibiotics and were beginning to worry that they weren't working. Finally they sent her home and they had her vitals and all up but still have her on antibiotics because there is still infection and want her to have a scope done to attempt to find the source. I personally worry that they sent her home too early. She's been in intense pain all week. During all of this my oldest ran into some friends of hers and then decided to move in with one of them so to prevent too much activity and more going on in the house than need be she came and got all her belongings before my Mom got home which really she was just finishing up as my Mom got in. (We'd tried to help by removing it all from my Mom's house so my oldest could pick everything up without disturbing her) So all of that went well and I hope everything works out for everyone all the way around. My husband took the younger 3 kids to the park today (I say younger 2 of them are teens) where they've installed new playground equipment and I am really impressed with the equipment they chose. Like a hippo that shows all the internal organs of a hippo inside...(Will post pics if I can) educational things. My youngest is so obsessed with it now that she kept the newspaper article about the new equipment so she can see the pictures LOL :) She cracked me up with that. (This is my 3 year old that did this) I stayed with my Mom because honestly I'm afraid to leave her alone right now. Also they'd given her heparin to prevent clots even though she is a free bleeder so immediately as soon as she got home she had a raging nose bleed. So anyway we are back to square one of my oldest having moved out (Not a bad thing really just hoping this time it goes better for her) My Mom being sick and needing the 24/7 care again which falls on us because she doesn't qualify for the care she needs, back to me having health issues from a combination of stress and my lupus....One of these days if things ever slow down I won't know what to do with myself ....though I'm sure I will find something ;)

Little bit of catch up

 Only in Oklahoma

Today is one of those semi-quiet days for me that I actually have a little time to blog. This has been so busy but seriously when are things not for me. :/ We went to court on the city thing and plead not guilty so have to wait til end of November for trial. Curious to see how that all goes. Anxious to get it over with and hopefully move on. That was a totally different experience than I've had before. Very laid back it seemed. We sat there for around 2 and half hours waiting on our turn but there is no bailiff or anything like that. They just call your name and you go stand directly in front of the judge and then when you are done with him you scoot over a little so that you are in front of the court clerk and finish any business there. We paid our bond early....didn't have to pay it til the week before court and if we win the case I think we get all that back. Which would be nice. Especially before the holidays. Anyway so got that out of the way for now. I've got an appt. finally with a gastro dr. I'm a bit nervous about that one but the dr. wanted me to kind of get a head of things since Crohn's runs so heavily in my family and to help keep it from getting half as bad as my Mom's I hope. I will have an appt. with a Rheumatologist to help me with my Lupus and RA and such. Hopefully though will remain as med free as I can. I do NOT want to become dependent on any medications. I don't mind taking them for when I need them but I hate the thought of any daily type thing. :/ Other than my vitamins which I finally found some I can take....Gummy ones for adults LOL :) Only ones that don't seem to bother my stomach. I'd recommend them for anyone else too who has that problem of them causing stomach upset or have a problem with taking those horse pills. I have decided to make myself some fingerless gloves for my arthritis since I prefer mobility and need something in the winter. Gads I hate feeling like a 20 year old in an 80 year old body. Very annoying. I did see some I'd like to buy too. I may get them anyway. I have it really bad in my feet too. :( Anyway I still do what I can to find ways around it. 
I finally bought a pumpkin to paint though haven't had a chance to paint it yet. I thought I'd found an oversized sketch pad but turned out it was newsprint. :/ I used to LOVE to draw on those though. May still try and find one. We replaced pretty much all of our living room furniture except the desk (which I want to keep), The coffee table (it works in here for now) and the entertainment center (want to replace) and then a book shelf. Got a new couch and a couple of chairs and a sewing machine cabinet and long dresser type thing (forget what my husband calls it) but it looks a lot nicer in here. Now I just want to repaint my walls where my youngest colored on them (maybe a darker color) and put down a rug again and get covers for the chairs. Most of this was things my MIL was replacing that she sent our way but it is very appreciated. We also wound up with a small trampoline for my youngest (also for me to use sometimes. I really do want to lose weight :(  ) 
I finally got my Halloween decorations out. I also have a garden spider on my porch that I was teasing about having to put a sign next to her saying this one is real. She laid an egg sack in our spider plant appropriately enough... LOL :) 
I have some posting to do on the recent political debates but I shall do that in another blog....maybe today if I get the time. 

B is for Busy and Blah

Sometimes you have to wonder if life will ever calm down or make sense. Anyway...I guess most recent events here are: We have court coming up this week for that deal with the city. Should be interesting. Really just kind of want to have it over with and hoping all goes well. Would be super nice if the city attorney looks over it and decides to drop it before we even have court. Would be even better if I am feeling better by then. I am not feeling well at all right now. I had an infection seem to pop up out of nowhere in my jaw. Happened to have some antibiotics left from when I was taking them for the cuts on my legs so I started them last night and am calling the dr. probably tomorrow. It seems to have extended to the whole right side of my face and last night I was having dizzy spells and such which isn't good. :/ On top of this have a bit of a sinus thing going on it seems. :( I hate being sick. Yet for some reason all of this seems to make people want to be right on top of me today. I can't even smile but at the moment I keep needing to laugh so quite the problem. LOL Doing some changing up of things around the house it looks like. Changing out furniture and stuff not really a bad thing. It needs it. Trying to get the weed eating and mowing done again and things keep breaking so that is not so easy at the moment. We haven't even dug out Halloween decorations yet plus it has dropped off cold so no one really wants to be outside much. There just doesn't seem to be a happy medium. I guess I will blog more later as I'm not really so into it at the moment but wanted to do a quick update. 

