Air Conditioning=Heaven/ Political rants

I think the title of the blog says it all for me at the moment. We have a water cooler that I will always be eternally grateful for...given to us by our future son in law's grandparents. That thing has been such a life saver especially when the summers have been getting hotter and hotter and the winters never really cool down. Also it is much cheaper to run than a regular a/c (cheaper electric bills) and actually works better. Anyways ours has been having issues with the constant heat and my husband has had to work on it several times this summer. Today it went out entirely for awhile. I don't regulate body heat like I'm supposed to anyway and with my sjogren's I can get dehydrated very easily. (so if you're pouring out sweat and I don't normally sweat at all...yeah not helping) anyway so today we had no air and it said 104 on the computer but most people were saying 107...all I know is anywhere past 100 I don't care it is just excruciatingly HOT. In the house it can get even hotter with no air. Anyway so he finally got it tentatively running though we can't turn it off without unplugging it and it only will run on cool til we get it better fixed and he thinks it is something to do with the control panel...for now though I am in absolute heaven. 

Anyway yesterday was so busy that I never had a chance to come back and do my blog like I'd thought. Part of it was spent fighting off the phone company...which I just realized  I will have to call back. They keep calling my mother constantly to try and sell her things til yesterday she finally gave in and said yes though it was something she didn't really want. Then I called to cancel it and they had to get her approval for me to be on her account which we took care of and they also supposedly added some deal to keep her from getting the sales calls. Well today they are still calling her to sell her stuff and I guess Monday I have to call to take care of it again though I spent half an hour to like 45 minutes (probably closer to the 45 min) on hold. I also spent a lot of the day trying to get a hold of someone at the school which never happened so Monday we have to go down there. Did several loads of laundry which I think insta dries on the line. Dinner was late as well and just everything was hitting and I think when I came in at 1pm after working on the chicken coop (trying to get shade going) I didn't have a clue that it was anywhere near that late. Today it has been just too hot to even think. 

I am trying to come up with other ideas to keep everyone cool here as well. Hoping I am actually losing weight because with this heat I have no desire to eat really at all. 

Anyway here more recently as the elections get closer more people are getting very politically opinionated. I had gone through my phase of that I guess early on and I still have my opinions but had been biting my tongue more as of late. Getting more difficult to do. For some reason though one thing in particular has incensed me. When people start hollering socialism and saying that anyone needing help must be lazy or that anyone who has been on help must be lazy. This for some reason really pisses me off. Mainly because people are saying this with out having a clue of what others may be going through. More so now than ever with the economy being what it has been. People who have never needed help before are now needing it because things are continuing to get harder and harder. Jobs are harder to find even those which were always considered to be a good place to look such as nursing for instance. There is a massive drought going on and even as expensive as groceries and commodities are now that will continue to go up and as it does people are going to be looking more for help. I agree that you should try to take care of it on your own first and if you only need that help for a short time only use it for a short time. They really come down on the disabled though and that aggravates me. While a person may look okay on the outside to you...you have no idea what they are really going through. I am myself trying to find another outlet rather than disability. I do not like having to rely on it. I want to do something for myself. The disability I have is rather complex in itself. (I.E. One day it may be a lot of pain and fever the next it may be stomach ailments ...it is unpredictable and therefor harder to work around it but I am trying) It isn't that easy to get on disability either which seems to be something a lot of people have wrong. They think that it is. They do check you out thoroughly (maybe in other states they don't but I know here it is quite difficult) In any case yes people need to try to go it on their own first and don't accept help they don't need but many right now actually do need it and I get tired of people calling names without knowing what their story is. It is generalized. I say if you've never needed it then good for you. Don't stare down your nose at others because you may never truly know what they are going through. Many go through what they can to cover that. I know people that may have name brand clothes...not because they bought them new but because they found them at a thrift store or they were given to them by a friend who was getting rid of it. Yet someone will look at them and judge them based on that alone. They don't bother to look any further. I think what bothers me most right now is as I've said recently. Instead of standing together we are falling apart. The country is divided. Here are some of my own stances and I honestly do believe everyone has a right to their own opinion but it kills me when someone's own personal belief affects someone else's life so strongly yet as long as the one person gets their way that is all that matters to them. Anyway same sex marriage: How is this hurting me? It isn't. It kills me when do to someone's personal religious beliefs they feel the need to deny rights to someone else. They pick and choose what to go after. They can get divorced and remarry all they want which is also against those same religious beliefs but they will deny that same right to people based on the fact that they are same gender. The chick fil a thing? I believe the guy has a right to his opinion but maybe it wasn't such a good idea to extend that opinion to represent that of his business and whether intentionally or not...everyone who works there. That being said it is his right and his opinion though I may not agree with it. Now on another note when people start boycotting his store because they don't agree with said opinion the other side  start hollering that we are trying to do away with their right to free speech...um can't they do the same with the stores that are openly gay rights advocates? How did we take that away exactly? Please do inform me. I did also hear that the chick fil a guy is firing women because he thinks they need to be stay at home mom's. I'm sorry but if I am looking for a job I am not doing so because I don't want to be a stay at home mom. Most Mom's would love to be....it is because I need the money to take care of those same children. To pay bills and keep a roof over their head and keep them fed etc. You aren't doing me any favors by firing me for that reason as I'd just have to go find another job....while also suing your ass for gender discrimination if I have the time. chick fil a< this article from Huffington post really only mentions the one though there are other articles mentioning others. 

