Trying to see the light

Well yesterday was a rough day. Had to go find something for my MIL so went driving around (didn't find it) and decided to stop by the local lake before going home as we'd promised Abby that we'd take her. My son wasn't with us because he was behind in school work and trying to get caught up before term end. (otherwise normally he would have been) and while we were there it was fairly nice. Good day at that point and we knew the weather would be getting bad the next day. Went and took a few pics of the water which is up (a good thing since in years past has been kinda low) checked out some of the work they'd done recently. Putting slabs of cement out by the grills and they had finished the playground area. My husband took my youngest over there to check it out and she got to pet a mule that came up to the fence. She decided it was a camel and kept telling me about petting a camel. :) Could not convince her otherwise. Finally it was getting about time to get home and take my mom's meds to her so went to head home and as we did there at the stop sign looked both ways nothing so hubby went to go foreward....then there was a blazer came out of nowhere flying down the hill and I kinda went oh crap we aren't going to make it and my husband looked up and saw them and hesitated for half a second and went to go on (like it was all in slow motion) and I watch it almost reliving the wreck I went through in my Skylark...again it is like watching something in slow motion and I felt myself brace for impact and then SLAM. They had not slowed at all and there was no way for them to stop. There are no words to describe how that much impact feels. We sat there for a second totally in shock. My youngest starts screaming in a panick so hubby checked on her and she was fine just scared. There was apparently another car that had just gotten within sight and they got out and started making sure everyone was okay. Turned out the other person was someone I knew. Thankfully everyone was okay. Their vehicle seemed to just have a cracked fender but that is just visual I can't say for myself what other damage it actually had. We were facing down another direction from where we had been going. The seatbelt had caught my neck and later my leg had a swollen knot on it but not sure from what and our van has a broken axle behind the tire and damage underneath and the sliding passenger door is dented in as well ( no opening that door ever again) as the wheel itself appears dented. All in all it is totaled due to axle damage and body damage (and whatever under neath that is not accounted for) having a friend maybe look at it anyway just to double check. We wound up stranded for a short few til someone else (yet someone else I know that lived nearby) was nice enough to stop and call a wrecker for us and that got us and the van home. Going to be adding a road side assistance thing on my phone bill after this. I think it would be worth it. It appears it is going to have to be scrapped and the tow service said they buy them so maybe will just sell it to them after we clean it out. Will not get enough for another vehicle though. Will be having to figure that out. Also living where we do utility bills are high. Almost 400$ this time around. Really hope to move in a year or two at most. We'll see if that happens the way we are hoping. Anyway sore today and unhappy about no van but otherwise grateful that people were not as injured as they possibly could have been and that there were several people stopped to check instead of driving on through and for the person that called the tow service so that we were not stranded. Grateful for all the nice people who we've been around and come in contact with lately. It revives my faith in people some.  Keeping with my calorie counting and all despite the stress. On another note I got a throwing knife set for Christmas and my husband got a matching one. Going to have to set up a target. Surely that counts as exercise even if just for the arms. I tried to learn knife throwing when I was a teen.  I'd like to get a hold of a basketball goal and play that as well. Not going to happen soon though. Can't wait til warmer weather to start going on walks again. Wish we had a YMCA or something closer. I'd go. We have a little gym but I miss being near one that has a little bit of everything. Plus they have a lot of kids programs that I always thought would be great to put the kids in but driving over to the next town just wasn't a possibility as often as we'd need to do so. In any case as always lots of ideas, thoughts, and plans just hoping to even get a few of them done :) 

Back in the Saddle

 Ice storm December 2013

Wow how long has it been since I blogged? Quite awhile. Fair warning as this will probably seem kind of roving and random but I have a lot of thoughts to spill. I had to take hiatus because honestly the last couple of years  or so were unbelievably overwhelming. I have been in sort of a personal learning curve/ soul search. I felt like my goals may never be achieved but now it seems like it just wasn't the right time for them yet and fingers crossed, knock on wood, and all that but it looks like this year has so much more potential and looks very promising. So far things have all ready started to turn around for us in a good way. As for myself I had lost track of a lot of things I was working towards. My health: I wanted to lose weight and get in better shape as w/ my lupus I will always have issues with getting sick and up til now I've let that stop me for periods of time from my goals as I stop when I get sick. I decided to go w/ Sparkpeople rather than myfitnesspal to keep track of my calorie counts/ exercise as it has small goals to hit every day and I think I can keep up with those better. I've done well in the past with all this but besides the health issues just all the stress going on in my life in general did not help. I am a little concerned this year as the severe reaction I had to cedar pollen last year nearly did me in and that time is coming up soon (end of Jan-Start of March) but as with most things like that I'd rather take preventative measures ahead of time to try and curb the problem or head it off at the start. I had been given the option of shots but wasn't able to do it. (have to go in every week and had transportation problems and couldn't) I've found there is something I can use though to keep from breathing it in and while I am nervous I am hoping it will help. On another note to curb the problem I had last year with having a very dangerous D3 deficiency (didn't know I had anything of the sort and the allergist caught it and sent me for testing and it was actually at a very dangerously low level) I've been taking that off and on during the winter to help. Anyway back to the health thing. One of the small goals is to do 10 min of exercise a day. I do about 3x that when I dance but I figure surely I can do at least 10 min on my bad days and keep up with that. I managed to get my BP down and it seems to be staying that way.  I figure when I get overwhelmed with the laundry or something (only female here other than my 4 yr old and my son thinks I have super vision when it comes to messes cause he thinks I'm the only one that sees it LOL) anyway I can do at least 10 min. of that a day. I am the type of person I have to accomplish SOMETHING during the day or I don't feel right. I feel of less worth and that isn't due to anyone else but just my own personal feelings. I have come to find I am much more of a goal oriented person than I ever realized. I like to set goals but I also become upset and depressed when I can't accomplish them. I find that setting smaller ones along side the big ones at least helps full fill that sense of accomplishment. One of my goals I set for this last year I feel I made headway in. To start going places w/my art. I got a painting done and while I had hoped to do so much more I have been working on that and getting sketches done as well. To me that is something. Another goal I had lost touch with and given up for a lost cause seems to be coming to light again as a very real possibility. I am not setting it in stone as I don't want to have my hopes dashed but I will soon find out if it is to come to fruitation or not as I am hoping. If so should start seeing that come to light this spring (as the weather warms up) I am happiest when I am getting things done. This particular one will make me super happy. I have felt stuck in a rut. Like I was happy before and everything came crashing down and with it everything I thought I knew and all the people I thought I knew so well or that I thought were there for me was not and were not. I will say I see everything as a lesson though and for me this was a lesson in finding myself in learning that I could stand on my own if need be. Actually more like a reminder as I've done so before. No matter how bad things get it is possible to make it through them. That I need to stop doubting myself and it helped me re-find my strength. Sometimes life finds funny ways of throwing lessons at you and they may be tough ones but they are done in such a fashion as you will undoubtedly learn from them. It may takes things from you so that you may further appreciate having them later or so that you can make room in your life for other things. Sometimes it is a temporary separation of paths that is needed as to allow room for growth.Also depend on no one but yourself. Trust no one fully but yourself.  You can never tell what it holds just have to hold on for the journey as life is a learning experience. I am learning that while I can't always help others as much as I want to I have to take care of myself as well. Something I was neglecting.  If I am not in a position to do something maybe I will be later on down the road. I have learned that I have my strengths as well as my weaknesses and I don't always recognize those strengths. However I also know I need a break from it all every now and then to recharge and I've been guilty of not allowing myself that. 