Grocery bills rising

Well we made my son's stepping stone. Will post a pic with this. I always love how when you remove them from the mold they dry they are shiny like glass. Very pretty. 
Anyway I have to share this from Preparedness Pro  Now as I've said I take any news story with some caution (attention to news sources and such) and research. This one hits home as I've been watching this myself for awhile. The woman who writes this was on one of the preppers shows (though now they seem to be losing interest in showing the actual stories and are asking people to do some crazy stuff for the camera...I guess they don't think preppers are as crazy as they thought they'd be for the most part and needed more of an entertainment factor....) anyway. She is very good about doing her own research and following up on her own sources before she posts things. Very down to earth. A lot of the things she posts are very resourceful whether you prep or not. Anyway I don't even need her report (though it is very well done and thought out) to tell me that we are headed downhill economy wise and the cost of groceries are going to skyrocket. This is mainly because there are a plethora of things coming together to make this happen. First off the drought that took out so much of our nations crop as well as other weather disasters. It isn't just in the US either it has been worldwide. I believe I posted a global drought impact map awhile back. Global drought monitor. Now again, this is just the drought this is not even taking into consideration the other weather that has come into play and been more widespread and stronger than it has in a long time. Tornadoes, floods, hail storms, wind storms, etc.... just to name a few. This loss of crops means not just a loss of those types of foods. This affects the cost of gasoline (Ethanol/corn), feed for livestock, loss of livestock as farmers cull their herds and flocks, in turn this hits the grocery stores and restaurants hard. People are all ready having trouble finding jobs (mainly other than low paying jobs that can't maintain a family income even though they are trying). More and more people are having to rely on help to make it. It is a domino effect we are looking at. Even the economists are saying we are in a downward spiral. 

Catalog review 3

Falling a bit behind on this but things have been so busy haven't had time. Also had this typed out once and comp. crashed I think.

1. Walter Drake Interesting. Has a few things I seriously might order. (like some of the bowls on the front) Lots of low cost gift type items. Lots of variety and lots of those as seen on tv type of items. Worth it for some gift shopping ideas or those finding things that make life easier items. 

2. The Lighter Side This one has a lot of fun unique gift items and is generally just fun to look through. Lots of fun, collector type, or joke type items as well. T-shirts and such are not bad priced either. 

3. Destination XL or DXL Mens big and tall clothing store. Definitely has some of the harder to find clothing sizes (like 6 and 7xl) BUT the clothes are really pretty costly. Worth a look though for the harder to find clothing sizes for men. Unsure of quality.

4. Discount School Supply Active and Discount School Supply Infants and toddlers  I put these two together cause it is the same link for both. Full of very interesting ideas for the young crowd. A a bit on the expensive side for the average household but if you are running a home daycare or for say educating larger groups etc this would be excellent. 

5. Easy Comforts personal care and health care needs items. This would be great for the elderly or disabled especially. Cost does not seem too bad for the items. I plan on sharing this one with my elderly mother. Some unique or hard to find items as well.     

6. Gardener's Supply Company The on sale items are not bad. This has some great garden supplies in it just some of them can be pretty costly.

Will continue later... LOL Got a little one that it is about time for bed for her. 

My daughters artwork :)  

Well today went really really well. We had our meeting and that went even better than I ever expected. Don't want to say too much til after court date but lets just say things definitely seem to be falling in our favor. Got a hold of the missing code and lets just say that one may turn out to be key. I think they are used to dealing with people who just take things at face value and don't research or ask questions. I learned a long time ago always check things out on your own. I got screwed over a few times for not doing so as thoroughly as I do now. 
In any case waiting to see if this one person calls me back but we'll see what happens. In any case our court date is approaching and I all ready know what plea I shall enter and then we'll see how this all goes after that. ;) 

On another note I finally got my daughter to turn in her art assignment which was 3 drawings showing line (suggested line), texture, etc so they could see what kind of skills she has and they were very impressed with her work. Hoping this keeps her motivated as neither of the two doing schooling right now seem to have as much of that as they need but trying to get them back on track again.

I got a large amount of catalogs some of which are really interesting that I will do reviews on later. Haven't had a chance yet. Did watch a movie the other night...Humans vs. Zombies it was very B-grade but at the same time not bad. 

I am in a super good mood right now. Wanting to draw or sing or something (dance...dancing would be good) anyway I've also started playing a game on the PS2 called frequency. It is a DJ mix type game and it is kinda hard at first but I am hooked. 

Stepping stone

Yesterday was really too busy for me to blog any...despite the fact that we canceled pretty much everything we'd had scheduled. No one was feeling good and I could hardly stay awake. I think my lupus flare up has decided to stick around for awhile. :/ All the stuff we had for yesterday was moved to tomorrow. Tomorrow is also Chance's birthday. Our youngest son who had trisomy 18 and passed at birth. (For more information on Trisomy 18 Trisomy18.org I plan on putting more information about it on facebook as my ex friend was trying to tell my oldest daughter a bunch of untrue things about this condition and calling me a liar about it even though they could have looked it up herself and saw the facts for them self. He would have been 5 this year. Every year we buy and create a stepping stone for him. This year we went with a solar light in the center of it and glow in the dark stones. I hope eventually to have a rock garden especially for these stones with some aloe and cactus and such in it. We also usually make a cake which I need to see if I have one to make. We will have to probably do it in the evening tomorrow and let it set up for the next day or so since the weather is wet for a change. Today my oldest finally gets to go to the gastro and hopefully get started figuring out what has made her so sick for so long. Unfortunately Crohn's runs in our family and so this is a possibility but hoping that it is something fixable or something that she can bring under control to have a much more comfortable life rather than dealing with this all the time. On the front of the fight with the city I found out a few things yesterday that actually help some and then tomorrow I should know more and have a more definitive look on how we want to do things. Well just got a phone call and looks like one of those things will be taken care of today....

