Brighter days ahead

Well so far life seems to be on the upswing. I have blogged some in my other blog about things. (my one I keep for healing) I had to go to the city the other day for my youngest's surgery which for me is a big deal as I've been battling agoraphobia for some time. Did actually pretty well with it and even when under the duress of the van not shifting while on the free way with Semi's blowing past us while we were doing bare minimum speed limit and then trying to make turns and it stalling at intersections. Still have another big trip to go but not nearly so bad as this one was very early in the morning and I have difficulty with that anyway and the other is afternoon which is a lot better, shorter trip, less stressfull all around. Just have to get our van going. Have a lot of projects on hold but with the warm spring like weather all I need to do is find time...easier said than done. Staying busy like usual but I am hopeful. I need to redo our front porch. (It needs more support beams up under it and the wood needs replacing.) I am also hoping I will chance across the gas line as I seem to remember seeing it when I pulled the board up last time. My dad had said it was a very thin line (old timey gas line) and it went into the house in a funky place. The gas company could not find it. If I can find it it makes getting our gas lines fixed and everything back on a lil easier. Hubby still has plans to rip up the floors inside the house and we have some water line work to do at some point. There is no real crawl space under our house or well not if you are not a very tiny person anyway. I plan to enclose the front porch some but am going to need help. Gotta have at least one kid to watch the youngest and play with her (which the two older that are at home now one of them won't do it at all and the other has no patience so that is hard) so that hubby can maybe help me lift the board that I would be putting across it and all since the one who was helping me with it last time isn't here. (My middle of the three older) I want to put rails in around the porch and enclose the bottom half somewhat. Hoping hubby can help me break down some more pallets for wood two since that is definitely a two person job. This summer I hope to have rain barrels as our local lake is nearly dry and we are still on outdoor rationing (which no one seems to notice as much because it is winter...well in theory LOL and there is no watering to be done) ...though by this summer we'll be needing it. Hopefully we will get some rain this spring or they say they will have to start buying water and our bills will go up. We have some plans for our mini garden though that will hopefully work despite the dry weather. I will post more later but at this time am just very worn out. It has been a long week. I know this blog may not have matched the title but I do feel like things are starting to turn around for us...and am very hopeful. 

Dreaming

Wandering soul free spirit
Feet bare in the loam
the sounds of life, can you hear it?
echos from where you roam


Take me with you 
my hand in yours
Forest of dreams we run through
lost in hours


For time means nothing here
lead me away
neither pain nor fear
no more night and day


Only the moment we are in
feeling the breezes play
breathing out and in
if only we could stay




Behind closed eyes 
peaceful it would seem
a world beyond that lies 
To sleep again perchance to dream

last few for now

Posted Date: : Sep 1, 2006 8:52 PM

Posted:   Sep 1, 2006 10:32 AM

The candle wax drips and melts down a reminder of time spent a glass half full of wine in which sorrows were drown lip prints showing where the other half went roses in a vase petals wilting, withering away this house is an empty space not even the sunbeams will play silence echoes the halls darkness gathers in the corners gloom collects on the walls long ago left the mourner but the sadness lingers on frost on the pane chills the air a glimpse at the shadowed lawn reveals her empty chair This feels unfinished but I wasn't sure where to go with it. o.O :P

Posted Date: : Sep 29, 2006 4:45 PM

hmmmmmm not quite done with this... :D

Touch my lips with your desire
set my mind body and soul afire
kiss me with your caress
burning insatiable under duress

haunt me with your eyes so deep
you know my heart is yours to keep
running my fingers through your hair
mesmirized by your gazing stare

hold me in your arms so tight
long into the deep of night
walk with me a little longer
while my love for you grows even stronger

