Life is all about the journey

Food storage...and high grocery cost

2012-02-13T15:40:00.000-08:00

snow pea from May 2011

We started a pretty good garden this last year only to have drought take over. We weren't the only ones with this problem. I was pretty proud of what little we had going though and we have some ideas in store for this coming spring/summer to hopefully combat the high heat and drought conditions. I will go into that later. Something else that has come up is the cost of food. It is really getting high. The last few times we've gone to the store I found the cheapest thing I really saw was a whole cut up fryer for like $5.00 and that was on sale. Which was okay but hamburger which used to be one of those cheap meats has gone up tremendously. Pork seems to be the other cheap meat. I have recently started reading up on canning which turns out to be one of those ..."Why didn't I learn that before?" things. I grew up on a farm/ wooded acreage. I never learned this. Mom said she just never really got into it though we usually had a large abundant garden. My dad had a green thumb when it came to that. Disgusts me that I didn't inherit that from him. I find my plants do great so long as I don't touch them or really water them or ...well look in their direction. I know how to kill, de-feather, and cut up a chicken but not that. Another thing I want to learn is something my grandma knew. She could go out in the wood and identify most plants and use them for a dinner salad. She also cooked old school. She could make squirrel and turtle, things like that. Things people might cringe at now but was fairly common back then. They didn't have plumbing til my Mom got older. Stories like that I actually found interesting growing up and am finding fairly useful now. I think people may find that they need to go back to their roots. Anyway....In my quest to find a good starter pressure canner (which I checked into it and apparently you want a pressure canner NOT a water bath canner to kill the botulism bacteria and such and you can can more things safely with it) I found that so far the Presto gets consistently high ratings and seems to follow the same make they've had forever. I tend to prefer the older model stuff because I truly believe it was made better back in the day. I think in these times we've become a disposable society. Everything is made to be thrown away or replaced with another cheap replica of the same item. I think I've found my starter canner kit. Presto 16 quart canning kit. Walmart sells it for around 74$ which is a pretty expensive start up cost for something I am inexperienced in but I really think in the long run it will save us enough to be worth it. I am a bit nervous about it but also very hopeful. I like that this one has such high reviews (something I always check) and that it comes with a beginners kit. I want to do this so that we can buy meats and such on sale, make meals, and then store them without worry of refrigeration being a problem as we have lost food to that in the past. (Referring to the tornado) I have to admit I am guilty of thinking of mainly vegetables and jams when I thought of canning and hadn't even thought about the possibility of entire meals to be put up and stored. Wish I had of thought of that a long time ago. As for dried goods something else we recently discovered is an over looked storage container. We sometimes buy beans, rice, things like that to put up because they don't spoil. The problem is during this drought mice have become a problem for a lot of people. Coming in to look for water. We don't want anything getting into the beans and rice (or dried soups etc) and don't want to spend a lot of money on plastic containers. We also like to slip in a bit of recycling when we can. So something we came across recently was using empty pop bottles (which we tend to drink a lot of that ...a habit I'd been trying to break). You can store the rice and whatever in those after disinfecting and drying them. Here is a good link on a blogger who covers this. using soda bottles for storage. I have not tried this yet but I plan to this summer. My worry is humidity in the heat but they also suggest using those little packets that keep them dry. Another suggestion I have is we use a lot of peanut butter and thus have a lot of peanut butter jars on hand. My favorites are those huge commodity sized ones you can find at the grocery store but I'm sure you could use about any plastic or *glass < I worry about them being easily broken...containers that are you are done using so long as they are disinfected and dry and sealed. I am always looking for other suggestions too so if anyone has any feel free to leave a comment.

Chickens

2012-02-13T15:02:00.000-08:00

Ziggy the rooster

A year or so ago we decided to invest in a small flock of chickens. We checked into our city laws (if you are interested you need to check to see if they are allowed as not all cities will allow you to keep them with in city limits.) If you plan on getting a rooster you might ask your neighbors about this. We were pleasantly surprised (and very lucky) to find that our neighbors actually enjoy hearing ours . We did sound proof the coop so that before he is let out (at a decent hour) he isn't too loud. He will also let you know if something is amiss by crowing. You don't have to have a rooster though for eggs just if you want them fertilized. Ours does not allow goats though we see them all over the city. I personally would love to keep a few for the milk etc. Anyway. I raised chickens as a teenager and was thrilled at the prospect. I have always enjoyed having them around. We picked up 3 black chicks from Atwoods and then went and got another two later (these two bantams) but something got into the cage and got them. In the end we wound up with two of the origional chicks and then when they were older about 6-8 months we got the rooster and three Aracaunas and wound up with a game hen. We took an old wood shed that was destroyed in a tornado in 2010 and rebuilt it as a chicken coop adding a run later when they got big enough. We now have a rooster and six hens which give us about a dozen eggs every two days (almost...one of them a game hen quit laying for the winter but the others 3 aracaunas and some of the black star (I think?) breeds both lay currently so we get 2 large brown and 2 green and one blue egg usually. The game hen lays white. We give them cuttings from whatever veggies we use (tomato ends, strawberry ends, the end of a head of romaine, and sometimes other things). Something I learned recently but have not tried yet is if you rub mineral oil on the shells it is supposed to make the eggs last longer. We've found they last longer of course than store bought and we tend to share them with our neighbors and family. There are always eggs around to boil, or fry, or use in meals. I would like to learn how to make powdered eggs and I am soon to start learning canning I think so may try pickled also. (not a fave of mine but I know others that like them) Chickens are also good for keeping pests like ticks and such out of your yard though I haven't been able to let ours free range. I hope maybe eventually when we get a fence up they can do a bit of that. You can also... if you have the time and don't mind putting the effort in ...make your own fertilizer for your garden.

another road on my journey

2012-02-13T14:41:00.000-08:00

Tecumseh lake Feb 2012

I think I have a use for my main blog finally (Now if I could just get some time to start writing my stories for my creative writing one LOL) I am always wanting to learn new things and this one seems actually pretty useful and a positive life change. Now I am sure many have heard of "Preppers" people who sort of take being prepared to a whole different level. That is actually not what I am trying to achieve (well quite on that level) though I have learned there are some really useful ideas there. I am going to share those here as I learn them as well as if I get a chance to try them I will share how well they worked etc. I find a lot of the ideas you find there (depending on style) are actually very green ideas which is a good thing and there is an economical appeal there also. I can see why people do it. We experienced a mini disaster of our own a few years back when a tornado took us off the grid for a couple of weeks. Keeping in mind it was ONLY a couple of weeks but no phone (though interesting enough for some reason they kept getting 911 calls from our number even though there was no phone line connected to the house at all...we were somewhat amused by this) and no electricity etc. There is also the issue of gas prices sky rocketing and now food prices are following suit in the wake of weather that has become unpredictable and rather devastating on crops and such. Grains are not doing so well and in turn it is becoming more expensive to feed the livestock and drought conditions in the lower half of the states are contributing to this factor. We are one of those states and as of right now the water situation is rather grim. The lake we get our water from is nearly dry there is only a small amount (about the size of a small cow pond) There are wells beneath the Canadian River but they are not keeping up with demand. They plan on buying water from the neighboring town but they are supposedly talking about water rationing themselves. According to different weather sources this summer is predicted to be as hot and dry as last summer was. Last summer was nearly insufferable and was up into the 100's (usually about 110 F or so) and we were given a water cooler by a friend to use which I think pretty much saved us for the summer....the problem is it uses water. I have convinced hubby to get a rain barrel (would like to have gone a cheaper route but I am thinking this is much needed) Now we just need to pick it up and then we need rain to fill it. No pool to stay cool in this year either as we are under rationing. Another thing that is going up is utilities. We have run into some bad luck in this area. Our gas line broke and the gas company can not find it. (leaving us with having to hire a plumber to basically do a blind search and we don't have the money for that right now) so we have had to turn to using electric for everything. I am line drying my clothes which really doesn't work out so well when it is below freezing outside (popsicles!) thankfully my mom dries them when it is like that so long as I do her laundry since her washer needs work...it works out in trade. Saves some energy also. We keep a rubber rain bucket under a gutter where when it rains the bucket fills and we use that for gardening and such. We are always looking for new ideas to save money, be a bit more green, and not use so much energy.

So anyway what this blog is going to contain a lot of (among other things if I have any) is the learning of new techniques for homesteading (small town), green living, and learning some old school stuff like canning etc...that I find useful.

Brighter days ahead

2012-01-19T14:43:00.000-08:00

Well so far life seems to be on the upswing. I have blogged some in my other blog about things. (my one I keep for healing) I had to go to the city the other day for my youngest's surgery which for me is a big deal as I've been battling agoraphobia for some time. Did actually pretty well with it and even when under the duress of the van not shifting while on the free way with Semi's blowing past us while we were doing bare minimum speed limit and then trying to make turns and it stalling at intersections. Still have another big trip to go but not nearly so bad as this one was very early in the morning and I have difficulty with that anyway and the other is afternoon which is a lot better, shorter trip, less stressfull all around. Just have to get our van going. Have a lot of projects on hold but with the warm spring like weather all I need to do is find time...easier said than done. Staying busy like usual but I am hopeful. I need to redo our front porch. (It needs more support beams up under it and the wood needs replacing.) I am also hoping I will chance across the gas line as I seem to remember seeing it when I pulled the board up last time. My dad had said it was a very thin line (old timey gas line) and it went into the house in a funky place. The gas company could not find it. If I can find it it makes getting our gas lines fixed and everything back on a lil easier. Hubby still has plans to rip up the floors inside the house and we have some water line work to do at some point. There is no real crawl space under our house or well not if you are not a very tiny person anyway. I plan to enclose the front porch some but am going to need help. Gotta have at least one kid to watch the youngest and play with her (which the two older that are at home now one of them won't do it at all and the other has no patience so that is hard) so that hubby can maybe help me lift the board that I would be putting across it and all since the one who was helping me with it last time isn't here. (My middle of the three older) I want to put rails in around the porch and enclose the bottom half somewhat. Hoping hubby can help me break down some more pallets for wood two since that is definitely a two person job. This summer I hope to have rain barrels as our local lake is nearly dry and we are still on outdoor rationing (which no one seems to notice as much because it is winter...well in theory LOL and there is no watering to be done) ...though by this summer we'll be needing it. Hopefully we will get some rain this spring or they say they will have to start buying water and our bills will go up. We have some plans for our mini garden though that will hopefully work despite the dry weather. I will post more later but at this time am just very worn out. It has been a long week. I know this blog may not have matched the title but I do feel like things are starting to turn around for us...and am very hopeful.