What do I want???

 Just some artwork...I need to take more photos for my blogs :P

Today was kind of tiring but the week isn't over. As I said in my previous blog we spent 2 hours at least at the dentist office. My youngest had to have a spacer put in and it was her first time doing this with out one of us back there. *Sniff* My son is going to have to see an orthodontist before we figure out what comes next for him. He is like me. Baby teeth don't want to come out and some teeth never formed. Poor kid. Just waiting mostly to see what insurance tells them they can do. 
It was really hot today and I am wishing for some decent fall weather to come in and cool things off so I can get some serious yard work done providing I can get the kids to actually help with Abby. Hubby tries but hadn't been home much though he has been this week but we've been trying to get stuff done. 
I am hopefully going to find out more on what to do with our situation regarding the city tomorrow. Today we found out that the city basically wants us to go to court and plead our case and probably pay court costs but not the fine (though from the sounds of it court costs will likely be MORE than the fine) They claim they will leave us alone after this and that they are going to look into the violations I mentioned in the paper that are all around at neighbors houses including a HUGE wood pile with concrete chunks in it and poles and such, several other wood piles, tall grass etc. They kept talking about our yard and the only thing we can deduce is they are talking about the parts I hadn't weed eated since they last had seen it yet...again. My weedeater sucks by the way. I want to get one like what I saw in fingerhut that I can pay out that weed eats and also can mow some. Hubby has mowed when he is home (Our mower is really touchy or I'd be doing it I'd like to get the other one fixed so I can) anyway.... We have it all picked up. Just a small spot or so in the carport but otherwise that looks good. We were told we could likely keep our wood shed after I explained about it having the metal braces and such in it. (I photographed EVERYTHING that I could think of by the way I just need to print the photos) I also paid for the article out of the news star showing that the ordinance was changed in 2009 to allow chickens in town. I just wish I could find the other papers I need. I did print off all the ordinance stuff they gave me. I get the impression they are used to dealing with people that take things at face value. I learned not to do that a long time ago. ALWAYS do your own research. Anyway we'll see how this plays out. Got a little longer to go. I still want to move when this place is paid off. I want to live somewhere that I can have a garden that I can expand on... a greenhouse even. I want to have my chickens maybe some quail and doves. I want to have maybe a few goats and learn to process goat cheese and milk. I want to be at least semi self sufficient. I want that feeling of peace that living in the country always brought me no matter what I was going through and I've been through some rough sh*t in my lifetime. I want trees. I would love it even more if I had woods to escape in or a canyon or creek. I want to have access to an out of the way road or something to ride a bike on or go for walks. (too much?) I want most of all to not have other people up my arse to tell me how to live or have to worry constantly about who is going to jump in line to screw with me next. Yeah I want some other things I know I can never/will never have but I can still daydream about those LOL There are things though that are accessible that I can try for. I plan to reach for the stars. I think where I am now I am not in a place that allows for growth or for forward movement in life. In several different ways.

Catalog review part 2

Well I got a good sized stack of them today and we had a dental appt for two of the kids and actually sat there long enough to look through them all. (at least two hours with only one kid back there at a time and at least one of them driving us batty) so here they are....

1. Growers Supply  This one really impressed me. Huge catalog and I think just about anything you might need for greenhouses, gardening, and even poultry, small farm needs, etc. They even sent a free pair of gardening gloves and this was all inside a sample of their foil insulation product. (What I used to carry my catalogs today) Very nice. Good prices really for everything as well. I might even order our replacement pump for our water cooler from it. Not sure yet. If we ever get moved out to the country where we can have a greenhouse I know where to get some of my materials from. Very nice and worth a look.

2. Terry's Village  I saw lots of Christmas ideas in here for good prices. (Shipping doesn't look too bad either) Lots of homey type crafts and such. Really not much to say other than a good place for gift ideas within budget. 

3. Design Toscano Something for everyone I think. Varying price range from affordable to a bit on the expensive (but worth it) side. Lots of art and statues for varying tastes. I told hubby after our problems with the city I want this Bwahahahahahah in our yard. (Hercules and Diomedes....Hey it is Greek art)  Anyway this one just has some absolutely awesome stuff in it. Steampunk Skull Plenty of things I'd love to have all over my house and yard. Can't say enough about it. 

4. S&S Worldwide This one has pretty widely varying price ranges as well. Think of it as a bit more extensive Oriental Trading Company catalog and with maybe a bit more quality items. It has tons of crafts supplies that you can buy in bulk for classrooms or whatever and then it also has therapy type items like for people with arthritis or learning disabilities. It is definitely worth a look. Saw a bunch of stuff that I would possibly want to get later on. I would love to kind of have a store where people come in and buy the art kit and there is a table set up for them to work on them with their kids and such. Just something fun to do. 

5. The Land of Nod  (Computer crashed half way through my reviews but thankfully it saved for me) anyway this one while a bit expensive is pretty awesome. Besides having very unique whimsical items they also have ideas for creating a personalized space for your little one as well. Such as putting those boards you can build lego cities on...on the wall. Really cute decorating ideas. Also one bedding piece caught my attention. It was a princess and the pea bed set and had CUTE the pea was adorable. They have something for pretty much any taste and it looks to me like the catalog itself is just a small sampling of their wares. Definitely worth a look for anyone with kids of any age.

6. Soft Surroundings  This one is for clothing and I will say I like the style and the clothes look to be uber comfortable. However this one is pretty out of my price range though it might be fitting for others. 