In this last year I've been spending what time that I can with my mom and sad that with my life being as crazy hectic as it is I don't have as much time to offer her (or anyone else really) that I'd like to. My mom found out that she has Parkinson's though we are in hopes that it is possibly due to a medication she was on instead. She was taken off that to see. She also is going through renal failure. One of those things where the dr is keeping tabs on it but no clue from one day to the next otherwise. I do what I can when I can but have had to learn to forgive myself that I cannot do more. I was letting it cut me to pieces before and that was no good for anyone. I felt like I was being pulled in 50 different directions at once all the time. I had to take time to separate myself from it all. Also I find it surprising the things people will believe about you from others despite what they may know themselves. It made me re-look at that myself as well. That I should never judge anyone on anything unless I know it for myself. Something that should be common sense anyway but I think everyone is guilt of at some point. 

Some things I see for this next year: One to continue working on my health and to try for at least 10 min. of exercise a day. 

Two: continue working on my art at least some each week if not daily. I have plans to at least try and enter something at the Pott. County fair this year and to try and get some things done to sell. I want to check out the First Friday thing in Shawnee sometime. My son also has plans to enter something in the county fair. He was looking this last year and realized his lego crafts are actually really good (something we've been telling him but as always some people don't take it from you LOL) I may start a gallery online to sell and I have promised someone a flash drive w/ some art and unfortunately have been unable to make it by to get it to them just yet. Will see if they still want it though hopefully soon. 

Three living arrangements: to get things more organized around my house. I've been working on this anyway though with my two oldest girls moving out we've been in constant rearrange mode. I am getting rid of a lot of stuff and we may not be in this house for another year or two so .....anyway. Not set in stone though. This particular house will be paid off in 2015 in about Feb or March... so in either case I don't have any plans to stick around this town really but I'd like to be close enough to still be around family. We had been so up in the air for the last couple of years what we were going to do house wise. Try to fix this one up which was going to cost a lot of money we don't have to basically rebuild the house in a way slowly draining us while we were unhappy living here in town to begin with. (outskirts would be fine even) OR trying to move which we thought one of those options wasn't going to happen and it still may...anyway we'll see. I think things will come into light more clearly this coming year. I guess going through my shed should be tacked on to this part. I have a lot of things in there to go through as well. 

Four continue learning and finding ways to improve my life

Five: I will becoming a grandma later in the year and my oldest is working hard on trying to get her life in order and I'd like to do as much as I can to help her out as I can. There are some things I just can not do but for those things I can I want to do what I can. We've had some pretty strong differences in the last couple of years and are working on our relationship. 

Waiting to see what my 2nd oldest does w/ hers and hoping she make the right choices. 

Basically in the last two years my entire life was dismantled and shattered almost completely but in a way that makes it easier to rebuild a new one. 

*now that I've been working on this blog for the past few hours with the phone ringing off the hook (not a bad thing was actually good things) and with doing stuff w/ my youngest.... I think that sums it up LOL :) I may write a much shorter blog here in a few. I will be trying to write more. I think it did me good to keep up with my blogs to get thoughts out when I couldn't otherwise. 

How long has it been?

Since I blogged? I don't think I have many moments where things aren't hectic or just busy. I really don't. I keep waiting on things to slow down but it never happens. Still doing my GF thing and down a couple of lbs so long as I can keep that off and keep going down. Not the reason I am on it but hey I'll take it! Anyway right now planning out some projects. Some sewing, some art, etc. For a sewing project (guys you may wanna skip this part more of a girl thing)  I kinda went with my own pattern to play around and see what works best but for most this is one of those girly topics but making your own washable feminine hygiene pads. Don't ask what made me think of this but after living in a house full of girls those can be costly and for me this is just a test type thing. See how it goes. I am using a different pattern but if you are interested here is where I read up how to do it. make your own pads They are commonly used where things are not so disposable all the time. I figure hey we have disposable diapers for babies so why not? Also they cost a ton to buy the washables on amazon etc. anyway.... off that topic. 
(okay guys if you skipped that part you can pick up here LOL) I would like to start sewing other things as well. I hand sew as I am not really knowledgeable with a sewing machine. I have tried but we had a full class in home ec and my teacher didn't have the time for every student or any of us really so I didn't get to even do my project back then. Something I'd like to learn anyhow. Might get some patterns for my fave. style of clothes and such if it would save money as well as I could actually wear things that were more my taste. (plus can get into selling them) Would love to make jewelry more but need a space to safely work with seed beads that I won't be all losing them or fighting with the lil one with that. (Hubby has same need there) Would like to work some with chain mail-esque things which actually seems to be becoming more popular right now. Also plan on actually doing more with my art. (this is an on going thing) I bought some stuff to try out some non-digital stuff and would like to get some water color block pads and do some mixed media which seems to what I do best with though I have worked in several mediums individually. Acrylic being a fave, ink, pencil........you get the idea. I like doing larger scale works and would LOVE to do some furniture refurbishing. Taking found tables and repainting them with my artwork to sell. The only thing is where we live they have a fit if you keep anything like that around even if you are working on it. I would like to have a work space for that. I've also seen pianos (some working) on craigslist that would be a BLAST to do! I am working more on my practicing with my digital art 

 my latest done on 2draw.net using the lascaux program. For some reason I am one of a lesser number of artists that prefers to use Lascaux. I feel more comfortable with that program. I feel it is also time for me to do more non digital work though. 

My youngest is starting school this year so at least for part of the day we will actually have some time to get some stuff done with out little hands to worry about :) I have another one leaving home this year too so will only have two kids still living at home. We are hoping other plans we've had that have sat on hold for like 2 years now may move forward or maybe some other future path will open up for us. It has been a rough couple of years though. I have been feeling more creative as of late though. I will blog more soon...I hope

Haven't had much time to blog

I keep hoping that life will slow down but instead it seems to just speed up. In any case we've been dealing with a sick lil girl as of late who had a really bad ear infection and wound up having her eardrum burst on one side and on the other the actual ear canal swelled up so much it was almost sticking out. Scary as hell for us. This happened really pretty rapidly it seemed and was despite her being on antibiotics. Thankfully the swelling went down and the ear drum healed quickly (they say it was a small perforation) We were told from here on out that she will most likely need earplugs in the bath and for swimming to prevent further infections. Something we are more than willing to do! This also put her behind a wee bit on shots which she needs as she is starting school this year. Barely get to get them in time. She even lost two teeth during this incident and has one of those two all ready partially coming in. Trying to decide if we are sending our other two to school or continuing to let them do online. I have one who wants to go back and one who has made it very clear that they do not want to. We'll see. Weighing the pros and cons and deciding.
As for me my D3 levels came up dramatically (from being dangerously low to being normal in about 4 months) so I get to go off that. Now I hope I can keep them up. Still sticking with the gluten free lifestyle and seeing no cause to go off of it ever. (Well especially because I can't breathe if I accidentally get some of it and it kills my stomach) anyway I am making it a bit further on my journey of discovery with it. I had tried to do it once before a few years ago but failed and what a difference that time span makes! Much easier now because a lot more people are changing to that dietary lifestyle whether for weight loss or for gluten intolerance or celiac issues. The thing is more people are finding they have that which is not such a good thing but for those of us who do have issues with it and may have suffered for years without knowing why...this means there are many more palatable things on the market that we can eat instead of buying what few nasty breads etc there were at the time. (reason for failing before) One thing is Betty Crocker has put out a whole line of gluten free stuff including bisquick which my hubby just found for me at our small local store. I was thrilled! I have a pancake mix that I am getting versatile with. (Making my own sausage egg mcmuffins with it and such) then my friend told me that Braum's has a good selection of stuff there. So we checked it out and they did. They had everything from Udi's muffins to breaded chicken and fish. Different pastas like macaroni and spaghetti and then bread mixes including cheesy bread and cinnamon rolls. I tried the Udi's double chocolate muffins which were good. We got the cinnamon roll mix (going to be a weekend project) and the cookie mix (also probably this weekend). You really do crave the breads and such. My kids and hubby all still eat just the regular stuff but I let them try mine and all say it is pretty good. I am trying to be more careful in reading ingredients as things like brown sugar syrup can have it added, etc. Even though a cereal may be a rice cereal they can still sometimes sneak that stuff in. I have an allergy problem anyway called globular sensation which essentially feels like you have a marble in your throat where the little divot is at the base. Annoying feeling. 
I just avoid what I can that I am allergic to and deal with it how I can.
Anyway right now our lives are kind of up in the air. I sense change but unsure how that will go etc for the rest of the year. Just have to wait and see I guess. A lot depends on our money situation and deciding what route to take with several things. 

