Centering

Listening to some Waterbone and wishing I had an alone spot. Someplace to sit and meditate preferably out in the woods. I think I found my perfect spot all ready at the new house but of course that is there not here. I also am feeling a need to release into my art or via dance. Art is a possibility but not dance really right now. Just so many things going on. Things that make the smaller things in your life that seemed big get drowned out. I will talk about the smaller for now though. My mom has to go in to figure out what is causing her tremors which she is being told may be Parkinsons. Though I am not quite as sure. I kind of think it could be in relations to the fact that her organs are shutting down. She is going through Renal Failure and they aren't going to do anything. She is also on a large amount of medications and believes fully that she will soon be like my grandpa was. Completely unable to move etc. Something she'd had nightmares about before because of that. Still having your mind but no longer having your body. I can only imagine how scary. I keep telling her she doesn't know this yet. Just hang in there til her appt. (comes up in a couple months or so) I am not sure anything will ease her fears. She is asking for a wheel chair because she can't walk really much anymore and she is trying to get her affairs in order. (This will mean full time care on our part and will soon anyway as her hands shake so bad she can hardly do anything) 
For my own problem it is small in perspective to everything else. Nothing really. I am having to go through a full dietary change that I didn't think I had to go through. Yes I am allergic to wheat, milk, peanuts, etc.....but the allergist thought I should still be able to eat it for the most part. Well it turns out that is what is causing my throat to swell. (Wheat) I talked to my dr after another episode and she says that even though the allergy is small that it is effecting me enough that I really just can't eat it. Everytime I stop I am fine. I had thought maybe something else was causing it but it isn't. This is something that you really have to take into thought how many things you eat that have wheat in them. For me having to go through a diet change at the same time as having several traumatic events happen ....not easy. Especially since I was somewhat stress eating so well maybe in the end it is a good thing I can't have it. I told my husband I don't want anyone else in my house to feel they have to eat any differently just fix what ever they would normally fix and I will work around it. (I know some people that expect everyone else to change with them and to me that is just not fair if the other people don't have the problem then why should they suffer?) It is something I am adjusting to. On another side note I've screwed up the ligaments in my foot. I am not going to go in to the other things going on because they are personal for other people and I don't feel I have a right to share that.  Rough times all around though I will say that. I keep trying to focus on positive things and positive change and that is becoming harder to do. Trying to hang in there though. I feel like I am being pushed or pulled in some direction and I am just off the path right now or something. Who knows. Hopefully that path will open up soon. Some may part ways on it but as long as that is the best for everyone then so be it. I just want to find peace again.