Dreaming

2012-01-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

Wandering soul free spirit
Feet bare in the loam
the sounds of life, can you hear it?
echos from where you roam

Take me with you
my hand in yours
Forest of dreams we run through
lost in hours

For time means nothing here
lead me away
neither pain nor fear
no more night and day

Only the moment we are in
feeling the breezes play
breathing out and in
if only we could stay

Behind closed eyes
peaceful it would seem
a world beyond that lies
To sleep again perchance to dream

last few for now

2011-01-28T17:16:00.000-08:00

Posted Date: : Sep 1, 2006 8:52 PM

Posted: Sep 1, 2006 10:32 AM

The candle wax drips and melts down
a reminder of time spent
a glass half full of wine in which sorrows were drown
lip prints showing where the other half went

roses in a vase
petals wilting, withering away
this house is an empty space
not even the sunbeams will play

silence echoes the halls
darkness gathers in the corners
gloom collects on the walls
long ago left the mourner

but the sadness lingers on
frost on the pane chills the air
a glimpse at the shadowed lawn
reveals her empty chair

This feels unfinished but I wasn't sure where to go with it. o.O :P

Posted Date: : Sep 29, 2006 4:45 PM

hmmmmmm not quite done with this... :D

Touch my lips with your desire
set my mind body and soul afire
kiss me with your caress
burning insatiable under duress

haunt me with your eyes so deep
you know my heart is yours to keep
running my fingers through your hair
mesmirized by your gazing stare

hold me in your arms so tight
long into the deep of night
walk with me a little longer
while my love for you grows even stronger

More poetry (I had them in and old blog)

2011-01-28T17:12:00.001-08:00

osted: Aug 31, 2006 10:31 PM

Soft caress on my skin
so sweet as to almost cause pain
stirring a well deep within
so long it has dormant lain

wake me from my slumber
not a restful sleep
through nightmares do I lumber
into the darkness so very deep

my soul rests here somewhere
bound in chains and hidden away
it has been stored there
for forever and a day

protect myself from more salt
poured into my wounds that still bleed
not looking to find a fault
just warnings that I heed

freedom I fear to feel
so locked up inside I stay
wishing to begin to heal
while at the seams I fray

find me a path to follow
paper lanterns to light the way
give me a new truth to swallow
teach me how to play

hold me tight as the salt flows
I struggle against the grip
til the need to run slows
and my fears begin to slip

Posted: Aug 31, 2006 10:18 PM

Reflections on the surface
red of liquid fire
ripples on the glass
orange orb goes to retire

beyond the world's edge it sinks
lady of the lake bids me fare the well
stars begin to blink
holding me in their spell

velvet wrapped earth inviting me to be
intoxicated by the scene at hand
dancing with glee
drawing scenes in the glittering sand

sipping the nectar of life
drinking it in with out holding back
no longer any strife
no happiness will I lack

A bunch of my old poetry

2011-01-28T17:10:00.000-08:00

Subject : Autumn Poem

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 9:43 PM

Leaves falling to the ground
twisting and turning
a golden carpet all around
an unlit fire burning

A chill tinges the morning
soft mist rising into the air
a veil to hide what the day will bring
a vague reminder of a county fair

hickory smoke incense
sifting from a nearby bonfire
intoxicating and intense
does well to inspire

dark asphalt mirroring the dark sky
overcast in shadows of rain
thoughts turn to pondering the whys
pondering the days before me again

The breeze carries the scent of ripened wheat
The last rays of summer sun kissing the earth
as it takes its seat
apon fall's throne before its hearth

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Subject : LOL More

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 8:29 PM

May 3, 2006 11:48 PM

Lay me down in a bed of roses
beauty cuts me like a knife
The question this thus poses
why do I choose this path in life?

A lonely road do I walk
a long and winding lane
It takes effort not to balk
to grip my thoughts and stay sane

My heart bleeds
droplets of crimson sorrow
The love it needs
will always be on the morrow

Hold me tight
hold me near
when the night
comes calm my fear

Keep it at bay
give me your love
tell me you'll stay
as long as the stars above

don't leave me in the dark
in the shadowed corner of your heart
let me see a spark
I am falling apart

May 4, 2006 12:07 AM

Your silence deafens me
I want to scream to break it
shatter the darkness I can't see
but you do as you see fit

I try to not fall beneath the weight
crushed by my own heart
I hold it in and wait for the pain to abate
hoping it doesn't tear me apart

seeking comfort but finding none
laying in a cold empty bed
when the day is done
It is a lonely life I've led

waiting for a rescue that never comes
I hungrily await my dreams at night
desire reigns and I am not numb
restore to me my hope, my vision, my sight.

May 4, 2006 1:02 AM

Lemme see if I can do a lil erotica....Been on a sad lonely kick as of late.

I tremble in your presence
you stand close to me breathing
it is desire that fills that small distance
desire that has welled within seething

time stands still
slow motion as the gap we close
I am at your will
opened as the petals of a rose

electric pulse rushing
your lips touch mine
your fingertips brushing
your taste divine

I feel myself falling
a million miles away and yet here
your arms are calling
as my lashes close and it is clear

that is where I belong
sheets of silk
an unsung song
skin of porcelain milk

two souls collide
and for a moment bond
melding inside
I cannot help but respond

Your call beckons me
bound by your chains
I am entranced you see
your presence drives me happily insane

Jun 7, 2006 11:33 PM

Hmmmm well that one did so lessee

drawing down the light of the stars
wrapping herself in the gauze of shadows
locking her insecurities behind bars
as her feeling of self asuredness grows

borrowing the velvet of roses for her lips
a dab of sweet lilac on her wrist
moonlit tresses brush her hips
as she gives them a slight twist

eyes of emeralds glint
sharp tang of blood hides beneath the smile
her sideways glance only gives a hint
of come walk with me for a little while

we'll follow the path and see where it leads
speak softly together of stories old
to the edge of the moonbeams and where they heed
come with me and I'll treat you as gold

Smile that creeps across lips so full
she beckons for you to follow
your blood has just begun to cool
as she begins to swallow

Jun 7, 2006 11:41 PM

what is this I see in my reflection
tis not me but rejection
I am such a different person inside
and yet long ago that person died
Someone is in there I know they are
underneath the emotional scar
My heart beats loud and clear
wishing there were someone there to hold me near
touch me softly and awaken
what lies in side waiting to be taken
let me be who I know is there
show me there is someone that does care
let your kisses cover my skin
and let shine what lies here within
take away the scars and pain
and let me learn how to live again.

Jun 22, 2006 1:04 AM

I'd be completely content to sit and listen in as these are some great works in here tonight! Wow! I toss one in to the mix and then off to bed as I must sleep.

Innocence lost into the dark corridors of my mind
The sweet sips of new things to see
lost in the past and I cannot again find
the feeling that once was or what I wish I could be

I wish to be able to lay back and soak in a bright summer day
clouds of thick cotton floating across a brilliant blue
gently cradled in a sea of green not a word to say
only to drink in all the different hues

no cares nor worries to cross into my thoughts
nothing bogging me down with the weight of pain
no harsh life lessons that are being taught
while I grasp at strings trying to remain sane

Let me wander through a field of dreams
dancing among the petals fair
from sunbeam to sunbeam
innocence for a moment regained and not having a care

Jun 24, 2006 1:20 AM

Though I've tried to douse it with the rain of tears
the ember of affection I feel is still hot to the touch
I can't seem to hold it back and despite my fears
I find it still emits a light though through the scarring you can't see much

I know that deep within burns a cyclone of emotional tumoil
churning about trying to work its way to the surface
I can't let them out for my own facade that would spoil
and your reaction I can not face

So hide from the sun
not wanting to see its shining rays of hope
softly whispered I tell myself I am done
I say it through a veil of smoke

as the ember heats again
only to burn me as always
from even deeper within
I shall endure this pain til the end of my days

Jul 2, 2006 5:33 PM

I am hollow
nothing inside an longer
an empty echo
rebounding, silence grows stronger

I want to release it all in a scream
struggling wanting to run but going nowhere
wanting to wake from this dark drowning dream
through the fabric of reality I tear

Free me from this web in which I am entangled
was it me whose fine threads were wove?
the same fine threads who leave me strangled?
into these dark forboding waters I dove.

Salty tears run their course
I taste them on my lips
I feel the darkness seeping into my pores
and into the dark again I slip.

I am hollow
yet filled with pain, longing, and wistful desire
what is there to swallow
this slow burning fire?

Jul 2, 2006 5:44 PM
Life rushes by like a river rushing never knowing what is around the bend onward going ever pushing not knowing where it reaches an end secrets does it keep beneath hidden treasures tumbled along until it chooses to bequeath the story that may have been hidden for so long attracting life itself to it's edges holding the essence of liquid gold to sustain us it pledges young or old

Posted: Jul 20, 2006 12:41 AM

wow is it hot in here? :) Looks like some great writing going on tonight. Darlyn I hope to see more of yours! Very origional, bold and just love it! ;)

I walk into the room my gaze sweeps
you are standing on the other side
the one my heart belongs to for keeps
A smile across my lips grows wide

I slip through the crowd
but soon see another in the booth
I try not to gasp aloud
for doing so would seem uncouth

I lean back hoping my eyes have lied
but there she is sitting across from you
I wipe away the tears and feel something wrench inside
I take a moment trying to decide what to do

I watch you nod your head and reach for her hand
She grasps your own tight
it seems all I can stand
I know inside it just isn't right

I start to walk away but I've watched too long
as you look my way you suddenly know
They start playing our song
as I turn to hurriedly go

Her face twists in confusion as you come after me
I dart through the crowd in pain
The tears blinding me so that I cannot see
I go through the door not looking back again

You try and stop me as I run away
It isn't as it seems
I hear you stammering to say
It all appears a dream

You grip my arm and I turn from you
you slowly release me
you know I am through
I have set you free.

Dunno where this came from. LOL It isn't an emotion I am in the midst of or anythign it is just what came out when I wrote though I have been there somewhat w/ the ex.