More poetry (I had them in and old blog)

osted:   Aug 31, 2006 10:31 PM

Soft caress on my skin so sweet as to almost cause pain stirring a well deep within so long it has dormant lain wake me from my slumber not a restful sleep through nightmares do I lumber into the darkness so very deep my soul rests here somewhere bound in chains and hidden away it has been stored there for forever and a day protect myself from more salt poured into my wounds that still bleed not looking to find a fault just warnings that I heed freedom I fear to feel so locked up inside I stay wishing to begin to heal while at the seams I fray find me a path to follow paper lanterns to light the way give me a new truth to swallow teach me how to play hold me tight as the salt flows I struggle against the grip til the need to run slows and my fears begin to slip Posted:   Aug 31, 2006 10:18 PM    Reflections on the surface red of liquid fire ripples on the glass orange orb goes to retire beyond the world's edge it sinks lady of the lake bids me fare the well stars begin to blink holding me in their spell velvet wrapped earth inviting me to be intoxicated by the scene at hand dancing with glee drawing scenes in the glittering sand sipping the nectar of life drinking it in with out holding back no longer any strife no happiness will I lack

A bunch of my old poetry

Subject : Autumn Poem

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 9:43 PM

Leaves falling to the ground
twisting and turning
a golden carpet all around
an unlit fire burning

A chill tinges the morning
soft mist rising into the air
a veil to hide what the day will bring
a vague reminder of a county fair

hickory smoke incense
sifting from a nearby bonfire
intoxicating and intense
does well to inspire

dark asphalt mirroring the dark sky
overcast in shadows of rain
thoughts turn to pondering the whys
pondering the days before me again

The breeze carries the scent of ripened wheat
The last rays of summer sun kissing the earth
as it takes its seat
apon fall's throne before its hearth

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Subject : LOL More

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 8:29 PM

May 3, 2006 11:48 PM

Lay me down in a bed of roses beauty cuts me like a knife The question this thus poses why do I choose this path in life? A lonely road do I walk a long and winding lane It takes effort not to balk to grip my thoughts and stay sane My heart bleeds droplets of crimson sorrow The love it needs will always be on the morrow Hold me tight hold me near when the night comes calm my fear Keep it at bay give me your love tell me you'll stay as long as the stars above don't leave me in the dark in the shadowed corner of your heart let me see a spark I am falling apart

May 4, 2006 12:07 AM

Your silence deafens me I want to scream to break it shatter the darkness I can't see but you do as you see fit I try to not fall beneath the weight crushed by my own heart I hold it in and wait for the pain to abate hoping it doesn't tear me apart seeking comfort but finding none laying in a cold empty bed when the day is done It is a lonely life I've led waiting for a rescue that never comes I hungrily await my dreams at night desire reigns and I am not numb restore to me my hope, my vision, my sight.

May 4, 2006 1:02 AM

Lemme see if I can do a lil erotica....Been on a sad lonely kick as of late. I tremble in your presence you stand close to me breathing it is desire that fills that small distance desire that has welled within seething time stands still slow motion as the gap we close I am at your will opened as the petals of a rose electric pulse rushing your lips touch mine your fingertips brushing your taste divine I feel myself falling a million miles away and yet here your arms are calling as my lashes close and it is clear that is where I belong sheets of silk an unsung song skin of porcelain milk two souls collide and for a moment bond melding inside I cannot help but respond Your call beckons me bound by your chains I am entranced you see your presence drives me happily insane

Jun 7, 2006 11:33 PM

Hmmmm well that one did so lessee drawing down the light of the stars wrapping herself in the gauze of shadows locking her insecurities behind bars as her feeling of self asuredness grows borrowing the velvet of roses for her lips a dab of sweet lilac on her wrist moonlit tresses brush her hips as she gives them a slight twist eyes of emeralds glint sharp tang of blood hides beneath the smile her sideways glance only gives a hint of come walk with me for a little while we'll follow the path and see where it leads speak softly together of stories old to the edge of the moonbeams and where they heed come with me and I'll treat you as gold Smile that creeps across lips so full she beckons for you to follow your blood has just begun to cool as she begins to swallow

Jun 7, 2006 11:41 PM

what is this I see in my reflection tis not me but rejection I am such a different person inside and yet long ago that person died Someone is in there I know they are underneath the emotional scar My heart beats loud and clear wishing there were someone there to hold me near touch me softly and awaken what lies in side waiting to be taken let me be who I know is there show me there is someone that does care let your kisses cover my skin and let shine what lies here within take away the scars and pain and let me learn how to live again.