7. Sur La Table This one while some things can be a bit pricey still seemed pretty reasonable for the most part. It would be a great place to find gifts for serious cooks and people who enjoy their time in the kitchen. Has some pretty unique items I think as well. Have a good variety of aprons too which is something I don't see a lot of. (Usually see a variety of plain ole barbeque type) This one had some stuff for halloween that was kind of cute. Halloween fun 

8. Personal Creations This one is as the name says. Personalized gift items and the prices are pretty good. I saw a few things I wouldn't mind getting for friends or family. Definitely worth a look for the holidays ;) 

Looks like that concludes my catalog adventures for today. Definitely helps with the gift ideas too.  

Catalogs Reviews: Part 1.

 one of my drawings 

For some reason I've always enjoyed perusing catalogs. I guess I'm a bit of a daydreamer. I recently decided to send off for a bunch of free ones and see what they were like. The site I used is Catalog Monster. I thought it might be kind of fun to review them. I didn't order every single catalog by the way though it may seem like it LOL. Just the ones I thought I would find interesting to look through and see if they are places I might eventually be interested in ordering from. The first ones I received contained some really pricey items. Anyway here goes...*and I will include the links to the sites if possible in case anyone is interested in these for themselves...

Magic Kitchen  This one is a prepared meal site. It proclaims to be good for senior citizens which is what had caught my attention and I wanted to see what they had to offer and about the cost as it may have been something my Mom might have been interested in but to be honest it seems a bit pricey. Not sure of the quality of the meals...they may be quite good but to me seemed to resemble tv dinners. Though you do have the option of choosing a selection based on like if you are watching your salt intake or cholesterol then you can choose a "set" of meals that keep that in mind. One "set" for example is the One serving meals selection number 1...
Chicken marsala, Mashed potatoes
Spinach Mushroom lasagna
Beef with Bordelaise sauce, Rice with mixed vegetables
Shrimp fettucini alfredo, Verdura flatbread
(then this repeats so apparently 2 of each) 
then for dessert 
Tiramasu
Chocolate Ganache cake

This in single servings is $135.99 (plus shipping) and again these to me resemble the type of meals you would find in your freezer section at the grocery store....so really if it is something you are interested in and in your price range check it out but I believe in our situation this is just not something that would save any of us any money or really be anything my Mom would be interested in. 

Catalog 2.
Mark T. Wendell Tea Company  Now this one is more my style. I enjoy tea and I enjoy different flavors. One of my favorites is Orange spice though I like some variety. This one, while a bit above my price range for the most part, seems more reasonable in what they ask. This looks to me like some high quality tea though I've not had a chance to try any and they also offer supplies such as diffusers and tea pots. Some examples of prices are 2" Snap Mesh Tea Ball spoon $3.25 Finum Tea Control Teapots: $25.00-$27.00
Pheonix and dragon teapot with 2 cups $52.00 and I saw teas ranging anywhere from $5 something for some fruit varieties to $36.00 for some of the loose teas. A bit of something for everyone I think.

Catalog 3. 
Cabela's Garden Harvest
Now this one is for the named catalog specifically though the link leads to where pretty much all of Cabela's catalogs are. I have ordered a few different ones from there. This one really was pretty reasonable while still above my price range I could see spending the amounts asked for on the items. This one in particular was mostly based around meat processing, drying, and seasonings. I swear I think you could open your own meat processing/sausage/jerky type set up with this stuff. :P 
Anyway check it out. I might hang on to this one.

Catalog 4. 
Pioneer Linens 
Okay this one...I have to admit the first page really makes me wonder about some people. Yes I can see spending money on things that mean a lot to you, things that are of good quality, etc....But why..WHY would you spend $965 on your bathroom wastebasket? WTF. Why would you have a wastebasket (one of those itty bitty things) designed in lead crystal with gold leaves etched in and spend that much on it. It is a wastebasket....to hold waste....trash...   I so don't understand. Sheets....maybe but they'd better be some several hundred thread nice ass sheet but a frigging trash can? Their sheets were actually cheaper. Like $600 or so for some of them. More than anything I'd ever spend but something I can sort of understand. The toilet paper holder I saw in there was $60.00  Their laundry soaps and sprays were actually a decent price. Anyway I didn't really find anything that suited my taste in there. Someone else might though...not me LOL :) 

Anyway I have a ton more coming and I am oddly enough finding that kinda fun. There are a few really interesting ones I am really excited about but haven't gotten those yet. Guess it is like a form of window shopping plus sometimes you can get ideas for things that you can do for way cheaper without sacrificing all the quality.

Dreams

 drawing I did in art rage. 

I forgot to put this in my regular blog earlier and I've been wanting to kind of keep a dream log lately as they've been pretty vivid and weird. I had one a week or so about my friend's ex husband and I was there watching him talk about moving and this is a real possibility though I hope he doesn't try it. Not very detailed but felt important. 
The next one that stuck in my mind was I was riding a bike (don't have one though I'd like to have...also don't have the figure I had in the dream which I might have if I did in fact have one...Bwahahahha) anyway I was out by where I used to live in Pink and was going down what seemed to be Hwy 102 and it was fall. Lots of beautiful bright fall leaves (not sure if we will actually get much of that this year in reality but it was a very pretty array) Bright oranges, reds, yellows and it had that crisp air feel to it. It was late in the day but there was still just enough light. I was going somewhere but still had a bit of distance to go and the rest of it was on a side road where the trees stretched over the road and it was getting just late enough that it was going to be dark soon if I were to continue on. There was a feeling of nervousness at the thought of continuing after dark as I was alone but yet it made no sense to turn back as I'd all ready ridden so far (from wherever it is I had come from) I was enjoying myself but didn't know whether to go on or turn back and there was some doubt at the thought of either. I was in the middle of that decision when I woke up....though I think I was going to try to hurry and make it to my destination as it would have been dark going back too... I can see a lot of metaphor and such in that one. (also I think I had a good soundtrack going in the dream LOL I like it when I have those dreams where music is playing) 
Then the last one I can remember for now was really a lot like the one I had where I was watching the synapses fire (blue light by the way in that one) and something about consciousness changing  this one though was more of a physical change the body morphing to adapt as well as the chemistry etc....Yeah I know those two are hard to describe or make sense of really. Weird. 
We shall see if I dream tonight. So long as it is not nightmares....oh yeah there are also those other type that I can't really write down but that I don't remember much of anyway. The...non-nightmares LOL 

Crunch time

My entry for the frontier days T-shirt for 2010...I also have this without the writing on it. 