Religion seems to play so heavily in politics right now...where honestly has no place. Religion to me is a personal thing. Between a person and their higher power if they have one or if not still a personal thing. That doesn't mean you can't talk about it that means that you have no right to govern others lives based on your own belief. Yet the churches seem to fail to see that line anymore. They are supposed to be there to guide not govern. To help people make the right choices not make it for them and the right choice being what is right for that person not what they the church believes is right for them. Now churches are sticking their fingers in the political pot so to speak to stir it and try to control others using laws.  Something I've been seeing churches use a lot more lately also is peer pressure. Another thing and this is with the catholic churches is they are using money. If they try to push their religious ideals in the medical world and it doesn't work...what works better than to buy up the local hospitals so that the public has no other choice. (that is what has pretty much happened locally) Honestly I walk my own path for a reason. I have been there and done that with the private christian school and the strongly christian family. It just isn't for me. I definitely don't want my government trying to tell me how to believe. 

Abortion: Not something that I would choose for myself unless my own life were in danger and therefor the repercussions would affect my remaining children and husband and even then I'd try to find another way. That being said I can't make that decision for another woman as I don't know her circumstances. That is not for me to make. It isn't for anyone to make other than her and her dr. I don't think the government or others due again to their own religious beliefs should have any say in that. They are not required to have them for themselves either. Yet people guilt others and usually without knowing an inkling of what they are going through. These same people are usually the ones against receiving help and calling those same people lazy for needing it. The same people who call themselves christian and yet if they look back at the person they supposedly strive to be like they are so far from it. It is sad. I've seen athiests, buddhists, and pagans who are far more like it even though that isn't the religion they follow. It really falls to the individual and how they act to others not the religion they claim to follow. 

I will cover other topics later probably but my son is wanting his computer time and so I am off to go put laundry away I guess for now. 

daily life update

My mom seems to be more herself now though we still have the nurse come out to see her and they seem to be taking note of the confusion at least and are aware of it. One has told me she thinks my mother may have early stages of alzheimers. We are doing what we can though and every chance I can find to do something that will help her I do it. I may have to make sure to ask her every chance I get because I've found she will not ask for help when she needs it. 
On the school front the online school my kids will be doing has been trying constantly to contact our local school with no luck so now I am trying as well and no luck. If I can't get a hold of them today I will go down there Monday and try to find some people to get the kids' records sent. When they do start their online schooling I won't be on here much for awhile (Unless like early or at night got to see how our schedule works out.) I hope to spend that time cleaning/organizing and then  also working more on my artwork and jewelry...possibly crafting if I can get away with it. Hard part is going to be working around my youngest. Hopefully I can be as productive as I am wanting to be. 
I have another blog I want to do later today on more news related issues and also facebook related issues (rather I guess things I see there) so anyway off for now and the I shall return to post.