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Subject : Yep more poetry. LOL

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 8:18 PM

Mar 23, 2006 12:35 AM
Just a rainy day

Raindrops rapping against my pane
like soft fingertips drumming a tune
the silence inside driving me insane
hope it is broken soon

daydreaming of a warmer place to be
wrapping myself in soft fleece
but it is enveloping arms in my minds eye I see
in them I feel a sense of peace

I wish to close my eyes and transport
myself to another place
where time is not so short
it is my own space

somewhere not so alone
soft warm caress
no more heart of stone
no feelings of duress

Please don't wake me if this place I find
I don't wish to open my eyes
I think I'd rather be blind
than wear happiness as my disquise

Instead leave me to my dreams
raindrops playing a rhythm to a song
only I can hear it seems
I promise I won't dwell too long ;)

Apr 5, 2006 10:40 PM

I look deep into those twin pools
searching for meaning that must dwell within
pulling away secrets like thread from spools
Speak to me my soul twin

dancing among the stars
glittering among jewels devine
hidden are our scars
as we gleam and shine

fingers interlaced
spinning round and round
feeling as though we've found our place
our own sacred ground

happiness fills my inner core
I look forward to each day
to see what it holds in store
what surprises there do lay

Apr 12, 2006 10:08 PM

a soft breeze carries hints of moisture
playing with tendrils of newly budded green
awakening the trees of their sleeping tenure
bending and swaying to forces unseen
The birds cease their trilling
silence falling all around
as crickets herald the incoming
moisture with their rhythmic sound
shadows begin to spread
covering the earth as a cloak
of forboding as the air falls still and clouds turn red
and dark as thick smoke
A low grumble begins and builds til then
A bullwhip of thunder cracks
making the wind blow again
Lighting breaks through the black
Raindrops begin to pelt the ground
in large droplets that leave discs in the dirt
spattering all around
soil drinking it in deep
plants cupping their leaves
The skies continue to weep
glinting droplets through the foilage weaves
Life giving force washing away the drought
reveling in its wetness
no longer going without
soaking in its caresses
Soon the thunder begins to fade
curtains parting for the final show
through the sky a rainbow cascades
illuminating the grass...a green healthy glow.

Apr 20, 2006 12:57 AM
violet caress kissed softly by butterflies lilac scent wafting (yea I say violet with three syllables. LOL) Purring your sweet song my lovely Taffy my friend Golden happiness

Apr 26, 2006 10:49 PM

I am so glad to be here after such a long hectic week. It is always good to come in here and relax and listen.

Glass of wine on the table
tell tale prints grace it in red
the stories it could tell if it were able
but silence it keeps instead

A single rose
petals scattered about
it lays as if posed
it's scent permeates throughout

laughter fills the air from another room
a candle is lit from within
holding back the gloom
as soft voices carry forth again.

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Subject : More poetry

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 8:04 PM

Jun 8, 2006 10:53 PM

Yearning grips me in its tight embrace
I writhe for release
the power of it holds me in place
a reflection in your eyes I see

Only an image mirrored back
there is no hint of how you feel
I'm staring into a void of black
seeking your heart to steal

I reach for you and you slip away
My fingers brush only air
and I know you'll not stay
why is it that life is so unfair?

you know not that you take
my heart with you when you go
my love is not fake
this I wish you to know

do with it what you will
for while seeking yours
it is my own heart you steal
and into your hands all my love pours

Jun 8, 2006 11:03 PM

what is it to know love
is it a fluttering in your heart?
Like that of a dove
is it supposed to rip you apart?

to leave you in two
Is it a soft caress
meant just for you?
yet leaves you a mess

Is it a quiet moment
feeling safe in their arms
or aching torment
loss, fear, alarm

what does it feel like
to know it is felt for you
not like the sharp spike
that has run me through

Is this why I flinch in pain
at the first sight of interest?
these questions drive me insane
I do not deserve the best

cut me like a knife
run through with a blade sharp
all I've known is strife
where do I begin to start

to learn to feel
without that instinct
I know not how to heal
for me love may be extinct

Aug 6, 2006 12:15 AM

Drawn in to the waters edge
watching the ebb and flow
leaning forward on the ledge
not to close, moving slow

watch it crumble and fall away
digging my toes in, feel the earth move
with the wind I sway
is there anything to prove?

To fall into the cool deep blue
beneath the surface I would sink
under the rich hue
I tip toe on the brink

Finally I let myself go
free falling ...confident
into what lies below
beneath my own surface I am spent

Mar 15, 2006 11:49 PM
Soft rain scented breezes
as over the land spring eases
Fresh green grass waving gentle
Clouds sometimes looming tempramental
Buds coming out from winters hiding
as cold winds begin subsiding
Migratory birds begin their return
before summers sun begins to burn
Their singing rings throughout
Joy they are not without
Children outside playing
having fun they are not delaying
Easter dresses hunting eggs among the green
as the oval marvels lay unseen
Promises of things to come
new life new beginnings for some
Mar 16, 2006 12:04 AM

Rain

hair whipped round by the wind
caressing my skin
such trembles does it send
across by body
Standing on the hillside
stalks of wheat reach skyward
an ocean of gold swaying wide
Across the skies the clouds roil
Droplets begin to fall
spattering against my cheeks
I heed to the call
of the coming storm
Feeling as though I could fly
inhaling the scent of the damp earth
cradled in the wheat grass I lay
in this I am carried away
enveloped
So on I stay

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Subject : Poetry

Posted Date: : Aug 24, 2006 7:59 PM

Some poetry I wrote and entered in the Speak Easy Cafe group. Enjoy if you will. :D

Mar 24, 2006 10:44 PM
I place my heart in your hands
at your will and command
please be gentle with your touch
I can only handle so much

Electricity flows through my veins
threatening to drive me insane
your soft spoken word
you do not have to strain to be heard

You are dizzying to me
I know this you do not see
Like archs of fire that consume
my love continues to bloom

Mar 24, 2006 11:15 PM
A caged cat muscles churning under dark hide
paces to and fro watching with glowing eyes from inside
thick steel bars keep freedom from its grasp
Lunging periodically like the strike of an asp

a woman in the moonlight eyes glowing cold
an aura surrounds her as of an era of old
Grasping the thick bars with fingers long and thin
no fear shown of the creature that dwells within

A purr rumbles from the dark
and the light from a single spark
A smile crosses her red lips
breathing in the sweet night air she sips

Walk with me my friend
walk with me on my journey to the earth's end
touching the lock it falls away
on the ground open and twisted it lay

swinging open the gate
Your desire for freedom I shall sate
Massive head lain trustingly in her hands
waiting any gestures or commands

stroking gently along a cheek
Thick black fur shinky and sleek
Padding along the moonlit street
never a stranger pair should one meet

Walking on a journey long
singing a rumbling purring song
to whereever the earth may end
Til then they shall remain friends

Mar 30, 2006 11:03 PM

emblazoned interwoven
thoughts of you
I become emboldened
wildfire beckons me
heated touch
my hearts desire
want you too much
I lose my control
your gaze threatens
to steal my very soul
Drawing me in from within
entangled in your web
sweetness that should be a sin
hold me close don't let me go
I gasp for air
I feel as though I'm drowning
it's just not fair
you know not what you do
your lips press mine
you are my obsession
sensation devine
Passion overwhelming

May 2, 2006 10:20 PM

May 5, 2006 10:10 PM
I let the music drown out the ache
loneliness lingers
such a mess does it make
digging into my heart with clawing fingers

I suck in a breath
but it is stale
cold as death
I quickly exhale

Running my fingers through my hair
as a tear slides down
it doesnt' seem fair
I can only frown

such a void there is and will always be
nothing down the path
no future for me
only the aftermath

seeking hoping wanting more
but it seems the key is long gone
to the lock on this door
til then I wait to see if another way is shown

staring at the paint peeling on the walls
in this prison I have built myself
waiting for someone to call
and take my love down off the shelf.

Animal die offs in the news

2011-01-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

I've been following this with continued curiosity and remember several stories from the last year in which there were massive fish die off with pictures that when posted looked like a close up shot of a highway until you realize you are looking at fish not asphalt. I had been interested in it then. Now with this seeming to escalate as more stories emerge much closer together and the world paying attention (possibly more so than in previous months during the other stories) I decided to do more research on it. I am absolutely fascinated sometimes by stories such as these and sort of dive into them. I found several compilations of the recent die offs. Here is one compilation with links to news articles world wide. http://www.eutimes.net/2011/01/birds-and-fish-are-now-dying-all-around-the-world/comment-page-1/ I went through and was reading them and I have seen numerous theories. Some far fetched and some more down to earth. Some that were come up with via the professionals sounded really to me like they were reaching. Like the fireworks...really? They expect the public to buy that one? People have been setting off fireworks for who knows how long with nothing like this happening. This also does not explain the fish kills and other species. Now if this were one event happening then it may not raise my eyebrows but it is happening world wide at an alarming rate. My own theory (whether far fetched or not is up to you to decide and I would love to hear other theories by the way) is this. I had heard about the theory of the poles shifting before. When I started hearing how some of the birds allegedly slammed into a power line (over 500 birds at once) I though wow really? Then I thought you know I did have an idea of something that may cause something like that to happen even if it did sound odd. Birds travel using the earths magnetic fields *This description from About.com describes it a little better: Magnetic Sensing: Many birds have special chemicals or compounds in their brains, eyes or bills that help them sense the Earth's magnetic field. This helps the birds orient themselves for long journeys. I enjoy reading up on most things involving science (that is unless they involve mathmatics and I lose interest faster than....ooh look a kitty. You get the idea.) Anyways so if something is wrong in that department that might explain why they were drawn to a power line or something with an electric current. Then I sort of formed my theory out of that idea. Other species that use that to navigate include fish which are also involved in the mass die offs.

I found this statement in an article. Can't remember which one I just copied and saved it so I could find it. Should have saved the link too. The movement of the Earth's north magnetic pole towards Siberia are caused by rapid changes in the magnetism of the planet's core.The latest changes are the most dramatic in a century - the pole had been begun moving to the northeast at about 9 miles per year in 1904 but since 2007 has been racing towards Siberia by at least 35 miles each year.
Something else I saw pointed out in a comment. If the deaths were suspected to be caused by fireworks why were the workers wearing protective suits and gas masks to collect the dead birds? I add to this. I can understand precaution but if the mass die offs are common as they have stated over and over ....and yes I can see that they might be but much fewer and farther between not all happening so closely together like they are now...but if this is something they are commonly used to dealing with then would they not be wearing more like rubber gloves maybe and a paper mask type filter that you would normally see? I have to admit. I find this odd. That to me says that they are not as used to dealing with this as they say and are being more cautious than they normally would. Even if they were worried about disease. Maybe bird flu was a fear?

Then comes out the story about the FL. airport having to shut down so they could reconfigure their runways to allow for the magnetic pole shifting enough that they needed to adjust to realign with it. We have a compass that was given to my son that is out of an airplane and just out of curiosity tested it and yes it is different. As is another one my husband had and used just to double check. If it is changing at a much faster rate 9mpy vs. 35 mpy is actually quite a difference.
I think this may have a bearing on our wildlife, weather, and the earthquakes we are now experiencing more.
I have found several articles where they felt at first the Madrid Fault line was dying but now have rethought this as the earthquakes along the area have actually increased and now think it may be quite the opposite. That it may be waking up. FEMA has issued a statement that in the 200 year anniversary of it last going off they want people to be prepared as part of their new years resolutions.
http://www.fema.gov/news/newsrelease.fema?id=53401

Really I will listen to what people say, articles, etc but I don't sit there and take it all for fact. I research it myself to gather my own information and make sure to check many different resources. I think that is what anyone should do. Look things up for themselves and decide for themselves what they think or how they feel about any given situation. Don't rely on others to tell you what to think or feel.
To me I feel we are up for some very big changes. These are likely changes the world has experienced before we just weren't around to really see or experience them for ourselves and while there are records of some of these changes that is not quite the same as us being there to know what it feels like or things that may not be down on paper if that makes sense. The earth is a constantly evolving and changing planet and we are only a blip in the time line. We tend to forget that. People tend to not look at the bigger picture sometimes and act like we are the only species that matters when that is far from the truth. I may post more on this later.
Sometimes I just like to put all this in writing especially when I have a line of thought like this that sort of sticks in my head or that I am just interested in.