Food adventures

I've sort of been on a food adventure. Apparently I have a bit of a problem with gluten/wheat. So I've had to cut that out of my diet with so far only good results. I've had Keratosis Pilaris (this link contains more info on the link between Keratosis Pilaris and gluten) which I've battled with for a long time and which also went away very quickly after starting my wheat/gluten free diet. I had started to develop breathing issues and throat swelling issues which led me to see an allergist. I found out at that time I had a wheat allergy however it was a low end one which meant it should not have an affect really. However prior to the appt I'd gone without wheat and noticed an improvement. I tried to start eating it again post appt and found all the symptoms that led to me going in the first place came back. I've gone wheat/gluten free ever since. I'd been getting mouth sores that I attributed to my lupus...those stopped entirely. Breathing difficulties mostly stopped (though I have a high allergy to cottonwood and cedar and it comes back during those) my regular allergy symptoms have not been bothering me daily like they used to. I'd had stomach issues those have pretty much stopped though I'm thinking they may take a bit longer as there is likely long term damage there. Hormonal problems have eased (I won't go into that) anxiety has decreased some. So many things. I just feel better in general. The cravings were bad at first but have lessened and I am still feeling my way around this. I can eat some cereals that are gluten free (I braved it with the reeses puffs because they are made with corn but did notice a slight issue with them ...likely due to the fact that they are made where there is wheat present so in the label it does warn "MAY contain traces of wheat") I eat potato chips and tortilla (corn) chips. I've figured out how to make brownies from Nutella by substituting regular flour with gluten free (I used Bob's red mill oat flour)  I'll post that recipe here in a few. When my family eats at Mcdonalds I order a bunless burger or a chicken bacon ranch salad and a parfait (hold the granola) I don't ask anyone to change how they cook or eat just because I am I just work around it. If the family has something say with noodles or something my hubby may cook the meat and leave some aside for me OR I just fix something else for myself. I use a lot of either canned chicken or chicken breast or fajita strips of beef or pork for lunches. Etc. Again I am still learning. 

 1 jar nutella 2 eggs 8-10 TBspns of oat flour (add til thick as desired) mix well (sprinkle nuts on top if desired or mix in) bake at 350 for about 20 minutes done when fork comes out clean. 

This recipe called originally for regular flour so you can make it with that as well. 

Hot day....killing time

 my latest artwork.... To see more you can like my facebook page at Through the Eyes of the Storm 

I am getting the urge to write more and more and I mean actual writing not just FBing or blogging. So we'll see if I ever get brave enough to actually do it. On that note I am off to draw I just wanted to share this here :) 

Too much excitement

In such a short time frame. If you've been following Oklahoma weather at all you know we've had an eventful last few weeks with multiple tornadoes touching down in some of our more populated areas. Two of them being F5's and apparently both vying for the title of the worst tornado on record. The 2nd one won that title at a whopping 2.5 miles wide. One tornado got semi-close to our area (the next town over) and we had a warning for our area one night which ended not with a tornado but with a hail storm and flooding. We've lost two large branches off our cottonwood tree and I really expect it to come down in the next couple of wind storms or so. (don't plan on any of us being in the house) 
Other than that there have been medical issues with my mom going to ER and was not herself. She was angry at me for going for awhile but things have calmed down and we are working out a new routine as she is needing more constant care than she was so working out that as well as taking care of our more immediate family as well. As for me a couple of ER trips (this had better not become the norm I HATE the ER you sit there for hours and only for them to do nothing really....well the 2nd one resulted in a prescription for an ultrasound that I have to do but still) anyway. I have decided that the way they weed out the ones that don't want to sit too long is to freeze them to death (it was cold as a walk in freezer) and play Lifetime movies til they can't stand it anymore. Oh and of course to keep you waiting so long that you wonder if you need to have your mail transferred there. If you survive all that you are taken to a room in which they poke on you for approximately 2 seconds and tell you that you need to see your dr asap (which the whole reason you went there in the first place is your dr is out of the office this week and they told you to go to ER because you needed to be seen otherwise you would not have gone in and sat through all that for hours) Such is the lovely experiences with the health field. 
On another note we saw some poor guy come in with some of his friends and was being pushed a long in a wheel chair but seemed to be in good spirits and was laughing and all. Wasn't til I saw my hubby cringe that I looked as he poked me and saw that it looked like the guys ankle was broken and was sitting at  an odd angle as well as being hugely swollen. Enough so that a lady sitting across from them while talking and laughing with them was trying to get him to cover it up with an ice pack LOL :) When he came out the nurse asked if it was broken and he proclaimed nope torn ligaments. 
In any case I am still awaiting testing but I seemed to have found out on my own that my problem may be extreme allergy related with an infection that occurred secondary to that. (my glands in my throat and along my collar bone swelled up as well as feeling like I was swallowing a large marble that wouldn't go down) anyway. 
They are wanting to test my thyroid though to rule that out. 
This time last year we were desperately wishing for rain as we were going through serious drought. Now we are getting all that rain and then some. Our rivers are over full and are eroding the banks and people have lost houses etc over it. Our two main roads to the next town were closed for a short time (well one of them for sure unsure if they actually closed the other one but they put out a warning about it and said they'd be closing that one shortly) Our lake is once again full though. No one around here has been really wanting to drink the city water because after the lakes turned it tastes and smells like it comes directly out of the lake. The fish in several of our lakes are suspected of being too high in mercury to eat.  Story on mercury Though I still want to get my husband a fishing license (and me one too but mostly him because he's been wanting one for awhile and at least this year it wouldn't be trying to fish in dry mudholes. Well that is just a quick update for now seems like for me I will always have these gaps because things of course get busy. Or rather they stay busy but sometimes they slow down for a short time.

School's out!

My kids had gotten an extra week of school as an extension but that ended yesterday so it is officially summer for our household (well yeah I know technically still spring but you know what I mean...) Today is also the start of a 4 day period of severe weather. Sitting here waiting to see if anything interesting happens. I've always been interested in the weather and I think some people take it as me being fearful of it or something...it isn't that. I get like storm chaser type excited. Always found it exciting. Right now it is suffocatingly hot and humid though so not enough energy to get too excited about it. 
I've made some dietary changes and have done pretty good at sticking with them. Mainly because of the difference I noticed all ready. I went of wheat entirely and I've noticed I don't have the constant headaches, no more throat swelling up, my nose isn't driving me crazy all the time, and my digestive issues are continuously doing better and better (no more swollen/bloated tummy as an added bonus)  Granted I miss the bread and it is hard. Especially right now when we have lofthouse cookies in the house which I love but they are alas made of wheat flour so that is a no go for me. My biggest problems is family members keep offering me things I can't have because they forget. I just have to remain strong willed and keep turning the things down and reminded them when said things are offered because I know how I felt before and how I feel now. My allergy was supposed to be minor but my dr said she'd seen other people reacting as I do to it and that was the only way they seemed to find relief of their symptoms which well... that is how it has turned out for me. It is quite possible that I have had celiac disease as well but I did not undergo testing for this so really can't say that is what it was but if so then that is also why this has been so successful for me. 
I haven't decided yet really what all I want to do this summer. I mean I do have some plans weather cooperating but we'll see. 

