Centering

Listening to some Waterbone and wishing I had an alone spot. Someplace to sit and meditate preferably out in the woods. I think I found my perfect spot all ready at the new house but of course that is there not here. I also am feeling a need to release into my art or via dance. Art is a possibility but not dance really right now. Just so many things going on. Things that make the smaller things in your life that seemed big get drowned out. I will talk about the smaller for now though. My mom has to go in to figure out what is causing her tremors which she is being told may be Parkinsons. Though I am not quite as sure. I kind of think it could be in relations to the fact that her organs are shutting down. She is going through Renal Failure and they aren't going to do anything. She is also on a large amount of medications and believes fully that she will soon be like my grandpa was. Completely unable to move etc. Something she'd had nightmares about before because of that. Still having your mind but no longer having your body. I can only imagine how scary. I keep telling her she doesn't know this yet. Just hang in there til her appt. (comes up in a couple months or so) I am not sure anything will ease her fears. She is asking for a wheel chair because she can't walk really much anymore and she is trying to get her affairs in order. (This will mean full time care on our part and will soon anyway as her hands shake so bad she can hardly do anything) 
For my own problem it is small in perspective to everything else. Nothing really. I am having to go through a full dietary change that I didn't think I had to go through. Yes I am allergic to wheat, milk, peanuts, etc.....but the allergist thought I should still be able to eat it for the most part. Well it turns out that is what is causing my throat to swell. (Wheat) I talked to my dr after another episode and she says that even though the allergy is small that it is effecting me enough that I really just can't eat it. Everytime I stop I am fine. I had thought maybe something else was causing it but it isn't. This is something that you really have to take into thought how many things you eat that have wheat in them. For me having to go through a diet change at the same time as having several traumatic events happen ....not easy. Especially since I was somewhat stress eating so well maybe in the end it is a good thing I can't have it. I told my husband I don't want anyone else in my house to feel they have to eat any differently just fix what ever they would normally fix and I will work around it. (I know some people that expect everyone else to change with them and to me that is just not fair if the other people don't have the problem then why should they suffer?) It is something I am adjusting to. On another side note I've screwed up the ligaments in my foot. I am not going to go in to the other things going on because they are personal for other people and I don't feel I have a right to share that.  Rough times all around though I will say that. I keep trying to focus on positive things and positive change and that is becoming harder to do. Trying to hang in there though. I feel like I am being pushed or pulled in some direction and I am just off the path right now or something. Who knows. Hopefully that path will open up soon. Some may part ways on it but as long as that is the best for everyone then so be it. I just want to find peace again. 