*I had to add this from the national wildlife federation website...This to me is a far cry from "Common" Still says unusual. Sounds like they are looking at each case individually which would be fine except for the larger picture says another story to me. It does say though that they are continuing to look into it. There is this map also on google maps the 2nd link posted is from the national wildlife association
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?msa=0&msid=201817256339889828327.0004991bca25af104a22b
This one is supposedly more updated

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps/ms?hl=en&ie=UTF8&vps=1&jsv=304e&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=214033381917754770249.00049914669207a782c3e
The National Wildlife Federation has been following those reports of mysterious bird & fish deaths in Arkansas & Louisiana. Dr. Doug Inkley, NWF senior scientist, appeared on CNN’s American Morning today to discuss the incident, saying it’s unusual but not unheard of:
....
http://www.nwhc.usgs.gov/map/mortality_events.jsp

Catching up here

2010-11-19T17:32:00.000-08:00

Well I plan on keeping my other blog fairly active for awhile at least. As for home life it has been hectic as usual. Mom is doing pretty good though I think she is getting lonely. She came over today just to visit and I feel bad that I haven't been over there more to just sit and talk. It has just been so crazy here trying to get everything done though that it is difficult. We are getting ready for thanksgiving dinner and not sure really when to have it yet. Thanksgiving day is suppose to be really cold and if we do it any sooner really we aren't sure we'll have time to get everything together. Not sure what the weather will be like after either. I enjoy these get togethers I just wish we had our stuff actually together so it might be easier to do. Chris and Cassie have been acting up and actually got into a physical fight the other day. We had gone to the grocery store after I got my tooth pulled out which was an ordeal in itself. I really liked the dentist I went to. They were super nice and made very sure it was all numb before they worked on it and made sure that I actually wanted it taken out. They had to break it though and remove it in pieces so I am really sore still. The root was curved and hooked I guess under the tooth beside it. I was not feeling good to begin with and I have trouble going places anyway but I am able to go to the store some now. We needed to get some things for dinner. In the short period of time that we were gone we get a call as we are standing in the check out line and I see Jerry listen for a bit and then he looks at me and says our house is being destroyed. I was like what? If you could have only seen the images that ran through my head as we still have that big tree leaning over our house because the tree people never came back to finish their job. Then he hands the phone to me and says you talk to her. (meaning Cassie) all I hear is screaming. After listening for a few I finally determine that she and Chris are in a huge fight. She couldn't get him to back off. I realize that people in the line the cashiers and all are starting to look at me as if waiting to see what is going on. I tell her to go lock herself in the bathroom til we get home that we are leaving right then. So we get home and Chris is now calm and it looks like they really tore each other up and it was over something stupid. They are supposed to stay in their seperate rooms when we are gone to prevent things like this and apparently he had gone to her room and was bugging her so she told him to leave. Then she heard him in the kitchen messing around and was going to call us to let us know (wasn't that big a deal really that he was in the kitchen so long as he wasn't getting into stuff) He got mad because she was going to call us and demanded the phone which she refused to give up. So he charged her and was physically kicking, hitting etc and they even resorted to biting at one point. I am all going WTF??!! So needless to say that they won't be staying home alone anymore for awhile though they are 11 (almost 12) and 16 1/2 Old enough that they shouldn't have had a problem with it. Completely rediculous. Then we found out that I had accidentally written our electric bill out of our 2ndary account instead of the main which messed us up there. Go me. Not a good day at all though we did okay after that. We got both kids seperated and talked to and cleaned up and then made dinner. I got super nauseous later that evening not sure if from just the pain medicine or the stress. I am feeling a bit better today but still super sore and every time I eat it hurts but I expected that because of the effort it took to get the tooth out. I also ran into someone I went to school with back in the day as she was the dental hygenist. On a good note my in-laws (who I totally adore by the way) came by and helped hubby set the support beam on the front porch back up the way it goes. I am thrilled. I have a mental list of house repairs in my head and am so glad to be able to scratch one off the list. My next biggie is getting some sheet metal over Chris' room to help keep the rain water from leaking into this one area. Some building flaw my dad made when making the carport and all. I am on a cleaning mission though there are days that I seriously feel like I've taken 10 steps back. I make progress I just don't feel it. I watch hoarders and clean house to motivate me (and plus they are interesting) and hubby hates hoarders. (the show) I am off again for now and will post more later I guess.

How do you start to heal?

2010-11-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

I have done some healing over the years but I don't know how far I've really gotten. It doesn't take much to trigger the pain all over again or for me to relive the fear. The turmoil inside that erupts swirling around where I feel like I have to escape but from what? and how? I am an abuse survivor. This is something I wish I could just leave in the past and go on without another look back but it follows me through out my day to day life rearing its ugly head and causing me to crash back down unexpectedly. It clings to me like an unwelcome shadow when I look at how other people live their lives and I wish I could go about my own without such a struggle all the time.

I want to be at peace. I really don't have any place to quiet my mind for awhile and let it all ease away. I used to draw for that and I really don't have the time or quiet space in the day to do that right now. I can hardly type this out right now with out my mind being cluttered by all the background noise in the room. It is hard to just rest mentally.

I have found that sometimes typing it all out helps. I did have a blog going on myspace where I had a select few people to put this forth to. A sounding board if you will but I had let that go for awhile and I can tell it as I am feeling particularly stressed right now. Right now I am just rambling but I do plan on getting more down to the details of it all. I did it once before and I can do it again it is just hard for me. I put the link for this up on my facebook and like I said it is like baring my soul. Especially here. I guess a test run for writing it in a book? I would like to hear back from others who may have experianced situations like mine and would like to hear how they deal with it. It is hard for someone dealing with this. When you want to talk to someone about it not many people really want to listen. Especially when it is a life time worth. How do you vent about it when you need to? You can't let it build up inside for too long but what do you do? People alot of times why you react the way you do. They can't see inside your head and know what is going on there and you aren't sure how to express it especially when you are wound up from it. By the time you are calm enough to explain it you don't feel like talking about it. I find writing a good way to express it because you can put some thoughts down and if you are interrupted you can come back to it later to continue them. You can think as you type so they aren't coming out in a jumble. Drawing is another. For me it takes me someplace else for awhile while I work on it. Each line an expression of something. I usually listen to music while drawing and find that helps. I think I am going to have to come back to this because as of right now the kids are in the living room and being particularly loud and bouncing. I am having some trouble concentrating. :( I guess this is a start though however small it may be.

Time stands still for no one

2010-09-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

I am right now dealing with issues regarding my mom's health and haven't had as much time to blog really that or I have the time but if I so much as open the window to blog something else happens and I put it off. My mom finally made it in for her colonoscopy after another troubling night with the prep they give you for it. She had alot of trouble with it and couldn't really keep it down but fought through it and it worked. They checked her out and found so far a Hiatal hernia , 4 pockets where she has Diverticulitis , and two sections of dead bowel or intestinal ischemia and infarction . In other words two sections of her bowel quit receiving their blood supply. They had told her during this appt. that she should start getting blood flow back to them that she just had to sit up for 3 hours after meals and all should be fine. They took biopsies and told her they'd call with the results. She has an appointment coming up to see her regular dr. for bloodwork to see where her levels and all are. She is still getting nauseous which is not good as they don't really know why that is happening. I don't think anyone has checked her white cell count since she was in the hospital with this so we don't know that the infection is gone or just staying subdued. I don't know if the IV's she received at the last two appointments is what is keeping her going either.
In any case she received her phone call today and the news was not good. They said that the biopsies had come back with not good results. They said that she has to have treatment but did not inform her what this treatment would be or what the treatment was for. Told her nothing of the result ...just that they are bad and if she does not receive said treatment that she would wind up right back where she was with the hemorrhaging, diarrhea, vomiting, low blood pressure, high white cell count, etc. The dr. had told her before that she was lucky to have made it through that the first time. That if there was a next time it was not likely she would make it through so knowing that this news is hard to take. She doesn't see them for two weeks. (a little over that actually)
We had really thought that from what they told us following the colonoscopy that things were going better but it looks like that is not so.
I'm not sure what to think til after this next appt (or well two appointments) of hers or what to expect and I'm sure for her this is much harder. :(

Wow alot to blog about all the sudden...

2010-09-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure where to start. Plenty of news stories catching my eye too. I guess I'll start with yesterday. Yesterday we woke up to the sound of helicopters over head and (yes we woke up late LOL) so I got curious and checked facebook to see if anyone knew what was going on. Shortly after I found out about the police chase etc that happened and that there was a man hunt here in Tecumseh. This is the full news story from the countywide news <<<< Well okay I wound up having to use the Shawnee news star because countywide took theirs down???

Crime spree: Robberies, carjackings, shooting

Two arrested in connection with Seminole, Pottawatomie County crime spree

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KIM MORAVA

Pottawatomie County Sheriff Mike Booth, left, and Seminole County Sheriff Shannon Smith, right, escort Jason Masieo to a patrol car Tuesday. Masieo was taken into custody following a manhunt in Tecumseh. He, along with another suspect arrested in Norman, are suspects in a two-county crime spree of armed robberies, a shooting and several carjackings.