Slowing down

Things feel at the moment like they are slowing down some. I am at that in between point where you are still feeling like you need to be doing everything at the speed you were when everything was happening at a rapid pace. My mom is doing better. She seems more herself by a lot and doing a bit better every day though she does have a very messed up memory of everything that happened. Like she told the dr. I gave her some clothes to put on when she went to the hospital but she went in the clothes she was wearing that day and she remembers different things about the drs and such. Unfortunately just have to just sort of take everything day by day and see if there is more improvement and while doing so just have to keep a sharp eye on her. One of the big problems is the medical problem (a partial blockage of the intestine) is still there so I have to hope that it clears up and she doesn't get bad again. I've set her appts up with the eye dr for new glasses to see close up (since she had cataract surgery her vision has reversed from nearsighted to far) and her dentist (she had all her bottom teeth pulled and got a new plate but hasn't been able to wear it) She does have nurses coming over to help her with her med management and such and I hope she will still let me apply for some extra care for her. I know it would make us feel a bit better. As for myself with all the stress of the last month (hasn't even been a full month but it feels like a year) I am going through a lupus flareup. My lip has a fever blister that I usually only get with the bad ones (I HATE fever blisters) and it is all swollen and sore. I ache like crazy and I am constantly tired. Physically and mentally (and emotionally) exhausted. I hate being like that because I feel like I fall behind on everything else. I've been nauseous and don't feel like eating (I don't do well in the heat anyway) and I've had a headache for a few days now. I just want to go into a dark room and shut the world out for a bit and sleep....and dream. On another note I keep going on about the MP3 player my husband gave me (I am thinking about getting him one for christmas if I can swing it only maybe one with video?) anyway..... I love it. I also have a huge music list on the computer right now but this allows me to take my music with me and go dance (If I ever find energy again...) work on my crafts, or draw and paint. I also have a little tray table (breakfast table) that you sit on your lap that I found at a yardsale for super cheap and it looks brand new. It has a couple  of deals to hold like magazines on the sides and the center has a leaf that can be set at any angle you like. Perfect for me because I can be kind of picky about what angle I'm trying to work at when drawing. I've been drawing on 2draw.net and for some reason it keeps losing my 2nd layer on my drawings but I have them saved and just go finish them in artrage. A program I am still learning on. I am not as fluid with it but am learning quickly. It has different things like oil and watercolor that when used act just as the real mediums would. 
Later today if I am still awake enough I am going to see about lightening my hair and am hoping the pink will stay in it that I have in it now. eventually would love some blue or purple. Maybe for my birthday? Might get the tricolor stuff. 
Anyway I am hoping I can find relaxation again soon. It seems there is a lot of tension in the household at the moment. 