Main stream Media and conspiracy theories

North Koreans train   My only thought (that isn't as laughable) is they are raising their children to be war minded (if this is accurate) and they have to grow up sometime...when they do will they have better technology and capability to carry out what they cannot now? Just a thought. Otherwise surely he is not actually basing his strategies on the same ideals as the propaganda videos of us they were putting out. People ask why the civilians of NK keep going along with their lives the way they are...it is a good example of brain washing that is why. They are steeped in this atmosphere til it becomes natural for them. This is the life they know and while we have more freedom (right now) to do our own research and etc from what I understand theirs is limited. 
Anyway I've been caught up in the news lately as has much (most?) of the US. I have noticed that the Boston Marathon bombings and the manhunt for the still missing suspect have served to act as a good time for them to bring out their new tactical vehicles and do a lot of photo ops and put them out there. Sort of a "See we told you we'd need these!" type thing it seems. News story from earlier today with photos There seems to be an ever growing number to those who are calling false flag and conspiracy theories which I have to agree that NOT EVERYTHING is a conspiracy and should NOT be treated as such though there are always those things that make you go...well that IS weird or the wonder as to why it seems things constantly seem to escalate. It seems we get used to one thing being the new normal only for that to change again and we have to adjust to that. If several years back you would have told me the military would start conducting drills in the US and we'd have drones being experimentally used (especially that Oklahoma would be a testing ground) for police work not just military work. It would have seemed too futuristic to me. Part of it is just that we are growing so quickly technologically and there are so many ways for this to be used....where do we draw the line between using it to help and using it to control. I think that is where the conspiracy theorists come in at with the analyzing of these situations. Is this occurring as a natural course of action? Or are we being pushed in the direction of becoming accustomed to these things being the norm and allowing military and police to reform their boundaries. Their question is are we being protected or controlled I believe that is what it boils down to. I honestly don't have an answer to that as I see a lot of both going on. I do analyze the crap out of the news and all and I have found that increasingly the media puts out inaccuracies and then redacts them only in turn they point their fingers at social media. I think the thing is that people using social media are mainly reposting what they read from MSM (main stream media) I think what we are seeing that is creating the conspiracy theorists are that people are starting to question their sources as MSM has been putting out so much incorrect information in the rush to be first to get the news out there. They put out conflicting stories or they put out bits of information without checking to make sure it is accurate. Partly because we in an era now where news travels so quickly that is a race between news agencies to get it out first and to hopefully beat twitter and facebook etc.....then a more recent development it seems is more and more people are latching on to sites such as Broadcastify to listen to the police scanners and get their "news" straight from the source. Even then this can prove inaccurate or confusing when things happen such as last night when they put out there the names of two suspects claiming it was them that they were searching for one of them being a missing student from Brown University and then later realizing it was not and then changing it to the two Chechnyan brothers (the MSM did this as well) only AFTER friends and family of the first two named suspects were harassed and threatened. 
Something I don't think people think about so much is that the media strongly influences peoples feelings on subjects. No I'm not saying people can't make up their own minds about how they feel....I'm saying sometime when you are watching the news pay attention to the particular wording they use when describing something. The tone they set. You may find that another news station etc will set an entirely different tone on the same story. It all is influenced heavily by the emotions that particular station etc intends to produce or enact in people. I've been really noticing that more and more. I knew this did this for ratings on certain stories etc and always have ...however if you really watch it goes a bit deeper than that. The media really does influence the public in other ways.  (yeah I know captain obvious here but it is the depth of it that surprised me I guess.) Another reason I say do your own research. Make SURE you check out multiple news sources before you pass judgement on something. 
Something else I have noticed is the hatred that spews onto the boards and comments sections of any news story, FB post, etc People seem to think that hate warrants more hate. The only thing that is happening is it is spreading it and creating more situations like this when people snap or when groups become more and more divided over hateful remarks about religions, ethnicity, etc. We are dividing ourselves and blaming it on situations like these when we should be standing together instead against it. Not pointing fingers and saying Oh because you are of this religion or of this race you shall now be grouped in with this person who did this or that. People are individuals. I can understand the anger especially about situations like this one with the Boston Marathon...what gets me is when people put all that anger on an entire ethnic group or religious group.  It disgusts me to see people stereotyping. I will post more of my thoughts on this later (maybe) 

Spring 2013

What will the spring and summer of 2013 hold for us? At this point I have absolutely NO idea. Usually I have at least some idea but not this year. None. We are attempting to move forward with some plants and have had a hard time so far due to illness. (Everyone in my house has caught that dratted cold that is going around and we can't seem to shake it) It is very frustrating but this does not look to be the overly hot and dry summer that we've had the last few years so maybe we can actually get somewhere with it. Everything for this coming year is up in the air. We'll just have to see where the cards fall. Too many transitions the last few years and they are wearing me out. Would love for things to slow down so we can take a breath and catch up so to speak but they never seem to. So many plans and so little time to accomplish anything. Or at least that is how it seems. Trying to sort things out into parts or sections so we can deal with those separately. I have started a few things though. My husband bought me some tomato plants and those seem to be going well. I am trying the experiment I'd seen recently with taking the part of the romaine lettuce that is normally discarded (in our case given to my son's guinea pigs) and planting it in a little garden and so far they are growing back nicely. My stargazer lilies are coming up really well (one had disappeared last year and I thought it was done for) my blueberry bush is getting really leafy. Even have a couple of strawberry and baby aloe plants going so in the gardening front at least we are doing well. (Still want some pepper plants and some herbs) Oh and my mint plants are taking over. Growing around where they were planted but not in that exact spot. ;) So for now we are playing everything by ear and taking each day as it comes. Will try and find time to blog when I can.