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By Kim Morava

kimberly.morava@news-star.com

Posted Sep 07, 2010 @ 09:52 PM

SHAWNEE, Okla. —

Two suspects were apprehended Tuesday following a crime spree in Seminole and Pottawatomie counties that included several armed robberies, carjackings, a shooting, police pursuits and a manhunt.
Law enforcement officers swarmed Tecumseh Tuesday, where schools and businesses were locked down following the armed robbery of Ralph’s Pharmacy, 211 S. Broadway.
With the help of tracking dogs during the manhunt, suspect Jason Masieo was nabbed nearly two blocks from the pharmacy shortly after 3 p.m. Suspect Bobby Cardenas, 44, had been arrested around 11 a.m. after a police chase ended in the Norman area on SH 9. A Norman police officer reportedly tossed stop sticks in front of the stolen vehicle Cardenas was driving, a tire blew out and officers made the apprehension.
Both men, reported to be from California, were arrested as the investigation continued into the crime spree that started in Seminole County.
It began in Konawa just after 9:30 a.m. when the two men walked past the Oklahoma Family Medical Center and carjacked a vehicle from Ruben Brewer, said Jessica Brown with the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation.
During the ordeal, Brewer fought back with the help of a good samaritan, identified as Jimmy Cunningham, who was shot and wounded in the incident, she said. He was taken by helicopter ambulance to OU Medical Center, while Brewer went by ambulance to Valley View Hospital in Ada with head injuries.
The suspects fled in Brewer’s truck and drove south of Maud, where they stopped an OG&E contractor and stole his vehicle, she said. From there, the pair allegedly drove into Maud and robbed the Quick Stop at 218 E. Wanda Jackson. While inside the store, the suspect demanded a customer hand over keys to her vehicle, but it was reportedly low on gasoline. They drove 1.5 miles to Trinity Baptist Church in Maud, where a group of three women, including Donna Morris and Sally Christopher, were standing in front of the church before a meeting.
Morris said a vehicle came speeding into the church parking lot. There were two men — one got into Christopher’s van, while the other came up to them.
“He pointed a gun and said ‘whose car is this,’ and said ‘give me the keys,’” she said.
Morris said she had her eye fixed on the gun. Christopher told the man it was her vehicle, but her keys were inside the church office. She said the armed suspect followed her inside at gunpoint to get the keys. Before he fled, he took her purse, along with Morris’ purse and her Bible that was tucked in a carry bag, she said.
The women remained relatively calm, all things considered.
Christopher said when it happened, “I sort of stood there — I could not believe it was real.”
Morris agreed. “I was thinking ‘is this real...you can’t really even process it,” she said.
“You never dream while standing outside a church that someone would come point a gun in your face,” Christopher said, adding she thinks of how things could have happened differently. “We’re just blessed.”
The suspects’ crime spree didn’t end there.
Pottawatomie County Sheriff Mike Booth said deputies headed to Maud after this incident and encountered the suspects driving the stolen van along SH 9A. The driver allegedly ran Capt. Travis Palmer off the road using the van to try and hit his patrol vehicle head-on, Booth reported. A deputy and an Absentee Shawnee officer reportedly fired shots into the van as the suspects fled.
The suspects then drove to Tecumseh, where they are accused in the armed robbery at Ralph’s Pharmacy. Tecumseh Police Chief Gary Crosby, who said there was an exchange of gunfire between the suspects and the pharmacist, said the suspect later identified as Masieo allegedly swallowed several Oxycontin pills while still inside the pharmacy.
After the pharmacy hold-up, the two suspects parted ways. Cardenas reportedly drove Christopher’s stolen van to Park Street, where he abandoned it and carjacked another vehicle from a father and son. A high-speed chase and pursuit of that stolen vehicle commenced west along SH 9, and eventually ended with Cardenas being taken into custody in the Norman area.
Since Masieo fled the pharmacy on foot, a barrage of law enforcement officers swarmed into Tecumseh as a manhunt pursued.
An abandoned car wash across the street from the pharmacy became a command post for numerous law enforcement agencies. Tecumseh and Shawnee police, Pottawatomie County sheriff’s deputies, area tribal police departments and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol’s tactical team with tracking dogs were among those at the scene.
As authorities set up a perimeter and began a search, they asked the public to check on their friends and neighbors in the Tecumseh area, especially the elderly who live alone, while schools and businesses were locked down. Officers were stationed at highway on-ramps and other intersections to search all vehicles leaving town.
The OHP tactical team began searching around the pharmacy, using a dog team. OHP Lt. George Brown said they used evidence from the robbery to give dogs a scent, and that dog team led authorities eastbound to a residential area about 1.5 blocks away.
The dogs, which are “extraordinarily good at tracking,” Brown said, led them straight to where the suspect was crouched down beside an outbuilding.
Brown said Masieo was not armed and was taken into custody without incident.
All law enforcement agencies participated in what was a collaborative effort, Brown said, and Booth said the area agencies work well together.
“The good guys won this time,” Booth said.
The investigation involved several different incidents in Seminole, Pottawatomie and Cleveland Counties, but the suspects were expected to be booked into the Seminole County jail since the crime spree originated in that county.
Watch for updates.

Now to input our own personal part of this day. We were catching updates on facebook thanks to others with scanners, the Tecumseh FD, and people who were sharing what they heard via others.

When my husband went to try to go to the other local pharmacy he found them to be on lockdown only allowing in and out people who they knew as regulars (thankfully we are regulars) We had to get my mom's pre-appointment prescription as tomorrow is her big day for having her scope done to find out what is wrong with her digestive tract. He also finds out that her insurance won't pay for what they wanted her to have and it was going to cost us nearly 60 bucks. So we had to let her know about that and she had to deal with her insurance company to straighten that mess out. Well then we start getting calls from the kids. One of them (my oldest) found someone with a cell and started calling. The school had been on lock down (in the end it totaled at around 5 hours and almost another half hour) THey were to stay in the classroom they were in when it started and were escorted to the bathroom and to lunch. My son said they only got one bathroom break during this whole time for his class which I thought sucked of them. I understand protecting the kids but geez the other classes found a safe way for them to go and by the time he came home he was in pain from it. Anyway my oldest started calling and she would call and hang up call right back over and over and over. I told her that if she called and I didn't answer to give me a few minutes at least to call her back and not do that. She of course did it again. The school didn't know when they were going to release the kids. Though they caught him about the same time school was letting out so they decided to let the buses run though they would be late. There was alot of confusion there. I later find out that the grocery store and everywhere else had been locked down. THe whole town. Alot of excitement for one day.

Today (my birthday) we are experiancing the effects of tropical storm Hermine. Tons of rain and a chance of storms later today. I actually like storms so this isn't such a bad thing.

Had to post this too.

2010-08-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Udumbara flowers
This came up in my search and I thought they were very interesting. Pretty little things if they are not photoshopped and I'd be likely to think they are a type of fungus though they don't appear to be catagorized as such. Very delicate tiny little flowers growing from a threadlike stem that seem to grow on anything and are talked about in Buddist prophecy. Something to read up more on I guess. I have seen something like this just really didn't think much of it though at the time.

Thought this was interesting too. Apparently today is an educational day for me LOL
http://www.falundafa.org/eng/intro.html

Lotus flowers

2010-08-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting dream last night. This is an accomplishment in itself because as of late Miss Abbigail has not been sleeping. I am in the process of trying to wean her and also get her to stay in her own bed at night which she thinks she needs to wake up and come to our bed to nurse. I hadn't had anything other than what feels like a cat nap in atleast a week though likely more. That wears on you after awhile. Very frustrating when you know they are asleep and you barely shift like you are going to stand up to go put them in their crib and they start crying.

Anyway this dream I was having. I can't remember the first half but I was standing in a Japanese style water garden. Behind me there were some trees and to the side was a building. I believe there were monks (apparently this dream was sort of a collage LOL) It was night time and there was a full moon and it was reflecting on the water in front of me and the water was filled with lotus flowers. One of the monks tells me something about a prophecy of 50 lotus flowers blooming (I am assuming at night because it was night in the dream) As he's speaking there are two small very fair haired children standing at the side and I'm not sure what happens but something happens to them and I am saddened. (Drowned???) Something and the monk tells me not to be sad for them but their passing heralds the beginning of a journey. Then I see this woman getting on a boat that looks like a banana boat or something. Going down the amazon. She looks somewhat sad but then she turns and gets on the boat and the dream ends. WTH???
So to sum it so far what I get from it are 50 lotus flowers, night time, 2 small blonde children that died???, and a journey
I start by looking up lotus flowers. I know nothing about then other than they show up in eastern cultures and are pretty and found in water. LOL I am actually suprised by what I found.
Lotus flower information
They actually do bloom at night. I did not know this. Apparently a symbol of enlightenment. Also used before meditation as an aid.Accordingly, the Lotus is the symbol of resurrection, purity, serenity and peace. The Lotus flower was part of the Ancient Egyptian creation story. Because the flower opens each day and closes each night, it is a symbol of rebirth and eternal life, the main theme of Egyptian religion. According to the creation story, Ra, the Sun God, created himself from amidst chaos and first emerged from the petals of the lotus flower. When Ra returned to the lotus flower each night, its petals enfolded him once again. The Lotus was the symbol of the Upper Kingdom of Egypt, seen as the tall white crown, symbolic of the Lotus bud.< Inserted from the page I found.
I was totally fascinated. Something that stood out for me is the lotus flower is also a major symbol for abuse survivors. Symbol for courage, purity, and awakening. This does mean something to me.

I couldn't find anything on the blonde children guessing that their symbolic meaning has yet to be figured out. I guess something that is to be left behind. Innocence? youth? WHo knows if I will ever figure that out.

The journey is most likely self explanitory though I'm sure there is more to it.

All in all I am still amazed I got some real sleep and was able to dream LOL That and the lotus flower has a bit more meaning to me now that I know more about it. I guess it will stick with me.

Unexpected turn in the road

2010-08-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life takes a turn that you could kind of see coming but yet at the same time didn't really expect to see it go that way. I haven't been on to blog lately because we had a family emergency and I would like to take this time to bring awareness to these types of illness.
My mom had to have spinal surgery awhile back. I know it was before the May 10 tornado because I do remember that. She got sick around June 11 with a lot of vomiting and not able to eat. We thought it was her diverticulitis and to be honest I wanted to call the ambulance that time. She said that no she would wait it out and so I listened instead of following my instinct. I should have followed my instinct. She assured me she would go in to the dr. after that and she did. The dr. gave her something for pain and all and that was that. She cut her finger badly on a metal fan blade sometime after that. It nearly cut it off and she had to go in for stitches and all and they didn't think she had broken it but later she went back in for them to remove the stitches and they said that yes they had in fact decided she had broken it. Fast forward to a couple of days or so ago when she started vomiting again severely. We had gone over to bring her dinner and she couldn't eat. We went over again to fix her up a new a/c to help cool her house some more because it is hot right now. Running in the 100's. Her face looked almost sort of grey but she didn't want to go in ....again I should have listened to my instinct lets just say lesson learned all to well now. I feel horrible. I told her to call us any time I don't care what time of night or whatever if she should change her mind or need anything. Well early the next morning (she of course waited til she knew we would be up with the kids) she calls and I ask if she wants hubby to take her in and she says no she can't sit up that long and she asked me to call an ambulance. Come to find out not only had she been vomiting severely she was bleeding and every time she stood (she kept trying to take care of her cats) She would gush blood. I was like holy crap mom why didn't you tell me this? (because she knew I would have hauled her butt in before that if I'd have known) So I called the ambulance and sat and waited with her til they got there and she was all ready to go. She looked somewhat relieved to go. She went in her nightgown and I put her purse and meds up on the gurney with her. She even left her flip flops. I didn't find out til later when I called the ER to check on her that I found out her white cell count was sky high and her blood pressure which has normally been too high was bottomed out so low that they couldn't give her any pain medicine or anything so she had to sit down in the ER for ever til that stabilized some and then admitted her and at this point she has been found to have a massive serious infection on one side of her abdomen we think it may be from as far back as her spinal surgery but we know it was as far back as June 11th. They were upset that the dr did not have her further checked out when she went in the first time. She at first thought she would be getting out in a short time period as soon as she could keep down liquids but at this point there is no clue as to when she will be out. She is on antibiotics to help try and fight the infection though they also said that the antibiotics she received for her injured finger may have helped slow the infection but at the same time this could make her more resistant to antibiotics. Mom has diverticulitis which means pockets in the intestines that can be aggrivated by certain foods, Colitis which means ulcers in the intestines, and lupus which is an autoimmune disorder as well as Sjogrens which is also an autoimmune disorder. This complicates things.
She was told when she can keep liquids down some, the tenderness is gone, and the antibiotics start to work some they can go in and do a colonoscopy to try and see more what they are dealing with. That in itself may be awhile. She is on an IV drip and some meds to help keep the nausea at bay when they give her the liquids which she says everything tastes wrong and the drs have told her not to push it in that area. Just take them as she can.
Then when she is well enough to go through the colonoscopy they may wind up removing a piece of bowel but that is too far down the road to even think about at this time. I am going to go see her tomorrow or tuesday (looks like tues may be better) and this is hard for me because of the agoraphobia which sucks but this is one of those situations where I feel I need to suck it up and go. I am having health issues of my own. I am off to eat dinner for now but I thought blogging about this might make me feel a bit better. I am really getting worried and trying to take things a day at a time with worrying about mom. I really don't know what is going to happen at this point in time. I don't know what to expect.