and it never seems to end

While we are still reeling from everything else on Tues. my mom had an eye dr. appt. The day before that I knew something was off. My aunt and her daughter had come down and I knew my Mom was so excited to see them but she stayed in her room and was very lethargic. I tried to get her to come outside to the front porch because the temp outside was fairly decent at the time. They went and got chocolate milkshakes for everyone and she took hers in her room but still wouldn't come in the living room but for a short time period and didn't seem herself at all. I was becoming concerned then and that night my son stayed over there and then the next day my husband went over to take her in to the eye dr and came back and said that she'd said she had told me to cancel it. (I didn't remember her saying that really.) I called her and was trying to ask her about that and she wasn't really answering and I started asking her if she was ok. She didn't reply and I repeated it with no reply still so I ran over and she was laying back on the bed and she sat up a bit and looked at the phone and had this expression like she had no idea why she was holding it. She laid it down beside her and laid back and acted like she was asleep so I was freaking. I kept saying Mom are you ok? She finally replied enough to tell me her stomach was hurting and enough to tell me she did not want me to call 911 or have my husband take her to the ER. I finally left her for a few when she seemed ok enough for that and I called my bro (for support), tried to contact my aunt and cousin but they'd all ready left to go back to Arizona (I had thought they were coming back to visit that day and maybe could help me get her to go in) and then finally her dr. though the dr. was out due to a death in her family. I did tell them what was going on though and I went and poked my head in a couple of times to keep checking on her and then after about an hour had passed I went over and found that she'd turned her A/C off. (Has never shut off again) and she was sitting on the edge of her bed shaking and finally told me she wanted to go in (at this point I'd decided she was going in anyway just helped for her to go willingly) so I asked if she wanted my husband to take her or for me to call 911 and she wouldn't reply (at this point I wasn't thinking too clearly myself I was frantic) So I ran and got my husband and he pulled the vehicle around front while I tried to get Mom ready but she at this point was only partially dressed and she went and laid back down on her bed. I finally just called 911 and he went and flagged them down. They came in (at this point the house was kind of hot from her having her air off for even that short time though I'd turned the a/c back on) I told them everything to that point and they could not get her to respond to them except for sporadically and they were incomplete answers. At one point she told them she had COPD and she doesn't. But mostly she wasn't answering at all so they started asking me questions and I gave them all the information that I could especially about her past history with her Crohn's disease and surgeries and emergency room visits related to it. They wrote it all down on a glove and took her in. She was experiencing a lot of illness with it as well as the pain and it had ended up making her dehydrated. My son told me she had also turned the air off once the night before when he was there. I told him to watch for that and he also mentioned that she had been not replying to him a lot either (though she hadn't really done that as much with us) So she went in and stayed from Tues through Thurs and they finally released her and she is more coherent than she was but is having lapses a lot. When we cleaned her house we found a lot out of place and I later found out the microwave should have been checked as well as she had been putting all the food we gave her in her fridge and wasn't really eating it. While in the hospital she was incoherent the first couple of days and then started talking more but she had not been able to reply to anything for awhile. I stayed in touch with the nurses and would call when they changed shifts to get updates. I also called her dr. and kept them posted and I have been so upset and unnerved by this I called and talked to May's to see about having their nurses come out again and while the hospital didn't approve it at first her dr. did so they will be coming out. Her cousin that she'd not seen in over 20 years came down and saw her while she was in the hospital and said she was telling her things like my husband worked at Sonic. (He doesn't my brother in law owns/manages a few of them in SC) that the nurses told her (mom's cousin) that she'd been refusing to eat while there and Mom was telling everyone no one had fed her and she didn't have a phone there (My husband saw a phone in her room and every room has one) There is just enough out of place with her to be noticeable.  At this point my Mom even agrees that she may have had a stroke. I have had a mini one myself and I know how out of sorts that made me. I had to use a cane for a long while to walk, took me awhile to talk properly (I still have a deviated tongue from it and you can kind of see what side of my face was affected in pictures. When I smile that side doesn't work quite right though it is a ton better than it was) so I can only imagine what this may have done with her. They can affect different people different ways. Also from the symptoms she is still having since she left the hospital I am afraid that part of her bowel may be ischemic again. (No blood flow/dead bowel) She had that happen before and she is still experiencing a lot of problems. They had all ready told her there was a partial blockage. I am going to be letting her dr. know about all of this. She is also having headaches today and all. There is just so much going on. When I was a kid about 8 or 9 I had to help take care of my own grandma like this. I never knew my grandparents on my Dad's side. I knew my grandpa for a short time. He passed when I was around 7. He'd had a massive stroke on top of other health issues and was finally placed in a nursing home and my grandma was abusing prescription medication (Not sure if intentional or not because when you wind up with a kazillion meds to take and have to remember what is what and your at that age when your memory starts to go ....it can become too much. Anyway she was hospitalized for that for awhile and I had to grandma-sit and then after awhile she would become very ill and we'd go over and I'd have to clean her house and clean up after the dogs she had (chihuahas and a pit I think though the pit was removed sometime after) anyways Mom would have to clean grandma up and have to keep track of her. I think my brother was having to do a lot of that as well with her. My grandma finally passed in her sleep one night and I think either a neighbor or my mom had gone in and found her. She was also living on her own at the time. I live right here so I am able to go check on her all through the day and then also one of us can stay with her (My son loves to stay over there with her a lot) thankfully this isn't to that degree that it was with my grandma and it is for different reasons but I guess I can say I've had the experience in a way. I am still kind of scared and nerve wracked though. Plus after so many losses in different ways here lately it is rough. We also found out my daughter's boyfriend (The oldest of the kids still living at home) is moving away to another state so she is struggling with that. Hoping to keep the two in touch as much as we can so it won't be as hard. She plans to move there and do college after she finishes school. She suffers anxiety attacks when away from home some (not agoraphobia like mine but more like if she stays over night somewhere else it triggers them) So hopefully can work on that as well before then.  I may write more later but for now I have to go take care of some other things for my Mom. I do see some light at the end of the tunnel though maybe.... though  I did find out a few minutes ago that she told my son the dr told her there is a hole trying to form in her intestines. Which could be deadly and if that is true WTF are they doing having her home??!!! I am definitely going to be talking to her regular dr. O.O :( Well so much for that light but keeping hope anyway. I was going to say I think I may have found a program that will help her with not only nursing but home care as well. 