Well okay not really yet but this next week looks to be super busy. I am getting a lot farther in getting things done. Got the carport almost done to my satisfaction (and hopefully the city's) Though I did get a copy of the codes and so far find that a lot of them really do not fit our situation at all. Especially the one the fine is on. Soooooooo we shall see. Especially when there are several violations around us that are much larger violations and they are not touching ANY of them. Say blocked side walk, very large brush/debris pile...and there is a garage/carport thing that if they want to see dilapidated (there is apparently no such code for lean to structure and our wood shed even has metal braces on the supports) anyway I can show them this carport (and the other things) and I mean it is to the point where I am absolutely shocked to see that the person still parks their car in it. It looks to be about to cave in any moment. So anyway still going to go talk to the lawyer and see what to do from here and also have a couple of other routes we may take. We shall see. I still am saying the way they are doing this is crooked and they need to go back to using photos to show you what the violation in question is so that they can't go back later and go oh yeah we were talking about this instead or also or whatever. Or just general oh we have a complaint about this (say a building for example...but they can't even tell you which building). Yes I will continue to be miffed til this is over and then maybe still will be. 
Anyway so besides dealing with that today we went and got 3 masks for the kids for Halloween...didn't really intend to pick them up but hell we haven't even had a chance to think about it yet and I don't have a clue what I want to dress up as. I did decide I am going to lighten my hair...a lot. I finally got a box of stuff to lighten it (that supposedly even works on black hair) to a very light almost white blonde. Might have it fade into my other colors but I've been pondering over this for awhile. Another thing we picked up today was shoes. Another thing we didn't really intend to. We really went for a new toilet seat because ours has pretty much died. Got the last one they had. ....anyway I have needed shoes for awhile. I have fallen arches and a bone spur and the foot dr. informed me I need shoes with good arches...that was egads....atleast a year or more ago? Maybe two. Any shoes I've gotten for the last several years (okay as long as I can remember...it has been awhile) have been hand me downs. Except for the flats I bought to wear to my oldest's graduation. So point is first brand new pair I've bought in a long time. Nice pair of Dr. Scholl's running shoes. (Yes I am going on about a stupid pair of shoes) they were $15 but this was at a buy out store so.... Now I'm trying to break them in. Hoping they help some with the excruciating foot pain I have constantly. I am getting tired of hobbling around like an old woman when inside I feel like a more active person than that. It is annoying. 
Something that is coming up that I am looking forward to is the Frontier days thing that our city has once a year. They had gotten to where they've moved it around a lot but in 2010 I entered the T-shirt contest. (Hmmm think I will use that as my photo for this blog) I didn't win but I haven't seen anything to enter the contest for this year. Would kind of be fun. Guess I need a more simple design as well. I think the year I entered it was a wagon wheel that won with some other stuff like a boot and a cactus. I can't remember. I want to start brushing up on my art. I just wish things would slow down around me some so that my attention was not needed elsewhere constantly and I could have some quiet time to sit and draw. I did get some drawing done the other night but it was with constant interruption. 

Art and TGIF (general stuff)

 Use caution when emptying trash barrels

Well I am feeling a bit better despite some sinus pain (searing my eyes are going to pop out of my head any minute type) Went to the library today and did some printing papers off (can you hear me rubbing my hands together with the bwahahahhaahahing? ;) ) Still will have some more to print off once I get some photos taken. Will explain more on that when I can. Anyway. While we were there I picked up some books to brush up on my art skills. I don't care who you are whether you are professional, novice, beginner etc. It never hurts to go and try to pick up new skills or brush up on old ones. Never stop trying to learn something new. I did a little last night on my artrage program but my youngest kept waking up so that got pretty interrupted. *sigh* Looking forward to working on it more. Got some yard work I want to get done over the weekend. I want to make some CD's of some music I have on here to listen to while I work. May try setting up the big art table thing that hubby brought home a while back. Got plans this weekend also to get some more in depth cleaning on my house in. Was going through and making sure everything was done every night but been chaotic with my oldest home. Next week is my younger son's birthday (also the day he passed) and we make a stepping stone every year for him. This year he would have been 5 years old. So that is something we'll be doing next week on his birthday. One day I hope to have a rock garden for him to put them all in as well as some stuff like cactus and aloe plants (I have several aloe plants going now off the main plant that I bought at a yard sale one year.) Want to make a little greenhouse but not while the city is down our throats about stuff. We were going to do that somewhat with the carport. We were/(may still) remake the front porch with a cement floor. Anyway not sure what the future holds in any department right now. Just have to go along and see what happens. 

hot again

95 ...I kind of liked the low 80's mid 70's. 

Well Today has actually been a bit better. Called to try and find out more on my situation with the city but couldn't get a hold of one person though I did finally get a copy of the ordinances that regard my situation and after examining them I think we may have a case. I will decide after next week and I will be talking to a lawyer to see what they think. Really it all comes down to can we afford it and what the lawyer says. Not sure yet. Anyway just want them to leave us alone until we can get this place paid off and get moved out of city limits. Hubby wants to actually sue for harassment and I'm not sure if we'll go that far but we'll see. There are some under-workings I don't want to put here yet. Will later maybe as things take more shape. There are several problems with their complaints. 