Time is fleeting

2010-08-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

Well time has been flying by for me lately. So much going on. School is starting in less than a week for the kids and so I am hoping that we can ease into our new schedual and figure out where everything fits. I have been trying to start selling a few things on ebay with only a little bit of luck. Still trying though. Maybe I will find my niche but when most of what you might make goes towards shipping it hardly counts as income but it is a good way to hopefully get these extra clothes and such out of here since we can't ever seem to get them to the thrift store who is usually so full up on donations they can't take them anyway and they go to good use I hope. I do buy on ebay though. I bought a pair of thinning shears since I do all our hair. I used to just use a pair of clippers on my son but since he has wanted a little more hair I use regular barber shears and needed something to thin it out some too. I do the girls hair and they are alot of times asking for a bit of styling too but it does save money and I've been doing it long enough that even mom asks me to do hers sometimes. I do my husband's and even do my own when I actually do it. (Getting it straight in the back is a task) Though I do keep my hair long so that doesn't happen often.
I also broke down and got one of those neckline slimmers. I am normally very leery of those as seen on tv ad type things and before I buy anything I research the heck out of it. I decided if I could find a fairly inexspensive one I'd try it. I am trying to get in better shape and that is one area of my body that is bugging me to death that I really don't know how else to fix it. I cannot afford a surgery there nor would I want one. I read up on the reviews and see that it has good reviews and so I found one fairly inexspensive. I got the actual as seen on tv neckline slimmer so I will try it and I will report how it works. Here later I will even take pics so I can see for myself as well as show if there are any changes. You are supposed to do it 3 sets of repetitions of 10 I am going to go for twice a day and I used it for the first time today. I can feel a bit of something but we will see. Desperation can make you do funny things and I feel I am far too young to have turkey neck LOL.
Another thing I am trying started out as passing conversation. This soon turned into one of my girls and I deciding to give it a shot and finding we love it. I am talking about belly dancing. When I was a teen I discovered dance and it was a free form of expression that I love as much as art. I have missed it in my life dearly and was in so much better shape when I did it. I am tired of staring wistfully at the tv screen saying I used to be able to do that and I was actually good at it. I had very few people see me because I have always been self conscious but I was told I was good. I still have a hard time believing it when people tell me that about something. I do know for me though that it was something I truly enjoyed and was almost spiritual for me as was my art. I was self taught with some classes thrown in too. I took tap, ballet, and Jazz. I quit dance when our teacher kept changing the routines frantically before we were to go to a performance and I couldn't keep up with the constant changes. I then did my own choreography at home. I lived out in the country and could nude sunbathe and all that if I wanted because there was no one to see me.
I could dance without worry of criticism or being self conscious. So I would. I danced to Madonna, Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul and I still favor that type of music when it comes to that. I watched them and picked up dance moves to try and would incorperate them into my own thing.
Now I look back thinking how silly it would be for me to try it. I am a middle aged< GASP!!!! OMG WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN??? woman with 4 kids (5 pregnancies) I have lupus, I have rheumatoid arthritis and I am now overweight. When I was a teen I was one of those super skinny people that people constantly shove food at because they think they don't eat. It wasn't me it was my metabolism. That doesn't last once you have kids. Anyways I feel like I'm still in here somewhere and parts of it shows sometimes. I am an abuse survivor who was constantly told how worthless I was and how much better everyone around me was. Both by my ex and my dad. (From the frying pan into the fire situation)
Anyways I am finally reaching that "don't care what anyone else thinks" stage. I love that stage of life. My bestie and I have been talking about that lately. Doing those things which truly make you happy and not caring really does improve your quality of life, they make you stronger inside, and they start to heal your hurts.
I have alot of easily reopened wounds I would like to heal.
Anyways so for me this is kind of a big deal. I want to get in shape, I want to feel better, and I want to find that part of me I've been missing. I find it with my art but for that I have to sort of go inside myself while I draw. Like I said it is a spiritual experiance at times and I come away from it feeling refreshed but to do it I have to be able to detach myself from my surroundings for a short while. Saturate myself in my music. Not be distracted by the kids running in and out asking questions or demanding that I look something up for them etc. Just to escape for a short time and I can't do that most of the time. On occasion I can but in the end it doesn't really leave me with that refreshed feeling for long because it seems like it takes so much out of everyone else for me to accomplish it.
This new hobby we first checked out you tube to see a few moves and video clips. Then we went and got a few dvds from the local library and I absolutely fell in love with the first video we got. It is Belly dance with Jillina entrance choreograpy. I later read that for most this is too fast paced because she doesn't break down moves. For me she works perfectly and I can go back and break the moves down when we practice. I tend to be a pretty good mimic at some things. I love detail. Part of my virgo-ness I think. It's almost anal at times LOL It is a fault in that I get so caught up in the details I drown in them and can't see the forest for the tree sort of thing.
Anyways (I also ramble alot LOL) It starts out with her doing a full dance to show you what you are supposed to be able to do in the end. I was fascinated because she does the entire first half of the dance while standing on a drum. The moves when you just look at it do not look like she is doing much but I can tell you after just two days that I have sore muscles screaming at me that yes you are doing something LOL. It is addicting though. I like the camel. Something that in the end looks like your belly is rolling up and down. There are two sections of it one where you work your lower belly and one where you work your upper and chest sort of. My husband tried it and says it feels funny and now he keeps doing it cause it is fun LOL. I have found that after only TWO days my stomach muscles are tightening and look different. I certainly did not expect that. I found I can do the shimmy. That one shocked me. My daughter keeps accusing me of showing off LOL. I was like I seriously did not think I could do any of this but wanted to give it a try and I am finding that I can in fact do it. I am thrilled. We are planning on doing this daily and I find myself practicing the moves off and on through the day. I am loving it. It is fun, I am getting in shape, and I look forward to it. We got some more discs to try and learn some more moves and put some variety in there. I think I found my missing part. My joints may pop some but I actually feel better. It is low impact and it fits me. Plus it isn't just exercise. It is something new to learn and I come away learning how to belly dance. Win win I think. So here is to trying new things and allowing yourself to get carried away for awhile and actually enjoy them. :)

Busy weekend

2010-07-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

I keep planning on blogging but things are staying busy for us right now. We finished up with the bank and are now awaiting our first payment that covers both houses which we will have to make next month. We are battling wasps who are trying to take over mom's house. Big red wasps. I keep reading how docile they are ...just don't mess with them...blah blah blah. YEAH RIGHT they are not docile. The are the only wasps I know that will not only go after you if they haven't been messed with but will track you down much later. One of them went after my mom's cat only to attack her later and sting her ear. She had to take a benedryl which she is somewhat allergic to being with (it makes her hyped up) but also is the only thing to counteract the wasp sting. My hubby sprayed over there and sealed up part of the porch roof so they can't get in. Hopefully that will help. We are still dealing with post tornado issues too. The tree of course is still there and my son had mold on his wall which the insurance nor Fema covered so we have to cut that out and replace it ourselves. Luckily when my husband went in and worked on it some today he found out it was not as bad under the wall as I had feared. I finally decided something HAD to be done at least the part we could do something about because I am deathly allergic to mold and was starting to have issues from that. Anyways so he got the moldy section of wall out and we are hoping to replace a beam, insulation, and wall next month. Then hopefully we can fix the front porch beam and maybe replace the boards on the porch. This old house needs so much work and it really stresses me out sometimes but I am grateful to have a place that is ours. Just gotta keep trying. Maybe can find some supplies on craigslist too. Things are getting done. Just takes time and energy. Last night I had to use a pumice stone to try and get the hard water stains out of the toilet bowl. Not a favorite job at all. Got that done though. I think if this keeps up I may get all OCD. LOL
On another note I am ready for fall. My two favorite seasons fall and spring. The only two we can really spend time outdoors enjoying nature. We got kind of screwed up this year because we had just started our gardening and such when the tornado hit so that kind of put a kink in it. We didn't have any of our usual barbeques that we have. Going to have to have some later on. We also I have to say are getting more done now that Tecumseh is having that once a month bulk trash pick up. Especially since now we have a shed with water damage to clean out. Even if you have insurance that and Fema really don't help I have to say. Insurance helped with getting our electric meter replaced and a new pole put in and it paid for sheet metal which my dad had allready given us from what came off the shed he had that was destroyed so we used that part to survive on post tornado and Fema paid for our van windows which we really needed but after things sat for so long the wet conditions and the flood that followed has caused so much more damage that isn't covered. We are going to have to take our van in and clean the carpets and such because the back of it molded also. Have I mentioned I hate mold. We had also had many many bags of clothes in it that we had planned on taking to salvation army that now have to be rewashed since we couldn't drive it and the bags were covered in glass and such. It will get done though. :) I like staying busy I just don't like that feeling of a list of things I have to do hovering over my head. That pressure feeling.

Today we picked up dinner from the school that they were selling with the proceeds going towards assisting kids with school supplies. We figured that since this is something we sometimes need assistance with that we should. It was really good. Even Abby loved it and she normally does not like spaghetti.