Changes

Haven't been able to blog because of too much going on lately. On the 3rd my Father in law passed. It was one of those things where we all knew it was going to happen but it doesn't make it any easier when it does. We had a call the week before because he felt like he was going then and wanted everyone there and that was so rough. Seeing my MIL kissing him and telling him it was okay I hurt for her so much as well. For them both. I am so glad to have them in my life and I know how hard this has to be for her. Then when he did pass the nurse is the one that called and my husband went over by himself (I guess partially because of lack of time to get everyone over and maybe too rough for the kids to go through this again. My oldest was gone both times...I feel like in a way she hasn't dealt with any of this yet as she has completely cut out everyone and has never contacted my MIL) The day he passed my oldest heard about a friend of her circle of friends passing and she seems to really have mainly focused on that. Anyway she'd been leaving early in the morning and coming back late but has now moved out. She was told she had to leave from the first place she stayed and wound up with a friend who sent her to a shelter and now she is staying with a friend of the family's. Sort of an in between I think so that she can get on her own feet. Things are rocky for us all right now. The thing is she ran into someone who knew the ex who was all trying to tell her how great a father figure he is but in the same breath they (The kids) all had to leave because he is still a raging alchoholic...um yeah great father figure. Anyways for me this brought up a lot and I don't know why so hard this time but it did. (My friends seem to think it is because of all the changes) but for some reason the thing that stood out the most made no sense as to why that in particular did. It was the tattoos he wanted to put on me. The shackles on the wrists and ankles with one around the throat and the chains running to each. We were in Germany at the time and it was chains I could never take off. I am so glad that I don't have the tattoos. (Something to be grateful for....I was surprised that one of my friends remembered me telling them about it when it came up I guess...there were only like two people I called when I lived in Germany til we no longer had a phone) It broke me down and I cried for awhile. I guess at seeing where I was and how far I've come and not ever wanting to lose how far I've come no matter what happens.  I think really I am just a bit overwhelmed with everything right now. I want to continue moving forward and finding myself. I want the best for my oldest and for her not to fall but this is also her journey now. She does have the advantage of having someone by her side though that wouldn't do any of those things to her either. I just wish she'd lose all that anger she carries and bitterness. Anyway I am trying to sort everything out for myself and see what lies ahead. I have hopefully another couple of years before my 2nd oldest decides to make that jump. She'll be 18 before that but needs to finish her schooling. Still the rules here are not that unreasonable for that age...at least I don't think so....take care of your own stuff (your own laundry, dishes, if you have a pet the pet care for that pet..... start to set your own appts and such and we'll take  you if you want for medical stuff and if you are going to be out all night that is fine but  if you are coming back that night have respect for the other family members that are going to be going to bed at a certain hour) < pretty much it. I.E. Don't leave messes for everyone else to have to suffer with when you leave. Also helps for you to be figuring out what you want to do. Work on getting job apps or looking into schooling. I moved out on my 18th birthday and lived in a gutted out house for awhile. No bathrooms no nothing. Stupid move on my part. I guess I thought I was escaping my dad. Then again there are also decisions I wish I would have gone through with at least taking a chance on too. There should be some sort of transitional thing when you are that age and going from being a teenager to an adult but not quite ready for what adulthood has in store for you. Something to ease you into it. So in any case there is a lot in store for us ahead and trying to be there for my MIL as much as we can (My SIL is down for now too to help her)  and my Mom and then my other friend is back from Washington now which is a good thing (great for the kids as well they have other kids their age to hang out with which they so needed) My aunt is coming down this coming week to visit my Mom and then I am trying to completely redo my house and get it in order once and for all (I have my work cut out for me there) and I have enrollment done for both my two older kids still at home to do online schooling and now waiting to see if they get in (if not we are still prepared to home school) As for myself I want to do some more schooling but really can't do so financially right now and don't want to put anyone else in the house out by doing it. That and it would have to be something I could actually do something with. 

Weather news

 My stargazer lily 

I'm sure by now most everyone has heard about the wildfires in Colorado. I had as well but I hadn't really heard much about the other large wild fires in the other states. More on this fire and the others Apparently the states of Utah, Montana, Wyoming, and Idaho were also affected by wild fires. fire map
The interesting thing is the news covered something I hadn't really thought of but it makes sense to me. That as the climate change continues and there are more large wildfires expected... that the landscape will also change. As forests are destroyed the land will likely start to change to grassland (as they grow back) I could see this. The photos show extremely large swaths of nothing but ash. These were obviously a lot of older trees in some areas. I remember reading awhile back (like beginning of last year or maybe even the year before) that wildlife had been moving more to other areas. Before any of this happened or the weather changes became so drastic. Preparing instinctively for climate change? For some states these were the worst fires in their history. 
On the other side of the US severe storms knocked out power to large numbers of people across several states. heat wave/ power outages 100 plus degree temps combined with the power outages (some power outages expected to last through the week and some longer..with the 100 degree temps expected to last as well) are making for some very bad conditions for people as well as the storm damage itself with more storms it seems expected. This same heat wave is stretching across the US. I've noticed news also that crops are struggling with the heat and not just in the US of course. News that over the last few years the crops in Canada have been having trouble. This is still a good example (or several) of why preparedness is leaving. Whether it be knowing where the things you'd want to leave your house with are or having supplies stored (such as water) for longer conditions without power and such in the heat. (a week can feel a LOT longer with no power and no access to news by the way...trust me. Been there done that and for longer.