Jun 22, 2006 1:04 AM

I'd be completely content to sit and listen in as these are some great works in here tonight! Wow! I toss one in to the mix and then off to bed as I must sleep. Innocence lost into the dark corridors of my mind The sweet sips of new things to see lost in the past and I cannot again find the feeling that once was or what I wish I could be I wish to be able to lay back and soak in a bright summer day clouds of thick cotton floating across a brilliant blue gently cradled in a sea of green not a word to say only to drink in all the different hues no cares nor worries to cross into my thoughts nothing bogging me down with the weight of pain no harsh life lessons that are being taught while I grasp at strings trying to remain sane Let me wander through a field of dreams dancing among the petals fair from sunbeam to sunbeam innocence for a moment regained and not having a care

Jun 24, 2006 1:20 AM

Though I've tried to douse it with the rain of tears the ember of affection I feel is still hot to the touch I can't seem to hold it back and despite my fears I find it still emits a light though through the scarring you can't see much I know that deep within burns a cyclone of emotional tumoil churning about trying to work its way to the surface I can't let them out for my own facade that would spoil and your reaction I can not face So hide from the sun not wanting to see its shining rays of hope softly whispered I tell myself I am done I say it through a veil of smoke as the ember heats again only to burn me as always from even deeper within I shall endure this pain til the end of my days

Jul 2, 2006 5:33 PM

I am hollow nothing inside an longer an empty echo rebounding, silence grows stronger I want to release it all in a scream struggling wanting to run but going nowhere wanting to wake from this dark drowning dream through the fabric of reality I tear Free me from this web in which I am entangled was it me whose fine threads were wove? the same fine threads who leave me strangled? into these dark forboding waters I dove. Salty tears run their course I taste them on my lips I feel the darkness seeping into my pores and into the dark again I slip. I am hollow yet filled with pain, longing, and wistful desire what is there to swallow this slow burning fire?

Jul 2, 2006 5:44 PM
Life rushes by like a river rushing never knowing what is around the bend onward going ever pushing not knowing where it reaches an end secrets does it keep beneath hidden treasures tumbled along until it chooses to bequeath the story that may have been hidden for so long attracting life itself to it's edges holding the essence of liquid gold to sustain us it pledges young or old

Posted:   Jul 20, 2006 12:41 AM

wow is it hot in here? :) Looks like some great writing going on tonight. Darlyn I hope to see more of yours! Very origional, bold and just love it! ;) I walk into the room my gaze sweeps you are standing on the other side the one my heart belongs to for keeps A smile across my lips grows wide I slip through the crowd but soon see another in the booth I try not to gasp aloud for doing so would seem uncouth I lean back hoping my eyes have lied but there she is sitting across from you I wipe away the tears and feel something wrench inside I take a moment trying to decide what to do I watch you nod your head and reach for her hand She grasps your own tight it seems all I can stand I know inside it just isn't right I start to walk away but I've watched too long as you look my way you suddenly know They start playing our song as I turn to hurriedly go Her face twists in confusion as you come after me I dart through the crowd in pain The tears blinding me so that I cannot see I go through the door not looking back again You try and stop me as I run away It isn't as it seems I hear you stammering to say It all appears a dream You grip my arm and I turn from you you slowly release me you know I am through I have set you free. Dunno where this came from. LOL It isn't an emotion I am in the midst of or anythign it is just what came out when I wrote though I have been there somewhat w/ the ex.