Anyway enough said in that area. In other news my oldest has things fairly straightened out with her SSI and it appears that they are in fact going to go ahead and pursue a fraud investigation on the payee that kept all her money. They had an appt. this week and never showed. Plus they've been bragging about blowing money lately. Anyway so hopefully that gets all taken care of. She is apartment hunting right now in hopes of finding something soon. 

I will try and post something on actual news stories instead of personal life stuff soon. Lots of tension at home due to so much going on in our personal lives and this is how I vent ....though while I'm trying to type I keep getting interrupted constantly. Had some kind of illness go through seems like flu. Made me want to do nothing but sleep yesterday and I still feel a bit off today. Hard sneezing and such the day before that. My son seems to have it today and my youngest is acting as though she doesn't feel good and is feeling a bit warm. 

Too much to do and not enough time to do it. 

Moving right along

Woke up today sneezing my head off which is how I went to bed last night as well. Starting to think it may be a tad more than allergies which sucks since my body is fighting off plenty of other things right now. Plus last night my youngest poked me in the eyeball. I swear she has dead on aim for my eyes even when asleep. Anyway yesterday was fairly productive. My friends came over with a trailer and managed to catch my husband home (He's been gone like the last 3 days most of the day out with his Mom til late) so we got all the wood pile loaded, a lazy susan cabinet, and some other stuff and then they left and dropped that off and came back and we gave them the swimming pool which we can't really put up due to the freakish zoning laws regarding if you have a house on the corner. Anyway hubby left after that and I went and was moving totes that we keep food in (extra dried goods) and found that a lid was not put back down on one. (I'm still going to say it was when my second oldest was looking for a bag of sugar to refill the container and didn't put the lid back on right) anyway so the mice got in and of course ruined a whole totes worth of food. I was not impressed. There were still a bunch of mice in the tote I guess they figured they had it made so I showed the neighborhood cat who thinks he lives here and he went to work. I wish I would have recorded this. The first several he ate after he caught and I'd close the lid so the rest couldn't escape. Then he actually would catch two at a time in his mouth. He got full I guess and the next thing he did was off the wall crazy for me. He decided he still needed to catch all the mice in the tote but wasn't hungry so he'd catch them kill them pretty much instantly and then set them in a pile and go back for more. I knew there were a lot around due to the drought and looking for water though here in the last few weeks we've started getting some rain but I'm starting to think something is up because people have been noticing mice, spiders, and scorpions and such on the increase. They are coming up like crazy (mice for us and some spiders no scorpions though knock on wood) We set poison in the shed where the cats can't get it in hopes of killing any that try to nest in there and will be setting traps as well. Anyway our next thing is to mow and weed eat again and try to finish getting the wood shed torn down. I repainted the trim and stuff around  the windows on one side of the house and painted the posts and front piece on the front porch. Wound up realizing later I didn't take anything down for dinner so just did leftovers and wound up not eating anything myself til later that night I went ahead and made some sausage and waffles. Hubby had made it in around 9 or so again. We were told yesterday about a prospective thing that could help a lot. Some place that will help you one time with repairing anything your house needs and if they can't fix it up then they will tear it down and build you a new one. Would be awesome and very helpful if that pans out. Trying to find out more about it. My oldest is trying to find a place of their own and get on her own feet. She may have found a place just waiting on her check now so she can pay first month's rent. I was having weird dreams last night. Something about Washington which I need to tell my friend about. Was struggling to remember this morning. Anyway I need to try to get myself moving to make it through the day. Hopefully my stomach settles and my sinus medicine I am going to take works but doesn't kick my arse too badly. 

And back up to present...