Centering

Listening to some Waterbone and wishing I had an alone spot. Someplace to sit and meditate preferably out in the woods. I think I found my perfect spot all ready at the new house but of course that is there not here. I also am feeling a need to release into my art or via dance. Art is a possibility but not dance really right now. Just so many things going on. Things that make the smaller things in your life that seemed big get drowned out. I will talk about the smaller for now though. My mom has to go in to figure out what is causing her tremors which she is being told may be Parkinsons. Though I am not quite as sure. I kind of think it could be in relations to the fact that her organs are shutting down. She is going through Renal Failure and they aren't going to do anything. She is also on a large amount of medications and believes fully that she will soon be like my grandpa was. Completely unable to move etc. Something she'd had nightmares about before because of that. Still having your mind but no longer having your body. I can only imagine how scary. I keep telling her she doesn't know this yet. Just hang in there til her appt. (comes up in a couple months or so) I am not sure anything will ease her fears. She is asking for a wheel chair because she can't walk really much anymore and she is trying to get her affairs in order. (This will mean full time care on our part and will soon anyway as her hands shake so bad she can hardly do anything) 
For my own problem it is small in perspective to everything else. Nothing really. I am having to go through a full dietary change that I didn't think I had to go through. Yes I am allergic to wheat, milk, peanuts, etc.....but the allergist thought I should still be able to eat it for the most part. Well it turns out that is what is causing my throat to swell. (Wheat) I talked to my dr after another episode and she says that even though the allergy is small that it is effecting me enough that I really just can't eat it. Everytime I stop I am fine. I had thought maybe something else was causing it but it isn't. This is something that you really have to take into thought how many things you eat that have wheat in them. For me having to go through a diet change at the same time as having several traumatic events happen ....not easy. Especially since I was somewhat stress eating so well maybe in the end it is a good thing I can't have it. I told my husband I don't want anyone else in my house to feel they have to eat any differently just fix what ever they would normally fix and I will work around it. (I know some people that expect everyone else to change with them and to me that is just not fair if the other people don't have the problem then why should they suffer?) It is something I am adjusting to. On another side note I've screwed up the ligaments in my foot. I am not going to go in to the other things going on because they are personal for other people and I don't feel I have a right to share that.  Rough times all around though I will say that. I keep trying to focus on positive things and positive change and that is becoming harder to do. Trying to hang in there though. I feel like I am being pushed or pulled in some direction and I am just off the path right now or something. Who knows. Hopefully that path will open up soon. Some may part ways on it but as long as that is the best for everyone then so be it. I just want to find peace again. 

Main stream Media and conspiracy theories

North Koreans train   My only thought (that isn't as laughable) is they are raising their children to be war minded (if this is accurate) and they have to grow up sometime...when they do will they have better technology and capability to carry out what they cannot now? Just a thought. Otherwise surely he is not actually basing his strategies on the same ideals as the propaganda videos of us they were putting out. People ask why the civilians of NK keep going along with their lives the way they are...it is a good example of brain washing that is why. They are steeped in this atmosphere til it becomes natural for them. This is the life they know and while we have more freedom (right now) to do our own research and etc from what I understand theirs is limited. 
Anyway I've been caught up in the news lately as has much (most?) of the US. I have noticed that the Boston Marathon bombings and the manhunt for the still missing suspect have served to act as a good time for them to bring out their new tactical vehicles and do a lot of photo ops and put them out there. Sort of a "See we told you we'd need these!" type thing it seems. News story from earlier today with photos There seems to be an ever growing number to those who are calling false flag and conspiracy theories which I have to agree that NOT EVERYTHING is a conspiracy and should NOT be treated as such though there are always those things that make you go...well that IS weird or the wonder as to why it seems things constantly seem to escalate. It seems we get used to one thing being the new normal only for that to change again and we have to adjust to that. If several years back you would have told me the military would start conducting drills in the US and we'd have drones being experimentally used (especially that Oklahoma would be a testing ground) for police work not just military work. It would have seemed too futuristic to me. Part of it is just that we are growing so quickly technologically and there are so many ways for this to be used....where do we draw the line between using it to help and using it to control. I think that is where the conspiracy theorists come in at with the analyzing of these situations. Is this occurring as a natural course of action? Or are we being pushed in the direction of becoming accustomed to these things being the norm and allowing military and police to reform their boundaries. Their question is are we being protected or controlled I believe that is what it boils down to. I honestly don't have an answer to that as I see a lot of both going on. I do analyze the crap out of the news and all and I have found that increasingly the media puts out inaccuracies and then redacts them only in turn they point their fingers at social media. I think the thing is that people using social media are mainly reposting what they read from MSM (main stream media) I think what we are seeing that is creating the conspiracy theorists are that people are starting to question their sources as MSM has been putting out so much incorrect information in the rush to be first to get the news out there. They put out conflicting stories or they put out bits of information without checking to make sure it is accurate. Partly because we in an era now where news travels so quickly that is a race between news agencies to get it out first and to hopefully beat twitter and facebook etc.....then a more recent development it seems is more and more people are latching on to sites such as Broadcastify to listen to the police scanners and get their "news" straight from the source. Even then this can prove inaccurate or confusing when things happen such as last night when they put out there the names of two suspects claiming it was them that they were searching for one of them being a missing student from Brown University and then later realizing it was not and then changing it to the two Chechnyan brothers (the MSM did this as well) only AFTER friends and family of the first two named suspects were harassed and threatened. 
Something I don't think people think about so much is that the media strongly influences peoples feelings on subjects. No I'm not saying people can't make up their own minds about how they feel....I'm saying sometime when you are watching the news pay attention to the particular wording they use when describing something. The tone they set. You may find that another news station etc will set an entirely different tone on the same story. It all is influenced heavily by the emotions that particular station etc intends to produce or enact in people. I've been really noticing that more and more. I knew this did this for ratings on certain stories etc and always have ...however if you really watch it goes a bit deeper than that. The media really does influence the public in other ways.  (yeah I know captain obvious here but it is the depth of it that surprised me I guess.) Another reason I say do your own research. Make SURE you check out multiple news sources before you pass judgement on something. 
Something else I have noticed is the hatred that spews onto the boards and comments sections of any news story, FB post, etc People seem to think that hate warrants more hate. The only thing that is happening is it is spreading it and creating more situations like this when people snap or when groups become more and more divided over hateful remarks about religions, ethnicity, etc. We are dividing ourselves and blaming it on situations like these when we should be standing together instead against it. Not pointing fingers and saying Oh because you are of this religion or of this race you shall now be grouped in with this person who did this or that. People are individuals. I can understand the anger especially about situations like this one with the Boston Marathon...what gets me is when people put all that anger on an entire ethnic group or religious group.  It disgusts me to see people stereotyping. I will post more of my thoughts on this later (maybe) 

Spring 2013

What will the spring and summer of 2013 hold for us? At this point I have absolutely NO idea. Usually I have at least some idea but not this year. None. We are attempting to move forward with some plants and have had a hard time so far due to illness. (Everyone in my house has caught that dratted cold that is going around and we can't seem to shake it) It is very frustrating but this does not look to be the overly hot and dry summer that we've had the last few years so maybe we can actually get somewhere with it. Everything for this coming year is up in the air. We'll just have to see where the cards fall. Too many transitions the last few years and they are wearing me out. Would love for things to slow down so we can take a breath and catch up so to speak but they never seem to. So many plans and so little time to accomplish anything. Or at least that is how it seems. Trying to sort things out into parts or sections so we can deal with those separately. I have started a few things though. My husband bought me some tomato plants and those seem to be going well. I am trying the experiment I'd seen recently with taking the part of the romaine lettuce that is normally discarded (in our case given to my son's guinea pigs) and planting it in a little garden and so far they are growing back nicely. My stargazer lilies are coming up really well (one had disappeared last year and I thought it was done for) my blueberry bush is getting really leafy. Even have a couple of strawberry and baby aloe plants going so in the gardening front at least we are doing well. (Still want some pepper plants and some herbs) Oh and my mint plants are taking over. Growing around where they were planted but not in that exact spot. ;) So for now we are playing everything by ear and taking each day as it comes. Will try and find time to blog when I can.