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Subject : Yep more poetry. LOL

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 8:18 PM

Mar 23, 2006 12:35 AM 
Just a rainy day

Raindrops rapping against my pane
like soft fingertips drumming a tune
the silence inside driving me insane
hope it is broken soon

daydreaming of a warmer place to be
wrapping myself in soft fleece
but it is enveloping arms in my minds eye I see
in them I feel a sense of peace

I wish to close my eyes and transport
myself to another place
where time is not so short
it is my own space

somewhere not so alone
soft warm caress
no more heart of stone
no feelings of duress

Please don't wake me if this place I find
I don't wish to open my eyes
I think I'd rather be blind
than wear happiness as my disquise

Instead leave me to my dreams
raindrops playing a rhythm to a song
only I can hear it seems
I promise I won't dwell too long ;)

Apr 5, 2006 10:40 PM

I look deep into those twin pools searching for meaning that must dwell within pulling away secrets like thread from spools Speak to me my soul twin dancing among the stars glittering among jewels devine hidden are our scars as we gleam and shine fingers interlaced spinning round and round feeling as though we've found our place our own sacred ground happiness fills my inner core I look forward to each day to see what it holds in store what surprises there do lay

Apr 12, 2006 10:08 PM

a soft breeze carries hints of moisture playing with tendrils of newly budded green awakening the trees of their sleeping tenure bending and swaying to forces unseen The birds cease their trilling silence falling all around as crickets herald the incoming moisture with their rhythmic sound shadows begin to spread covering the earth as a cloak of forboding as the air falls still and clouds turn red and dark as thick smoke A low grumble begins and builds til then A bullwhip of thunder cracks making the wind blow again Lighting breaks through the black Raindrops begin to pelt the ground in large droplets that leave discs in the dirt spattering all around soil drinking it in deep plants cupping their leaves The skies continue to weep glinting droplets through the foilage weaves Life giving force washing away the drought reveling in its wetness no longer going without soaking in its caresses Soon the thunder begins to fade curtains parting for the final show through the sky a rainbow cascades illuminating the grass...a green healthy glow.

Apr 20, 2006 12:57 AM
violet caress kissed softly by butterflies lilac scent wafting (yea I say violet with three syllables. LOL) Purring your sweet song my lovely Taffy my friend Golden happiness

Apr 26, 2006 10:49 PM

I am so glad to be here after such a long hectic week. It is always good to come in here and relax and listen. Glass of wine on the table tell tale prints grace it in red the stories it could tell if it were able but silence it keeps instead A single rose petals scattered about it lays as if posed it's scent permeates throughout laughter fills the air from another room a candle is lit from within holding back the gloom as soft voices carry forth again.

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Subject : More poetry

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 8:04 PM

Jun 8, 2006 10:53 PM

Yearning grips me in its tight embrace
I writhe for release
the power of it holds me in place
a reflection in your eyes I see

Only an image mirrored back
there is no hint of how you feel
I'm staring into a void of black
seeking your heart to steal

I reach for you and you slip away
My fingers brush only air
and I know you'll not stay
why is it that life is so unfair?

you know not that you take
my heart with you when you go
my love is not fake
this I wish you to know

do with it what you will
for while seeking yours
it is my own heart you steal
and into your hands all my love pours

Jun 8, 2006 11:03 PM

what is it to know love
is it a fluttering in your heart?
Like that of a dove
is it supposed to rip you apart?

to leave you in two
Is it a soft caress
meant just for you?
yet leaves you a mess

Is it a quiet moment
feeling safe in their arms
or aching torment
loss, fear, alarm

what does it feel like
to know it is felt for you
not like the sharp spike
that has run me through

Is this why I flinch in pain
at the first sight of interest?
these questions drive me insane
I do not deserve the best

cut me like a knife
run through with a blade sharp
all I've known is strife
where do I begin to start

to learn to feel
without that instinct
I know not how to heal
for me love may be extinct

Aug 6, 2006 12:15 AM

Drawn in to the waters edge
watching the ebb and flow
leaning forward on the ledge
not to close, moving slow

watch it crumble and fall away
digging my toes in, feel the earth move
with the wind I sway
is there anything to prove?