Today was a good day

2010-07-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

I figured I'd post my good day post seperately from the disgusting jumping worm post. I hate those things with a passion and will have the eebie jeebies forever from now ...but yet they were strangely fascinating.
We went and finished the papers on our houses today so that is a goal that we had set that is DONE. Finally DONE. I am so happy and relieved!!!! No more dealings with my Dad. That is one person no one should have to have dealings with because he will own you in some way shape or form. Doesn't matter if you are family or not he's done that to my cousin's too. Not good. Also our house payment with both houses combined will be much cheaper which is good. Just so much better all around!!!!! We also are going to be able to make some if not most of the repairs needed from the tornado. Starting with our son's room replacing the wall that was water damaged. Then we can concentrate on fixing the front porch with whatever is left from that. Then when my husband went to check the bank account we found out that Fema had given us the money to have our van windows replaced. They were knocked out in the tornado (the back one entirely and the front was cracked) Soooooo we get to get our own van back which is going to feel wierd. We've had to borrow his parent's van for a long time it seems.
On the way back from the bank we stopped by a thrift store and found a whole stack of wood puzzles in new condition for Abby which is something I wanted to get her for christmas so we bought those and put them aside for later. We also found a tickle me Elmo but she doesn't know quite what to make of him and a purse for me which I rarely change out purses and am not a purse/shoe kind of girl. Unless the purse has lots of pockets but I really liked this one. White soft leather type feel (I'm sure it is not leather) and just looks NICE. So I may be switching out purses very soon. It caught my eye right away. Found some baby clothes too and a utility knife to use when we cut the sheet rock away in my son's room.
We came home and after dinner we moved some of the cotton wood logs which need some work (see previous post) and are using them to line our pathway sort of to our house. We got our yard signs from Bill Roberson who is running for DA. and I mowed around the ditch. Trying to make our yard a little nicer for when school starts (we live near one) Tomorrow is going to be phone call day for me. Making phone calls most of the day and all. Then the next day comes dental appointments for all the kids. Then we get a break til enrollment/voting day. Yay us! :D

we are going to stand up the one at the end because it has a y on it and the bigger ones I will most likely cut the bark off and clear coat them.

My kids all like to draw. Even the youngest. This one my son did not by tracing but by looking at the picture and then drawing it himself. He is 11.

He added color and another bird.

He did this one on his own. I was impressed. :D

jumping worms

2010-07-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

I hate worms any type of maggot especially .... but I had to record this. We have those old cotton wood trees that the tree people hadn't finished hauling off yet and we decided to pull some of the cut logs over to set as a frame for our pathway to our house. In the process we began to notice these little worms coming out from the bark and they would spring off the tree like popcorn. They just looked so freaky. I'm so going to have nightmares tonight now.

Longest weekend ever

2010-07-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

Atleast it felt like it to me. I normally am all for weekends but this one went on forever. Abby had done really gone health wise up until last night when she started running a fever again and it hit 102.8. I was all in a panic because the highest hers has ever been is 100.4. The thermometer just kept climbing. There was also the fact that the swelling from the ginormous lymph node had just gone down finally and the fever from that had managed to stay gone for 2-3 days. We had thought she was better. She had also finished off a round of antibiotics. I called urgent care and they said she should be okay til morning just keep alternating the tylenol and motrin when her fever gets up over 101 or so so that is what I did. I didn't sleep much for checking on her and trying to keep her cooled off and checking her temp....by 7:30 am it was 101.8 so that was good compared to the 102.8 I called the dr. and they told me to bring her in at 3:15 so we got her ready and her temp unfortunately by 2:30 was back up to 102.8 again. My son now had a rash on his chest and back and I was wanting to be on the safe side so I mentioned it and they said to bring him along too. (His turned out to be heat rash thankfully) They have now decided that Abby has a virus and is teething on top of that. I just want her to get better. I hate the constant worry.
On another note I finally wrote an email to our local DA who is up for re election as to why I cannot vote for him. Hopefully if nothing else maybe he will read it. Long story which I may share later on. In short though it is total disappointment over the way they handled a case. Total failure on their part as I called for 2 -3 months in advance numerous times to make sure that they had all my correct information and any additional information on the case and then they claimed they served me they just did so at the wrong address....even though I spent all that time trying to make sure they had the correct information. To this day I have never been able to get anyone to call me back. The secretary tried constantly but couldn't get the attorney to call back or do what they were supposed to. She took so many messages that I swear the poor woman recognized me by voice when I would call. In the end they just flat out failed to do their job.
Tomorrow is a big day for us. My dad is going in to sign quit claim deeds on our houses. We have two side by side on lots whose property lines touch. So it is like owning half a city block almost. Or well half a city block in one direction and maybe a 1/3rd or 1/4th in the other. In any case we are going in to sign the papers refinancing on this house so that the loan is in our name and the payments combined. This will help out immensely. Hopefully nothing comes up between now and the time we are supposed to go in tomorrow. If so I may have to reschedule and I really don't want to do that. I want to get this over with. Have you ever typed out or written a word and for some reason that word looked totally foreign? I did that with reschedule. It just does not look right to me. LOL :)
Last night we (meaning mostly my hubby since he actually knew what he was doing) burned all our pictures to disk so that we could clean up our disk drive for space. Who knew pictures alone could take up about 9gigs I think he said of space. Wow. Well since my house is noisy tonight (more so than usual) I am going to finish up for now.

Abby ....girl knows how to strike a pose LOL :) <3

Abbigail dancing

2010-07-17T18:14:00.000-07:00

Eventful evening

2010-07-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today was just hot. 114 heat index earlier and 104 during the evening. Actual temp no longer matters to me when it is that hot. We had to go out in it today to stop by the bank and sign some papers. I have to go back Tuesday some time to sign more papers but that will hopefully be the last of them. It is one of those goals you look forward to being DONE with. We stopped by the dollar store on the way back and picked up some ice cream. Klondike bars and snickers ice cream bars. :P Just something cold. Right now I would just love a big glass of something ice filled...and it is midnight. We decided around 7:30 to almost 8pm to go ahead and attempt to mow our jungle of a yard. My hubby gets out the mower and gets started and while I'm detangling the cord to the weed eater I hear shouting so I go around the house where my oldest is watching Doodlebug for me. She is holding a young fledgeling Jay.

It appears to have wing damage as if something bit him. We may try to take the young bird to the Norman Little River zoo if it is still around when hubby goes down by there. The parents are still feeding it and guarding it but it is injured and our local animal welfare does not assist with things like that. Normally I would try to assist it myself but with the type of injury I don't think I could. I have rehabbed animals in the past including a blue jay with a less severe injury which stayed in the trees around my house til well enough to move on and I provided water and food for that bird. I really enjoy doing that and would like to have to gone to work as professional doing wildlife rehab but didn't get to so I just do it as the opportunity arises. I was a little nonthrilled that she had allready handled it and handed it to me but it seemed as though it was still okay where it was and the parents were still there going nuts and trying to chase off us intruders so I think it will be okay for the time being.

digital drawing I did of a red wasp

While we were standing on my mom's porch next door waiting on her to come outside a red wasp flew down and got tangled in my other daughters hair and stung her. Red wasps give a very nasty sting to begin with. I know the kids have fairly strong reactions to bee stings so I've gotten to where with any sting like that I give them a benedryl.

She had a pretty nasty looking site on her back where it got her and was in alot of pain.

The wasp sting on my daughter

There is a swarm of them living on the corner of mom's house and we have tried wasp traps and sprays to no real avail. It kills them but there are just too many. We will not give up though. We plan on hitting them when the weather finally cools and also plan on foaming up the eave of the house so that they can't go in and nest. I am almost convinced my dad attracts wasps. He used to tease the kids "Don't kill my pet" Wierdo. We used to see them over here when he lived in the house I am in now and did not see them over at my mom's house until he lived there. Strange. I just don't like them. Of all the wasp families Red wasps will just attack you. They don't really need any provocation. I've never really seen that with others.

By the time we were done mowing a small patch of yard and I used the weed eater a tiny bit we were totally drenched. We plan on tackling more tomorrow.

2010-07-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

This is my latest digital art. I draw on 2draw.net alot and have a gallery there. This one I probobly could have cleaned it up some but to be honest I'd been working on it for awhile and wanted to move on to something else. I do alot of fantasy and nature art.

May 10 2010 we were in the tornado that hit Tecumseh Oklahoma. I may do a belated photo blog on this but we were in the countywide and sun. I can't find the link at the moment. We had two 50 foot tall cotton wood trees that were in danger of falling on our house and van windows that were damaged. One cracked and one busted out completely. We are still waiting on Fema to help with out van but they helped with nothing else. We had someone... Payless tree service... (I believe the city is supposed to reimburse them if I understood right) volunteer to do the cotton wood tree that was leaning the most. I actually hope they will eventually do the other tree because it is leaning too now. It was the only thing holding the other tree up and still is...They took the branches and one of the large sections up top of it but the trunk and other half is still leaning.

Here you can see what I mean. This was post tornado. Since then just the half of the one on the right is still standing.

After they trimmed it up it is still there though along with all the logs they cut from it so we can't mow that part of the yard. Plus we got to witness a phenomena that my son told us about. That when a tree is stressed or in danger of dying it will drop seedlings. I.E. seedlings will sprout up around it and boy did they. They grew quite tall for the short period of time that they had. I also was told that cotton woods are illegal to plant in Oklahoma due to being a dangerous tree and are called widow makers. I have yet to have double checked these factoids so this is just hearsay for now.

baby cottonwood trees that we will have to cut down. You can see we need to mow too.

This is the base of the leaning tree.

Other plants have taken advantage of all the rain also.

This is a pumpkin plant that grew out of a halloween pumpkin seed. It has since grown alot more.

since this photo it has grown up and partially over the chair (don't ask) and I had also weed ate? The grass around there. LOL :)

So far today Doodlebug is feeling a bit better. Swelling is going down and no notable fever I hope she only continues to get better. One of my girls has decided to start planning for college and life post highschool in general... only seems to think the planning is quite an urgent matter LOL :) :D She is having fun with it and I have to admit at that age it was fun for me too. Making lists and what not ...wish I'd have stuck with some of the things on my lists LOL

It's hot in Topeeeeeeeeeeeeeka

2010-07-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_IlsPypwZs < Hot in Topeka from Fosters where the title of this blog came from. My favorite fosters episode.