Allergy testing done

Well thankfully that is over with. Wasn't too bad just the wait but I can't blame them really for that. Short handed and being given more patients than they had room for so were having to clean up rooms to have a place to put them. I really like the nurse there. She seems really familiar to me and is super nice. Has a southern thing going on. Lots of Oh Honey and Bless your heart. Very sweet lady. They did I think 110 on my back of the scratch test. They first number it and do it in sections for like 3 different types I think and then when she went to do the little needles I think it only took her up to 2 minutes at the very most to do them all. Had a rhythm going. Poke plunk poke plunk (plunking them into the box)

Hubby and I were bored so he took photos so I could see what it looked like while waiting. Most of these weren't as bad as I'd feared thankfully but again had a few that were bad enough to be pretty noticeable  (Cedar is on my side) 

Turns out I am very highly allergic to Cedar which is what I suspected and which is what likely caused my RAD (Reactive airway disease) to act up so badly and sent me into the ER and caused so much of a problem while they were pollinating. Thankfully they are pretty much done and I've been able to breathe pretty normal here lately. I am also on inhalers which help and take Zyrtec at night. Plus  now on the D3 which the dr. told me to go ahead and take all of them at once with a good sized meal. (I have to take a mega dose because of being so low) Then they moved on to the arm test and that was like 12 spots I think. Of course the usual suspects like Ragweed and weeds and all.

 H is the histamine which is something you are supposed to react to and my Weed was as high as that. RW is ragweed. 

Can't see the rashes very well due to lighting but you can see where some had started to go down. They did bleed a little. The only real discomfort was a couple of sensitive spots but mostly the itching. You can't touch them.

 I found out I do have some food allergies but not enough to stop me from eating those foods by themselves but interestingly they are the same foods that set of my IBS and that is likely why. So something to not eat too much of.  Anyway found some food allergies I would not have even guessed.  Today I am just sore all over my back. Tiny bit bruised on my arm where they did the salt water control spot. Otherwise I'd recommend it if you suffer allergies and would like to know what to avoid. I was told shots would be a good idea but not sure on two things. 1. Since I have lupus and RA they are not generally recommended for those people so I need to ask more about that and 2. I'd have to go in weekly for 5 years. Got to make sure that would be feasible for us. We really need a better vehicle. The one we are driving now needs repairs BAD. Our actual vehicle needs repairs as well. Sucks.
Anyway that is pretty much the news health wise other than my Mom has a bunch of questions for me to help her with when she goes in to the dr. here soon. Her nurses suspect Parkinsons. We'll see what we can find out. As for me I am just having to decide about the allergy shots (tempting due to the severity of my problems this last cedar fever season) or if there are alternatives I can use since I do have lupus and RA. Either way I feel like I can better understand what was going on now and can work on doing something about it. Sometimes people mistake my talking about my health issues as my being obsessed with them or I've been accused of being a hypochondriac. (I think I'll listen to the medical professionals who actually KNOW what is going on.) In actuality I do unfortunately have a host of health issues which can reflect off one another. I am simply looking for answers and ways to make things better. As I've said before I am not a person who likes being idle. I thrive on productivity in whatever way I can accomplish that.  In regards to my kids I have every hope that they do not have the health issues that I have. So far they are pretty healthy and I am grateful. I also put my health issues out there because I know when I was trying to learn more about them it sometimes helped to hear from others with the same problems to know how they dealt with them. It sometimes helps you to know you are not alone and that they CAN be dealt with that all is not lost. I like to explore the possibilities and not just focus on the "well this sucks" aspect of it all. So far I consider myself lucky. A lot of people with the lupus and such are on a ton of medications. I've been lucky enough NOT to be as of yet. I don't like long term medications. I will take them if necessary but only if I need them. I would rather manage through a healthier lifestyle (Something I want my kids to learn as well) when and where possible. 

It is hard enough to accept that somedays I just will not have the Oopmh to do what I want or need to. 


We've had a lot we've had to put off the last month so we are really behind on our goals but with the nicer weather and having a much better idea what was going on with my health..as well as having court and all behind us. We are in hopes that we can finally move forward and maybe play some catch up now. The kids all have their testing they have to do for end of the school year. (Only downside to the online schooling) So we are having to work around that as well it is the time of year for the yearly check ups and reviews on things. We are hoping to get something done before the weather heats up too much and we can SEE some progress. 

Ball ready to start rolling

 rainbow I tried to add on here before

 smoke out by the hospital when I was leaving

Well after a long bout of constantly being sick I may be on the edge of being able to get back to good health. I wound up seeing an allergist which actually is helping more than anything else at the moment. I've spent about 3 weeks unable to get a good breath and incredibly ill. Very frustrated too as I've said before I hate being unable to be as active as I'd like. I am so tired constantly right now and feel like no matter what I do I can't get enough rest etc. Well so far I've found out I am dangerously vitamin D deficient. Soooo working on that. Have to take mega doses of that to bring it back up. Partly due to the fact that I am lactose intolerant (though I will still divulge in a bit of ice cream every now and then knowing the consequences) and I will use lactaid milk when I need to use milk for anything other than cooking. Stuff is expensive though. My youngest has to have it as well. Also due to the fact that I've been getting serious allergy reactions when I go outside I've had to stay indoors mostly (well plus it has been cold and I don't do cold) anyway so hopefully I can get that brought back up. It can cause some serious health issues such as rickets, breathing problems, weakened bones, etc. Plus a drop in immune system which I had to begin with so essentially right now I have no immune system. On the good side of it though I should start to feel a lot better as my levels increase. Will be checking back in to see how they are doing since it is something that has to be watched. On another note I am going to be doing allergy testing which should also help once I know what all to avoid and such. I may be needing allergy shots (am hoping that I don't and it is just things I can avoid that I am allergic to....well I can hope anyway) because if I need the allergy shots this means going in every week for 5 years. Blah. Though it may help just to know for sure what all I am allergic to. I hate health issues. We've had a lot of things we've had to put off here lately and I basically feel like we've lost a month. I want to move on with our lives. I don't want to just talk about it or dream about it I want to DO it.  Hopefully this next month will be much more productive. We've jumped a couple of hurdles so that should help. Really just waiting to see what is going to happen with the testing and if I need the shots because we'll have to keep that in mind. Always something. Anyway here is to hoping for better health and better progress. 