To fall into the cool deep blue
beneath the surface I would sink
under the rich hue
I tip toe on the brink

Finally I let myself go
free falling ...confident
into what lies below
beneath my own surface I am spent 

Mar 15, 2006 11:49 PM 
Soft rain scented breezes
as over the land spring eases
Fresh green grass waving gentle
Clouds sometimes looming tempramental
Buds coming out from winters hiding
as cold winds begin subsiding
Migratory birds begin their return
before summers sun begins to burn
Their singing rings throughout
Joy they are not without
Children outside playing
having fun they are not delaying
Easter dresses hunting eggs among the green
as the oval marvels lay unseen
Promises of things to come
new life new beginnings for some
Mar 16, 2006 12:04 AM

Rain

hair whipped round by the wind
caressing my skin
such trembles does it send
across by body
Standing on the hillside
stalks of wheat reach skyward
an ocean of gold swaying wide
Across the skies the clouds roil
Droplets begin to fall
spattering against my cheeks
I heed to the call
of the coming storm
Feeling as though I could fly
inhaling the scent of the damp earth
cradled in the wheat grass I lay
in this I am carried away
enveloped
So on I stay

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Subject : Poetry

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 7:59 PM

Some poetry I wrote and entered in the Speak Easy Cafe group. Enjoy if you will. :D

Mar 24, 2006 10:44 PM 
I place my heart in your hands
at your will and command
please be gentle with your touch
I can only handle so much

Electricity flows through my veins
threatening to drive me insane
your soft spoken word
you do not have to strain to be heard

You are dizzying to me
I know this you do not see
Like archs of fire that consume
my love continues to bloom

Mar 24, 2006 11:15 PM 
A caged cat muscles churning under dark hide
paces to and fro watching with glowing eyes from inside
thick steel bars keep freedom from its grasp
Lunging periodically like the strike of an asp

a woman in the moonlight eyes glowing cold
an aura surrounds her as of an era of old
Grasping the thick bars with fingers long and thin
no fear shown of the creature that dwells within

A purr rumbles from the dark
and the light from a single spark
A smile crosses her red lips
breathing in the sweet night air she sips

Walk with me my friend
walk with me on my journey to the earth's end
touching the lock it falls away
on the ground open and twisted it lay

swinging open the gate
Your desire for freedom I shall sate
Massive head lain trustingly in her hands
waiting any gestures or commands

stroking gently along a cheek
Thick black fur shinky and sleek
Padding along the moonlit street
never a stranger pair should one meet

Walking on a journey long
singing a rumbling purring song
to whereever the earth may end
Til then they shall remain friends

Mar 30, 2006 11:03 PM

emblazoned interwoven
thoughts of you
I become emboldened
wildfire beckons me
heated touch
my hearts desire
want you too much
I lose my control
your gaze threatens
to steal my very soul
Drawing me in from within
entangled in your web
sweetness that should be a sin
hold me close don't let me go
I gasp for air
I feel as though I'm drowning
it's just not fair
you know not what you do
your lips press mine
you are my obsession
sensation devine
Passion overwhelming 

May 2, 2006 10:20 PM

Lay me down in a bed of roses
beauty cuts me like a knife
The question this thus poses
why do I choose this path in life?

A lonely road do I walk
a long and winding lane
It takes effort not to balk
to grip my thoughts and stay sane

My heart bleeds
droplets of crimson sorrow
The love it needs
will always be on the morrow


Hold me tight
hold me near
when the night
comes calm my fear

Keep it at bay
give me your love
tell me you'll stay
as long as the stars above

don't leave me in the dark
in the shadowed corner of your heart
let me see a spark
I am falling apart

May 5, 2006 10:10 PM 
I let the music drown out the ache
loneliness lingers
such a mess does it make
digging into my heart with clawing fingers

I suck in a breath
but it is stale
cold as death
I quickly exhale

Running my fingers through my hair
as a tear slides down
it doesnt' seem fair
I can only frown

such a void there is and will always be
nothing down the path
no future for me
only the aftermath

seeking hoping wanting more
but it seems the key is long gone
to the lock on this door
til then I wait to see if another way is shown

staring at the paint peeling on the walls
in this prison I have built myself
waiting for someone to call
and take my love down off the shelf.