 Garden spider ...one of several

Well things are definitely changing rapidly. Really a bit too rapidly at the moment. I went through and unlocked my blogs so those are open again. My mom is off and on. I have to go in with her to the dr. next week. Kind of nervous about that but she has been sleeping almost constantly, no facial expressions really at all when she speaks to anyone and when she is talking to people she tends to close her eyes and nod off while sitting up. She may have one awake chipper day in there every now and then but mostly is pretty out of it all the time. The nurses are getting concerned again. I've found my stroke seems to have affected my right side which I believe is the side it affected last time as well. It is affecting my gait and I am having a bit of a limp. (Before I used a cane for a long time...may have to dig it back out for the bad days but hopefully not) It is making my hip and knee on that side hurt from the change too. Still trucking along. We got hit with a fine and a court date and the city is being unrelenting on attacking us. At this moment waiting on a couple of things to see if they will either A. reduce the fine or B. do away with it if we agree to spend the 250 on a dumpster or something and basically do away with pretty much everything. Still disagreeing with what they are doing entirely but doing it anyway to appease them and then when the house is paid off we want to get the hell out (which is probably what they are pushing for honestly and we'd oblige but we don't have the money to do it) We've all ready lost money in this. The time and effort on the chickens, the wood shed we have to tear down, etc. I do have suggestions for them. I sent it in to the countywide and they mistakenly re-posted my original post but said they would post the new letter next time. Basically I believe that they should follow in Shawnee's foot steps and put their ordinances online on their city website. I think this would help a lot of people. I also believe they should go back to presenting photos of said violations so that 1. You know exactly what they complaint is about ...they can't be all vague and 2. They can't change the nature of the complaint later. I also agree with what was said that if they are going to start wanting to upholding the ordinances that basically they themselves have ignored for years and years then don't sit there and pick out certain houses to hit make it the same (equal) for everyone. They are picking on things (like my wood shed) that have been there since before I owned this house. The wood shed alone has been there AT LEAST 15 years that I know of. Plus the wood shed was not on the notice but that is what we are getting fined for. I don't think that is right. It was something we were told about via phone later and we were complying. We have a friend who may loan us a trailor this weekend to remove the shed and anything else. I am doing the yard work and stuff post stroke but of course they don't care (or maybe they think I am making that shit up I dunno) but I injured myself with glass trying to pull the big pieces out of a broken pane and putting them in a box so the trash men wouldn't hurt themselves. I have about a 2 1/2 maybe? (I dunno) inch cut on my inner thigh and then the other day I was out using the weedwhacker. It has a touchy trigger and it had hit a large rock funny (again my stroke is affecting my right side and I am right handed so not really that steady anyway) and it bounced up and hit both legs. I am fairly cut up. Went in and got on antibiotics for it as with the lupus I don't heal like I should and there is some worry of infection. Was told I need to take it easy but really I can't. This stuff has to get done. My husband mowed and he is the one that watches Abby while I go out and do this. I caught a bit of weird reaction from the Mayor for that as he had assumed my husband was the one doing the stuff. Anyway I need to go weed eat and I am so tired. I can't sleep really anymore and my hip is killing me. The dr. gave me something for nerves/stress with everything going on. Trying to not take any and I haven't yet but maybe Monday. Guess I am worried about side effects plus if it makes me drowsy I can't work and I have to. I really don't have time to rest mostly though I do sleep in the mornings because that is the only time I can really drift off. The stress of the deal with my Mom is getting me. My oldest is back home temporarily til she can get an apartment and gets her money. She basically had moved in with someone I thought was a friend. Someone I still kept at somewhat of a distance because we don't seem to be on the same page with a lot of stuff but still. I'd known this person since middle school and she wound up being far more two faced than I could ever imagine. Turns out SHE was the one who called DHS and stirred up trouble when there was none. She was also doing a thing where she would lie to me about my oldest and then lie to my oldest about me I guess trying to keep us apart not realizing we'd talk and put two and two together and she played it up good. I actually even bought some of it for awhile. She pretty much took my oldest for everything she had and was belittling her health issues saying I put all that in her head. (Um Hello the dr referred her to a gastro dr. for a reason and they have to have a reason or insurance will not allow the referral) Anyway the ex friend caused the health issues to become worse in some ways (Pushing milk on her which I told her she should have flat out refused) but was telling her that it was all in her head etc that she couldn't drink it....she is lactose intolerant and also soon to be tested for other stomach issues. She went back to throwing up every day after that. Since she's been here she's seen the dr and is doing better. She also found out about another issue (incident) health related) that occured or well she knew but rather confirmed it that should have been checked out at an ER but the friend refused to take her and also gave her a hard time about going the one time she did. She also had her thinking she had a ride to the gastro and waited til the day of to tell her she wasn't taking her so that she didn't have another ride. Then telling her she didn't need it. She had waited a year for that appt. Then as of right now she has kept her money. She also told her she put her on her two year lease and it increased her rent and so she owed her more. (She isn't on a lease) So anyway she got screwed all the way around though learned a valuable life lesson even if it was learned the hard way and seems to be back on track. Just gotta wait til she gets her money again but in the meantime is looking at apartments and such and getting her health care lined out. I learned something as well.... that the friend was not any kind of a friend at all. I've had a lot of other friends saying told ya so. LOL I knew to keep her at arms length but apparently that was too close still. Anyway she is out of our lives so far other than the stories I imagine she continues to tell other people but really who gives a flip unless it starts to affect us in which case...um yeah. We'll see. Anyway a lot of weight on the shoulders right now. Dealing though. Just taking things day by day. Wishing I could escape into my day dreams. Would be nice. 