health issue hold ups

Well I was going to upload a pic with this but google is having issues with that so maybe I can add one later. In any case back in Feb I started having some breathing issues. Especially right around when I had court so I had assumed either I had caught cold or I was just feeling panicky. (court went well though so no reason to feel panicky just glad to have that over with) Anyway. Later it kept getting worse. Tight chest, feeling like I wasn't getting enough air but no real reason why. I'd had some sinus problems but it is spring and the cedar pollen count is high so that is no real surprise. Well then I had set up a drs appt to go talk to the dr. about it because it was just getting worse and it wasn't a day or so later that it got so bad that I called in I could not get a good breath walking even a few steps made me weak and dizzy my chest hurt really bad. They told me to go in to ER immediately so I did. Which is saying a lot I HATE ER. The wait is usually atrocious. Plus while I am sitting there I hear some guy come in and the nurse going OMG is that all over your body? and took him straight back while another nurse was reassuring someone she wipes everything down with alchohol LOL I didn't even turn around. I was just concentrating on breathing and my fingers by this point were blue. I get back and the male sure asked for my history and he knew right off about Sjogren's and Lupus . Which was a pleasant surprise not being discounted for it (I usually get the oh you have lupus that explains everything you are meant to suffer type response when um not everything is lupus) anyway the guy was really nice and reminded me a lot of my brother. I was sent back for X-ray and they decided I had upper respiratory and bronchitis (later my dr. when I went in for a follow up decided it didn't sound so much like bronchitis) anyway by the time I left I was still very weak but my color had returned to my fingers and such and I wasn't struggling so much. Went in to my regular dr and was not really doing much better had several dizzy spells, numbness in my arms, couldn't do crap. It was getting really frustrating because there are so many things I needed to be doing. Plus during this time frame my glasses had gotten destroyed (the scratch coat started coming up on them) and I had to get this other taken care of before I went in to the eye dr. My regular dr. gave me a shot of antibiotic and told me to take mucinex and zyrtec which I did and it helped a little. Went in and got my eyes checked and decided to order my glasses from zinni optical which I am waiting on mine to arrive. I got 2 pair for half of what I spent normally on regular glasses. Heck not even half. Lets put it this way cheaper than what I'd spend on lenses ALONE for one pair and I got scratch coat for free and anti-reflective. Anyway....so not long after that the dr. had told me to come back in if I were not getting any better and I wasn't. The day before I could call to set up with her again I nearly wound up in ER again with blue-ish fingers and racing heartbeat even though my BP and all was actually very good. Turns out it seems my asthma may be getting worse due to the cedar pollen. I was put back on advair (which I start tonight) and given a rescue inhaler and a shot of steroid which I apparently had a reaction to. My entire body itched horribly. I haven't slept in like 3 nights so I am seriously hoping to sleep tonight as the next two days will be busy for us. I am also in high hopes that the daily inhaler combined with my zyrtec will help tremendously. The zyrtec is all ready helping. I'd noticed that just being outside for a day would leave me in this state which was becoming very frustrating and irritating. We did decide though that with the discovery of the online glasses for much cheaper (seriously check them out if you wear glasses they have rave reviews) anyway we told my 2nd oldest we would get her a back up pair for her too from there when we can because she usually needs them. You can upload a photo and try your glasses on and it is realistic looking. Something I've always had a problem with when picking out glasses. I couldn't truly see what I looked like in them til after I got the finished product because for the most part I am blind....though on a good note apparently my eyes surprisingly have gotten a bit better. (surprise even to the dr. especially since right now I am wearing a 15-20 year old pair with bifocals and I don't even need bifocals anymore NOR was I wearing the in my pair that got destroyed that were a couple years old) Anyway I am off for tonight but that is what has been going on in our end of the world. 

Patience

Is a virtue but something I am somewhat lacking in at the moment. I am chomping at the bit wanting to go and work on a long term project we have going (something we aren't saying much about at this time) Something that would put us in a better place in many ways. The only thing is apparently we are supposed to wait a bit or have something else we need to be doing because the weather hasn't been cooperating (though I can't complain because we do need the rain so just going to have to wait til things are dryer) Then I was having health issues with not much of an idea what was actually going on. Apparently I had an upper respiratory infection along with bronchitis which for me is something that seems to happen about this time of year though usually not this bad. Been waking up feeling like I was drowning and having trouble breathing in general though I didn't feel like I was congested just felt like I wasn't getting enough air. Thought I was having anxiety attacks but turned out it wasn't that really other than the lack of air was causing me to feel anxious. I apparently have it pretty bad and am supposed to be resting a lot. Something that is made worse in people with Lupus/Sjogren's. The nurse guy who was there actually knew right off what I was talking about when I told him I had Sjogren's when he was taking medical history down. One of those things that usually they just look at you like "huh?" but his wife had it and he said he totally understood. My immune system is pretty much nil right now which it has been for about the past year due to stress of all sorts. So tired of it. That is something I also hope will improve when we get this project progressing and finished. Anyway for the time being though have to be patient (maybe that is my lesson in this?) and wait and try to rest and get better as I am actually so weak that the littlest things make me very out of breath and dizzy. I HATE being idle. I've never been this weak...well okay not in a long long time. I will feel okay in between but it doesn't take much so I can't push it. I am back on my diet though as well while trying to make sure I get what I need. I go in to the dr. for a follow up soon and we'll see how things are then. Don't want it to turn into Pneumonia or something I can't fight off. Anyway tired of the hold ups but must endure through them because it would only make it take longer if I didn't. I am feeling very artistic right now as well so maybe that is something I need to be working on. There is always plenty to do. May not be the things I want to be doing right now but still ...   My mind is freer than my body right now. I guess I am needing to find some balance. There is a new life waiting but just need to be patient. I am feeling like I want to crank the music up and dive into my drawing for awhile. Maybe I will get to do that soon enough.  That is another thing that will bloom I believe when this project is more progressed. There will be so much more opportunity as far as that goes. I hate being so vague but unfortunately it is necessary at this point in time. 
On a totally unrelated note I really need new headphones. My kids have been using mine when at this computer and my son especially is a bit rough on them (very fidgety and sometimes would pull the cord when he was wheeling the chair around) so now It is very touchy as to whether I get music in both ears or not. Now he is using his own headphones (which he could have done the whole time) and so does my 2nd oldest and I am stuck with my semi-functioning ones. :/ Think we need cordless but right now would be happy with ones that work. 
Anyway the future is bright but we have to work for it. Have patience. 
*also look for me to go photo crazy when things start blooming around here :) 

C'mon spring

Well life is going. Finally done with our fight with the city. Case has been dismissed and we get some of our money refunded which will promptly go to our outrageous electric bill. Now waiting on spring and warmer (dryer) weather to work on a project that needs to see some progression. I know we need the moisture so can't complain too much about the snow and such. Wanting to get a few plants (cherry bushes and such) but trying to take care of some other things first. Been busy (nothing new) so haven't been able to blog much. Will probably honestly be like that for awhile. My youngest is now doing ABC Mouse after the other kids get done with their schooling to prepare her for preschool and so far is doing great with it. :) She is learning her alphabet (sight recognition and such) rather quickly as well as being able to read her numbers. She also loves the puzzles they have on there. My son works somewhat slowly on his schooling due to his ADHD but we've set it up where so long as he does a certain amount of work a day he gets to play the gameboy and this seems to be working for him as well as he can get up and take breaks when he needs to of course (gets fidgety) My other daughter works so fast that she can go in and sit down and in an hour have a whole bunch of assignments turned in and doesn't have to spend much time in there. I think she may wind up getting done long before the end of school year. My son has a birthday coming up so need to do some birthday shopping and find something fun to do. Any way progress for us is slow but goals are coming into focus. It is just hard to wait. :) May still try to get some vegetable plants later this spring but will go for the potted variety so we can move them around. Wanting to start going for walks again weather cooperating just kind of hard to fit it in time wise but surely we can. 