Yes it is hot again. The temperature right now is 94 degrees.... the heat index is 109. It is supposed to be like this all week. Nothing new for Oklahoma but still with the humidity it isn't the most pleasant of weather. Hot with a strong chance of mosquitoes. I don't do heat. I always thought Germany had good weather. I lived there for a couple of years and loved it. Usually seemed to run between 70-80 degrees. Not too hot not too cold. I recently talked to my friend from there and she said it was what would translate to 100 here. They are not happy and I can't blame them.
My baby girl ran a fever all night last night. I am sure I was irritating her because I had stuck her in bed with us again and kept shifting her around so she wasn't covered up too much and checking on her. Today her fever broke and she seems to be feeling okay though I feel like crud. I called her doctor because I've been told this looks like the mumps and I have to agree. It does. They are going by what the urgent care said even though no tests were done and urgent care really didn't have an answer. They just gave me the closest they could find. So I've been told now to continue with the antibiotics which lasts until tomorrow and then by Friday morning if she still runs fever any to call them back and they will start a new type of antibiotics. Baby girl has got to get better. Mommy and Daddy are going nuts with worry.
On another note we had crab last night for dinner and steak. Hubby had found a box of snow crab at the store and thought we'd try something new. We got the crab out of the box to prepare to steam it and one of the legs had some eggs on it. One of my girls Jessie was standing there watching while holding Abby. We love to pick on Jessie ...endlessly...she makes it so easy for us to do this LOL She is quick witted and easily embarrassed.

She asked what the eggs were. I told her crab eggs most likely but I wasn't sure. Then she was like Ooooh I am so not touching that leg. We then informed her this was now her crab leg. "EEEEEWWWWWWW Mom! Wait..... What if they hatch....oh wait can we keep them if they hatch?"

" Yes they would be miracle crabs if they hatch in a pot of boiling water. "

"Are you sure it is crab eggs?"

"Who know's? Maybe it is octopus eggs? Have you heard the story about that? " LOL Dinner itself was awesome though. Crab, steak, and broccoli with cheese. I sliced up some grapes for baby girl who has decided that the stuff on her high chair tray is ammunition not food. She will pick up a piece and examine it carefully. If it does not meet her criteria which I wish I knew what that criteria was...she drops it carefully over the side of the high chair tray only to pick up the next piece to examine. Paper, pieces of tissue, most generally anything that is not supposed to go in the mouth meets her criteria though. I have been convinced this child has super vision because she can spot a microscopic piece of whatever after the floor has been vacuumed. Baby girl has decided it is nap time so off I go for now.

Trip to Urgent care

2010-07-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

I had planned on blogging daily if I could and yesterday it just didn't turn out like that. Yesterday we were sitting in the living room when one of my girls noticed some swelling on Abby's face. I felt of it and found a hard lump and we decided to take her in to the ER. For me unexpected trips like this are difficult as I suffer from agoraphobia due to past traumatic experiences. Panic attacks etc. Anyway we went in and had Abby checked out about 3pm and they decided it was her lymph node which I was wondering. I had also thought maybe the possibility of a molar coming in but that was before the swelling increased and it wasn't as bad. They prescribed her some antibiotics and sent us on our way. While we were there I took note of a poster of the wall stating that curtains were kept closed for your privacy and for the privacy of other patients ...with a photo of a man holding a glass up to a door trying to listen to it. I thought it belonged on fail blog. Did not have my camera though. We came home and had thought we would wait til in the morning for her antibiotics they had said this would be okay but by 7pm the swelling had increased a lot and she was starting to run a bit of a fever. Hubby went ahead and left to go to walgreens and picked up her medicine and dinner and when he came back she got her first dose of antibiotics and some tylenol. I called the ER when it appeared that the swelling had doubled in size and they said if she began to run 100 temp. to bring her in but it stayed low enough. It was a rather sleepless night. I put her in bed with us. She usually sleeps part of the night with us because she has done nothing but teethe since 3 1/2 months and she gets restless and won't sleep about halfway through. I kept waking to check her for fever and swelling and then would fall back asleep only to wake again a short while later. Today the swelling doesn't seem to have increased though the size is still startling to me. I called the drs office when I checked her temp this morning and it was 100.4 I was unsure if it was because she'd been under blankets though she'd been out of them for a period of time before I took her temp. Long enough I thought for her to have cooled some. They said that with a lymph node like that it could take up to two weeks for it to go down. They said any temp above 100.4 to bring her in or any new symptoms like rash, etc. they also said that if she isn't showing any signs of improvement when she runs out of her antibiotics that they will have to give her another course of them. I think right now it is bothering the rest of us more than it is her. It just looks very uncomfortable and is scary to see. So far the rest of us aren't feeling all that great either. I don't know if something may be going around and her lymph nodes are having to work harder to fight it off or what. (It is just the right one) Hopefully she will feel better and we can relax when the swelling starts to go down.

Some thoughts for today

2010-07-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

While I am typing this I am glancing over to see my 1 year old jamming out to the song at the beginning of Psych. she had her head bobbing and was twisting and and one point was holding one arm up and bouncing. She really enjoys that song. I have to admit it is a really good show. The new season is coming on and I am excited about it. I love Destination Truth too mainly for the humor in the show and Josh Gates just rocks. Halarious. I guess for regular shows I need a dose of humor. Movies I prefer thriller, horror, and suspense.
Today we finally got to go for a decent length of a walk again. Something that lasted more than a total of 5 minutes. Which was good. I need to be out walking and not fending off mosquito hoards. We had used some of that Avon stuff and it didn't work. Either it was just past it's "freshness" date (though I doubt it) or they just were very attracted to it. Abby had big bites on her from when we'd gone out a day before to take pictures of my rose. I was covered swatting myself like a scene out of the African scene. The part where this cloud of biting bugs descends on them. Another scene I had in my head was the Mist when a fog rolled in on top of it all. We've gotten tons of rain lately which the bugs absolutely LOVE. I enjoy the cooler weather though I don't enjoy the bugs so much. We finally got some Cutter spray which worked great and we made it through the walk bite free.
Some thoughts that came to me (I can be pretty random at times) was about food and the economy or more specifically ways to save money on said food. Our household consists of me, my husband, our one year old, and 3 teenagers. Anything to save money or be more economical and hey if we can fit "green" in there too what would it hurt? I had seen an article awhile back about growing veggies from seeds you get from produce you buy at the store. Buy a tomato for dinner, save the seeds, and voila! You have yourself some tomato plants for later. I have experimented with this though I am lacking in the green thumb department. With the weather issues we suffer especially here lately this becomes a more difficult task. I opted for bell pepper seeds. These are numerous and seemed like an easy option. It worked. I just put them in an old flower pot we had with some potting soil I think my husband put some miracle grow in there. Probobly knew that the poor plants needed a miracle if I had anything to do with them. They grew wonderfully. I didn't get the chance to see them put on actual peppers though because sometime after that several things happened. One a large and very fat (after eating some of the plants) caterpillar made a home in the pot. I moved him out and continued to try. Then we had a flood which I didn't move the pot in in time and it drowned some of the plants. Poor things didn't really stand a chance. I find if I plant it out in the yard and don't touch it it tends to grow beautifully. If I touch it it isn't so lucky. We at this time have several pumpkin plants growing from discarded pumpkins from last halloween. I guess it took awhile for them to take root but one is getting really enormous. It has some fruit in the beginning stages where you can tell it is "something". I think someone with a bit more gardening know how may be able to really do well with a few veggies from the store. Some you can't do that with. Lettuce comes to mind but the article I read even included potatoes which my dad had long told me would not grow if you used the eyes from store bought ones. Guess he was wrong. You may see a future project on here. I may try to grow different plants and see how they do. I would love to grow edamames. I am hooked on them.
Anyway now baby girl is wanting some attention. She is trying to move things over to climb up on and make it over the baby gate and then getting mad when it doesn't work. I think someone is tired and very cranky.

Where to start?

2010-07-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished playing with the design of my blog. I hadn't paid much attention to it since I first signed up but I have been really wanting to start blogging again and I like the set up. I recently started using google chrome and am finding so far I like all things google. :) The only problem I had was trying to use the deviantart gadget which does not want to cooperate. Thought it might be cool to put some of my art up here. I don't want to get into anything too deep just yet but will soon enough. Today is a laid back day. It has been raining and overcast which I normally love but with too much of that going on the mosquitos are out in full force. They love me. I can't say I return the feelings.
Here is some of my long lost poetry from allpoetry.com

Bound

dark tendrils of pain envelope my soul
wrapping themselves tightly they constrict my being
in my heart is a gaping hole
which noone else is seeing
I walk on shards of glass glittering in the sun
I run through nightmares in the dark
The tears fall the blood may run
looking for a moment in my life to spark
the desire to go on
to pull the curtains on my past
I don't want to be anyones pawn
I want to see happiness and comfort at last
but each soft stroke ends only with a slash
another tendril wraps tightly around my heart
a whispered word of hope only becomes a tongue lash
that tears me apart
I shiver in the cold and wish for a warm touch
that never comes. Hopes always shatter
there is no sense of security or anything of such
I try to pretend it doesn't matter
after a little while I encompass the pain
it is all I will ever know
It will never wane or be the same
it dims that inner glow
I know now that I am bound
chains of the past that haunt me inside
chains of the emotions that I drown
chains of pain hold me down.

Thinking Back

raindrops softly tap
against the glass
blanket on my lap
hoping this blue mood will pass
thoughts of softer moments
inviting themselves in
daydreams of sentiment
trying to think back to a time when
true happiness did abound
yet within my own depths I search
and little is to be found
running fingertips along the smooth white birch
wading through a sea of wheat
exploring the canyon and the wood
in the summers heat
I go back there if I could
running through the shade
crunching last years leaves
resting in a glade
playing make believe
life now is all to real
and it seems so often
that pain is all I feel.
and so for now I will remember when
things were simpler and things small
caught my eye and beauty abounded
I saw mystery in all
and was always astounded.

nighttime at a lake

satin sheets of midnight blue
settle across the sky in darkened hue
in the fading horizon
the fire kisses its reflection
blazing ripples race
across the waters face
enshrouded by scented pines
crickets chirping sound divine
glittering confetti tossed into the air
face of a godess with skin so fair
looking down apon the great expanse
with a loving glance

....(don't know what to call it)

velvet rose petals crushed together
absent of thorns
kiss of honeysuckle nectar
silken caress
heat of the shining sun
and cool of the harvest moon entwined
soft breath that of promises
sweet and warm
teasing as of a summer breeze
electricity of a coming storm
seduction of a soul
beauty uncomprehending
threatening to devour whole
enveloped in timelessness
trembling throughout
absence of fear
and of doubt
intensity blazing
comprehension fades
serenity amazing

Trying this out....

2010-06-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

I have been a myspace blogger for the longest. I joined Facebook last year and while I still use my myspace I have found that no one really logs on there much anymore. I liked the format there though and I think here I am finding a happy medium that I can use for both. I feel like I have a story to tell and if someone wants to read it then all the better. LOL I am also an artist and sometimes may post my artwork here when I actually get time to work on it. In the meantime as I set up this blog (Not done with that part yet) I will work on getting my links up and such. :) Hope you enjoy the read. :D Feel free to leave me comments and say Hi :)