Last couple of months

Well as you can probably tell I've disabled parts of my blog and I will re-enable them soon but there has been a lot going on. I think the stress of too many events are what have led to health issues becoming compounded and I have suffered my 3rd stroke. To recap  in a very short time period we lost my father in law, my oldest moved out on not so great terms, my mother went in to the hospital with serious health issues (almost lost her...again) ...later we've found out she had a TIA (ministroke) herself as well as confusion leading to taking some medications wrong and her kidneys are now showing a lot of damage. I believe they said her liver is too. All of which (well the kidneys, liver, and stroke) can be complications of the immune diseases we both have. Anyway so we were putting a lot of time into taking care of her (and trying to get more help in for her so that she has the help she needs and doesn't have to go to a home and we still have our hands free when we need it) ...oh and she also had a second incident but thankfully that was under the watchful eye of her home health nurse... and someone (lets just say due to the nature of complaints they sort of told on themselves...might not have been them directly but possibly things they were saying to other people....) anyway we had DHS called so had an investigation which is always fun. House needed some cleaning due to too much going on to keep things up so did that and we have been cleared as the other allegations were unsubstantial. Then the same time the city starts to harass us again and we had to give up our chickens though they could not specify what the actual complaint was and we were compliant with the ordinances. Just were told it is higher ups complaining. Soooooo to sate them they are gone and we took care of some other stuff around here. We've decided we want to move as soon as we can. Which this house gets paid off in about a year from now and we can start thinking more about it then. As for myself after all of this I'd been over doing things anyway and then I was having some stomach pain and thought it was due to over exertion and then later one night it become quite a lot like labor contractions. It was several minutes apart and very painful. (and no I am not....I had a tubal after my last one) anyway...so I went to bed anyway and woke up around 4am and didn't feel good so I went into the bathroom and wound up throwing up. Just once but it stopped the cramping pain and then I felt better and I decided to stay there long enough to make sure I was really okay and then suddenly everything started tingling and went numb, I had no muscle control, and everything went white. I thought it was one of those weird moments I get every now and then and that it would go away in a few seconds. It didn't and I realized something was very wrong and I stumbled out feeling my way through the house to the bedroom. (My second oldest was asleep and never heard me trying to call for help...also apparently I was very quiet. I thought I was yelling but I couldn't really speak.) I managed to make my way to the bedroom and get my husband to call 911 and I have no idea how but I found myself back in the bathroom. After about 10 min. or so my vision began to return though it took a bit longer for muscle movement (or control of rather I could move but it was like trying to move a limb that had been asleep and was floppy) Took forever for ambulance to get there but they finally did and then went to hospital while he tried to get my youngest ready and get up there. Hospital service sucked by the way. They were mainly focused on me throwing up which I was trying to tell them that part didn't worry me so much as the blindness and numbness etc. They handed me 5 pills that were to dissolve under my tongue for nausea, cramping and all and sent me out of the room on my own even though I could barely walk and hadn't stuck the pills under my tongue yet. They told me because I have lupus they weren't going to test me for anything and that it was likely related to my lupus. My dr. is not impressed as I had a follow up appointment with her. Though she is having me referred to an RA dr. (Rheumatologist for autoimmune diseases) which most drs are surprised that I haven't been going to any way and a GI dr (Gastrointestional for the Crohn's that runs so heavily through the family as I am very likely to have it and it needs to be monitored) and she also says if I have another that I am going to need MRI's. I really hate it. Though thankfully this one did not leave me using a cane as my last one did. I had to use the cane for about 2 years or so.  Right now my abdomen is absolutely numb.Yet I still have pain on my sides and such and have a bit of infection going so I'm on antibiotics for that. Apparently it may take a short while for those symptoms to go away as well as some others I am having. I hate being down. Things need to slow down. I am anxious to feel like myself again. I am also tired a lot right now. More so than I should be and I think also wanting to sleep so I don't feel the discomfort. Other things seem to be falling in line but then some feel off or out of place. Kids are doing online schooling which they so far love. It gives us flexibility with appts too. You have to check in daily and you have to keep your grades up and also they will show you in percentages how much work you have done and how much they'd like to see you have done each week. Both are learning different languages too which is kinda cool. (Part of college bound courses) Anyway that is why I've not been blogging lately. Also on a completely unrelated note my birthday is this month. Another year older. Might go the county fair but I don't know yet. I think that would be the most we do if anything. Give me some peace and quiet (well okay peace and my music) and some time to draw and I will be happy. 

So hot we're on fire

 View of the smoke from the fires SW of Tecumseh 

Unfortunately we still are having a lot of hot spots and such. Over the last few days Oklahoma has had more than it's share of wildfires  and several were out of control. They couldn't receive help from outside states because they have their own emergencies going on and are unable to help. One thing I think a lot of people discovered during this was that the news channels just aren't covering it. I've heard a LOT of frustration coming from people who wanted to know what was going on currently, families that are displaced and don't know if their homes are okay or if they can go to check on them, etc. One thing I did find though was a good place to keep up with it a bit better than what the media offered. Online scanner Just follow the link and click on the county that you want to listen to. I've found a lot of times the media portrays it as the fires are out or the area is safe to go back to but the scanner says otherwise. Firemen are still battling hot spots and flare ups and are exhausted. The families posting in the comments on facebook are saying the same thing that the media may report an area as being safe to return to but when they try to go in to check on their homes etc it is actually not safe to go to or you can't even get to it because of road closings. The night before last the smell of smoke was so thick it was difficult to breathe and we are actually not that close to the Cleveland Co. fire. Smoke could be smelled by my friends who live a lot farther away as well. It has now set off my allergies pretty severe and I am having trouble today. Can't breathe, runny nose, coughing, sneezing. (Soon to go pick up some medicine) The fire fighters are in need of gatoraid and water still as well as nutritious snacks that are quick/easy to eat and yet the news channels aren't saying much except on facebook it seems though there are plenty of pages and people who are keeping the support going strong thankfully. (Contact your local red cross or community action centers to see where you can donate money, water, gatoraide, food, and other supplies I may try and post a list of needed supplies and some donation spots in my next blog) We will continually be in danger of fire until the drought is relieved some by rain. That is another thing something a lot of people don't think about is some of the local lakes are so low that people can't even put their boats in or get to them. There is water rationing in several communities including my own. We are on level 2 so far. (Watering on Mon or Tues depending on house number..odd or even...and only for 4 hours on those days.) We may soon hit level 3 which decreases it to two hours. I think after that there is no outdoor watering. The lake levels are dropping rapidly and usage is going up. OG&E has also put the request out that people try to keep their electric usage to more of a minimum and has stated that they are likely to break megawatt usage soon. Conserve electric There aren't many chances for rain coming up and the ones that are in the future are very small. We topped several records for heat and have been running between 105-110 (with a few 111 to 113 days in there) When we had a cool front come through and it got down to 85 one night I was surprised to find I actually got cold. I am curious what our winter holds for us. Some are forecasting a colder wetter than normal winter...I still kind of think it will be like last winter. Warmer than usual and very dry. Hoping I am wrong. While warm winters feel nice they don't make for good summers. Don't want dry either. We need the moisture as does most of the US. drought monitor.
On a brighter note I thought watching NASA land the Curiosity on Mars was actually pretty interesting. Seeing the scientists broke a lot of ideals of what a scientist looks like which I also thought was cool. :) I think it brought back an interest in NASA a bit too which was kinda cool as well. I know I've never seen so much excitement packed into one room. :) Anyway off for now but may continue this later.