On another note

All political/news thoughts aside things seem to be starting to roll forward for us finally...maybe. We'll find out for sure soon what else needs to be done to keep that ball rolling. I personally am excited yes a little nervous but definitely excited too for now. Wishing I could go into more detail but I can't. Just mainly seeing a brighter future for us. 
I see this as a year full of changes but hopefully good ones. 

Questioning

Disclaimer: I know my opinions on this are not going to be popular.This is just my personal thoughts on the so called conspiracy theorists of the Sandy Hook shooting. I say so called because that is the term being tossed out there to cover anyone who questions the parts that don't add up.

Something I have found is people are shockingly more trusting of the media/government than I had realized. I've found if you question anything such as the details of the Sandy Hook shooting (if you haven't seen the video that has gone viral right now I would be surprised....if not look it up it is labeled Sandy Hook shooting exposed) and it is full of questions about what happened. Anyway if you question those details which I was doing long before seeing the video ...you are most likely to come across people who will name call, proclaim that you probably wish all the kids had died and you are just disappointed (ouch...really?) that you are a tin foil hat wearing member of the cuckoo club. Some of this is due to the media dealing with people questioning things by labeling them conspiracy theorists. I find this seems to be a grown up version of high school mental games. Peer pressure in a way. If you question it you must be a tin foil hat conspiracy theorist as well and are to be viewed as crazy. Thus in doing this they discredit anyone who dares to say "Hey this doesn't look right" and hopefully keep any others from asking questions. 
Sorry I'm not in high school anymore. I do research and look for answers. Whether someone else approves of me doing so or not. 
Something else I've heard is "Why would the media lie to us? They never lie." Yes seriously someone said this to me and without the intention of being sarcastic. I've found the media can take any story and twist it to what they want the public to see. Also Fox news has been caught in a lie or two before to put it lightly and are well known for putting their own spin on things yet there are far too many who watch them mouths open drooling and soaking in every word without question. There is no way anyone can convince me that the news portrays the truth and the whole truth. Even if they did it is not the media by themselves that I question. In the Sandy Hook story if you haven't reviewed the coroners interview please do and then come back and tell me there isn't something wrong. He stated that each one was shot 3-11 times by a shot gun.....really? How? and then you hear a police officer correct him from the crowd and inform him that wasn't right. Now I have heard a list of some things that were "debunked" and I appreciate that someone took the time to find some answers rather than the name calling and horrible accusations (though they were still a bit snide) here is that list Though one I have a problem with is I did go and look for more photos of the scene that were taken right after and what did I did find did was still pretty devoid of ambulances and such and it only appears a very few children were taken out. I do still have many questions that bother me about this and I'm sorry but I'm not going to just swallow it because someone else tells me to. I will do research on it and that is what I'd recommend anyone else do. However I would like to state that if you fully believe it is all for real and you come across someone else who does not...do not resort to the name calling  and such just because they have questions about it. Maybe you could offer your opinion to debunk it or you could agree to disagree. Then again does anyone do that anymore? 
People tend to be automatically nasty to each other anymore. 
In any case another thing I was told was "The government wouldn't do anything like this to the american citizens" um....yeah actually they could. What would cause more of a disturbance to the people and strike closer to home? What would they question the least? What would blind them with emotion? Mainly because it is sacred ground and just not something anyone wants to think about or discuss because it is such a sore topic and no one wants to imagine anyone doing that with a political agenda in mind? It would be a form of psychological control. Manipulating the mindset of many at one time through a tragedy.  Not saying that is what happened for sure but saying it is possible for that to be done. Whether they had involvement in the tragedy itself or not is questionable. (some think people are saying no one died....that is not necessarily true.....there may be some people saying that but some are saying that the guy who did the shooting was set up to do so.....as for my own opinions on that I don't know right now what to think) Anyway there are some odd facts surrounding the shooter that while mentioned on the main news sources aren't being talked about a lot. Some mystery that might shed some light on things one way or another. These people (the gov.) are the same people who have been known for testing their own soldiers and using them as guinea pigs  My Mom remembers this as being from her era. I completely understand that those are not kids in this example but I am talking about on a larger scale. As quoted somewhere in that story if the American citizens were aware of what was going on they would have stopped it. Damn straight! Just as with the people that are asking questions with the story of the shooting. If you had any doubt in your mind would you not question it and try to get to the bottom of things (at least as much as you could) to make sure that something like that is not going on? Or at least feel less unsettled about it. No one wants for any of it to have happened at all. No one wants for anyone to experience more grief but we want to make sure there was not something more afoot. Give us a chance to put our minds at ease instead of bashing those who question. Another thing is by asking questions that is how people would normally figure out what can be changed to keep something like that from happening again. (In our local school they lock all the doors....some schools have to buzz people in after they are identified) etc. What can be learned to lower chances of such a loss in the future? I don't honestly believe that the gun control laws they are passing are going to do it. If anything I think it could cause more of an unsettled public among the law abiding citizens....the ones who weren't a problem to begin with. 
Another thing that goes along with that.....what is up with the stupid drones? They claim this will bring in more jobs to Oklahoma but from what I understand our airforce is losing jobs so wouldn't those just be jobs that are being replaced? Not new ones? Not to mention the absolute creep factor?? Does anyone actually really look up anymore? I can remember as a kid seeing blue skies with the occasional plane going over. Now you can't look up without seeing several planes, jets, helicopters, whatever going overhead. They fly much lower now as well. Sometimes in the middle of the night and sometimes low enough to make you wonder if you are having an earthquake because of the vibrations shaking your house. I have seen the little police drones on channel 25 news and those things remind me of something about of some futuristic sci-fi movie. Cool on the sci-fi movie not so much IRL. :/ 

winter illnesses/other news

Yes I know I've covered the flu before but I am going to make this a two blog night as I'd been following some stories on winter illnesses. I hate winter for that reason it seems like they all come out of dormancy and I wish I could just hibernate. I have to fight my lupus, Sjogren's and whatever illness I am fighting at the same time all at once (not to mention my other autoimmune problems)

anyway several going on
More on the Norovirus and the flu (I can remember as a kid the classroom being almost totally empty with it in the winter) 

In other news a bit of an interesting mystery , San Diego gets cold, So does Jerusalem .... while Australia has their own mini apocolypse  with fires, extreme heat, and dust storms. 

Water ...or lack there of

I'd been wondering about the lake levels as of late especially knowing that we are in an ongoing drought. Last night after watching a news story on Norman doing water rationing and showing photos of Lake Thunderbird I decided to research it some myself and we are really not doing so well water-wise.....Or Drought wise.... Apparently this drought is expected to go on for several more years. I put a bunch of the information on my facebook and decided I needed to blog it as well. 

and....as I go to find the stories I'd found I find that facebook is continuing to twiddle with the timeline and I can't find crap on it. :/ soooo anyway here is me doing the research all over again. 

Drought Monitor Oklahoma is under Exceptional or Extreme almost entirely....without an end in sight (even though we have gotten a little rain over the last couple of days it was not enough to even make a dent though it was very welcomed) 
Drought expectations D3 Extreme drought major crop or pasture losses;Extreme fire danger;Widespread water shortages or restrictions.....and yet we still have people around here burning stuff. 
Fox 25 story on Norman water restrictions and Thunderbird low lake levels. The photos remind me of the photos we took of Tecumseh lake awhile back. We haven't been by in awhile to see it. Need to go sometime.
More on Lake Thunderbird There are more photos and details here 
Lake Hefner all time low down about 17 feet. 
I will be continuing to watch the news stories on this.

SSI/Disability and Economic debt (that part towards the end)

Some thoughts on SSI/Disability. People act like people get on them to get a free ride. First of all if you get on it you have to go through a very extensive and exhausting process. It isn't like you just walk in and say I can't work and they say Okay and give you a check. Or like you can pick a dr that will say you are disabled *wink wink* and issue them a statement. They will send you to their own drs of their choice and sometimes several ones. They will obtain proof. You WILL jump through hoops for them. Most people are also denied the first or even second time to weed out those who aren't as serious as well. Now I will disagree about some things being allowed as disabilities (these are just my own personal opinion) like alcoholism/drug addiction. Yes those will disable you but there should be something else done in those situations. 
Another thing is here people seem to picture people living off that as a source of income and living it up or something. You actually do not get that much. You barely get anything to live on in that circumstance and you wind up stuck in a situation where you are not allowed to get ahead. Meaning getting off of it is not easy there is no real middle ground. When I got on it I had been trying to work to support myself and my 3 kids and when I could no longer work due to issues with my autoimmune disease as well as severe PTSD from what I'd been through combined (I was sick constantly and had collapsed at work later it was determined I'd stroked *ministroke*) I did not find out til later it was just the tip of the iceberg and I have multiple autoimmune diseases. I wasn't getting child support at the time and had to have some type of income to help take care of my kids. I will say it helped. I was able to keep a roof over our heads and such. Anyway.... 
The thing is when you are on it there are several things keeping you from getting ahead. You are not allowed to save any money. You can't put anything aside or it counts against you. (I think you  may be allowed up to $500 at most) If you get any income (I.E. if sell something or do a little work and get over a certain amount) it counts against you. One thing they could do is maybe come up with a program for people who are disabled to do at home work. Depending on their disability. They do have the ticket to work program which isn't quite the same. But I would imagine there are plenty of people like myself who would love to have a job at home like that. There are plenty of us who want to feel more useful. 
I've actually had people ask how hard can it be to start up an at home business? Why don't you just do that? I wish it were that easy. I can't do daycare because my home is not equipped for that. (maybe if I were in a newer home and we have so many dr appts and such it just wouldn't be feasible) Avon...tried it. I actually lost money on that one. Same for any of those type of jobs. You also have to be able to get out and sell and with mine I am spotty on when I can get out and do stuff. Plus you have to have a good customer base (Now that they have the online sale thing it might be different....but you come back to that you may make over your allowance one sale period and not enough the next but still never enough to make it off disability) That is another thing. It would be nice if you were allowed to make a supplemental income. You might be able to turn that into a business and get off of it. Most of the at home businesses you see are scams or would require you to have more than you can afford to start them. Keeping in mind most all would require something to start up. You would need supplies etc and that costs. Another thing is a lot of the things that people could do not so long ago now require a license etc to do when they didn't before. 
When I was out and about I tried doing my murals. The people who had me do them loved them but I really didn't make any money at it (mainly bartered) and there is more competition than you might think around this area for it. That and window painting. 
I decided I wanted to take and refurbish/paint furniture. Again I have a friend who loves to find things like that for me to do and I did hers and got rave reviews on it. It seems to go over well. However living where I am now if you get furniture and put it under your carport to sand/paint the city comes after you so that is a no go. Thinking moving out of the city may make it possible to progress and do what it is we love and want to do and I may be able to work my way off disability. I would love that. 
I've been told having a computer is a luxury that I shouldn't have. Maybe not but in this day and age it is a big connection to the world and I've found it has helped tremendously in every day life. My kids use it to do their schooling. I use it for research and an outlet as well as being able to do things that offer me a chance at progressing in life. So to me it is a bit more than a luxury. It is an important piece of equipment. It has reached a point where most of those places (DHS and such) expect you to have one. 
There are so many reasons right now I can't list them all. 
They blame SS for the reason the economy is so bad. What about credit cards? SSI is money that is constantly circulating. Credit is not. People get credit cards and then get into debt and sometimes may never be able to pay it back. It is basically issuing a bunch of IOU's. Why is it you never hear of that being referred to as a possible cause of debt? 
Another thing to note is in the past there were things people could do to make income for themselves when they couldn't actually work. Things that would still make them feel at some level a productive member of the community. Such as raising a garden, or chickens, or rabbits and selling or trading for items with those goods.....these things are no longer allowed within towns anymore for most part...which means you have to live outside of town to even get that option...in turn that means you have to have money for land. As a whole society is no longer really set up for self suffiency in that manner. Also most homemade goods are now regulated. You can't even bring homemade goods to your childs school for birthdays and such anymore much less sell things like that for supplemental income without having to spend the start up costs to have it regulated. I remember as a kid doing odd jobs to make money that if I were a child of today I wouldn't have been able to do because they aren't allowed anymore. I know people who cut hair or pierced ears in their home.....nope have to be licensed. Sold baked goods etc...nope have to be licensed and regulated. 
So in short Yes I do think there should be more job opportunities and progression involved in Social security disability....I hope to eventually not have to have mine anymore....No I do not think it is really the majority of the cause of the economic problems in the US.
On another note I think some countries have found ways to deal with their economic problems. 
Greece < they have returned to the bartering system in some areas. 
Something else to think about. People are bitching about people being on social security but they never seem to say a word about what is being spent on people in prisons. Their schooling and such. They say we aren't productive enough members of society...what about those that are in long term? So I guess they deserve a better life than those who are disabled? 

Just to add: Wikipedia on prison care/costs  

Perchance to dream

I don't get a whole lot of sleep these days really. Last night in particular was one of those where it was daylight before I got to really fall asleep and then the phone rang got up dealt with that (was my mom or I'd have ignored it) got back to bed fell asleep starting having some weird mixture of nightmare mixed with good dream only for the phone to ring again this time waking my youngest so I had to get up too. :( 
In any case I've had some really weird dreams lately and everyone else I've talked to have had weird or vivid ones too. Some of mine I can't say much about (vivid...not bad) but some I can and I thought I'd put them in there. I have had some really destructive type dreams like one there was a cyclone that had come in and so we all had to go to some building I am guessing the hospital (don't ask me why it was a cyclone...this is Oklahoma I know but hey weird things have happened LOL...it is a dream so I don't question the technicalities LOL) anyway and my mom had gotten sick again so was either all ready there or it happened after but anyway there were a bunch of city officials sitting in the cafeteria where my family was and were talking about something (can't remember what it was exactly but whatever it was made me upset) and we couldn't leave because there was another cyclone coming in (which pretty much fits well with how things go around here one big thing after another) and we were having to move and all so I guess a somewhat metaphorical view of what we are going through now.
The second was also a disaster dream. Something about fires popping up all over the place. The transformers on the light poles were blowing and there were explosions everywhere. (This kind of goes with another one I had) Can't remember much else to that one. Then there was one where I was shifting into a dragon. I haven't had a shapeshifting dream in awhile and I always thought these were cool. The funny thing though is there was something I had to fight but I had to go into this pond first under the water to retrieve something. It wasn't a very big pond but it was murky dark water and it was cold and I was terrified. I kept trying but I don't know if I actually did it by the end of the dream or not. this one says to me there is something you are strong enough to overcome that you are afraid of and you must dive in and overcome your fears if you are to succeed sorta thing. Then I've had a few about certain people good and bad. Right now I'd prefer to be asleep. Very very tired. Oh and we've also had a plane flying over in the wee hours of the morning before daylight that sounds as if it buzzes the house when it goes over. Seems to be a personal plane or cropduster. They even do that tilting thing where they come up on their side the last few times I've seen it. We've also had commercial planes and such come very low. There has been an unusual amount of air traffic as of here lately. Kind of disconcerting with the low fly overs and such.