Goodbye 2012

Well most everyone I've talked to has said that things changed for them in 2010 and have continued to change since then. For us it is the same. One thing after another happening and keeping us constantly on our toes. Sometimes it might be nice to kick back and not have anything going on to worry about. Would be nice even if that time is short it would be appreciated. In any case there are some things I have learned about myself. 
1. I am better at expressing myself in writing than with speech. I think this is likely true for a lot of people but especially me. Growing up I was shy ...so shy I couldn't speak whenever spoken to or look people in the eyes or I'd blush so badly. I'd blush all the time horribly whether I was feeling embarrassed or not. I grew out of that but I'm still not good with the talking face to face I guess. Something I need to work on.
2. I am not good at forcing issues when it is for someone that is going to affect someone negatively. I am having to deal with a situation like that now and it is very difficult. It seems I run into it a lot and it never gets easier. :( Now if it is something I feel strongly about and I am advocating for people than yes much easier but when it is having to make someone do something they don't want to do and they have to struggle with.....no it is very difficult because it is completely against my nature to do that. (this especially comes when you are having to do role reversal with a parent.....you are 
used to them being the one in control not you and it is so unnatural to have to tell your parent what to do.....SIGHHHHH) 
3. Sometimes it is really hard to express how I feel to someone when I know they aren't going to be happy or willing to hear it. I guess I'm a softy when it comes to that. This really applies to people I care about but even when dealing with people that I don't have that emotional bond with I tend to be overly diplomatic which may be why I seem to deal with people well in those ways even when I don't feel comfortable. I am a good listener I guess.... When I get fired up though then look out. :P Even my hubby says that. He's seen me get fired up and angry or upset about something which of course I usually express through writing or art and he just says outta her way for now LOL. :) usually he says this with an amused grin kinda thing too LOL 
4. I don't usually handle change well at all. It stresses me out but after the sheer amount of change we've gone through the last few years alone I am getting better at it. Then again after a lifetime of trauma I can deal with more than I give myself credit for at times. 
5. I underestimate myself all too often. I am working on this but a lot of times I will doubt myself when I shouldn't. I guess I still catch myself downing myself a lot. My second oldest likes to give me checks on this. She is always trying to make me feel good about myself and I appreciate it. :) I hope she always keeps the positive outlook for herself as well. Sometimes she over does. Like when I say I need to lose weight...NO YOU DON'T...um no seriously I'm not trying to down myself on that one I really do LOL 
6. I have a hard time with willpower when I am overly stressed. (Like oh say with dieting and exercise LOL) 
7. I have a thing I do when I remember things that I am curious to know if this is the same for everyone else...When I remember something the memory for me is like a snapshot. Like I am looking at a photo. When I say this I mean like an actual old photo or video. So no not like a photographic memory where you remember everything or anything like that but just like looking at a photo. Anyway maybe silly but that is something my Mom and I were talking about one day. Sometimes this does help though in remembering details (such as the color and make of a car) or it can hurt in which you are remembering something that you really don't want to remember all the details in. :/ Could be quite normal just curious.
8. Some other little things are I am learning diet wise which works for me and what doesn't....as in what sets off my auto-immune issues and stomach problems and what is safe ...what to avoid entirely and what to only indulge in on occasions when I don't have plans the next day because I know I won't be feeling all that great. 
9. I am also doing better with finding my stressors that set off my anxiety or panic attacks or agoraphobia (which I am making some headway with very proud of that...the headway not the anxiety problems LOL) 
Lots of other things but I thought it might be interesting to put those down. You can always learn new things about yourself no matter how old you are or where you are in your life. Some can be quite positive and may surprise you and some may be things you need to change for a better quality of life for you but only you can determine what and how. If someone else is changing them for you it is not really change you want to bring about yourself or even change that would be better for you. Better for them not you. You are responsible for you and no one else ....though that piece of advice of course is good unless you are a parent or caregiver LOL Then it gets complicated. :/ :P Sometimes you do have to stop in the middle of everything and step back and examine it all. (Random though) Is this where you want to be? Is there anything you can do to improve things? What changes do you want in your life....not meaning the new years resolution type that will go down the drain in about a week or month if you are lucky....but what long term goals can you picture for yourself. Where would you like to see yourself in a year or two? How can you see yourself reaching that goal? (those would be your shorter term ones) Make it happen for yourself. I am working on mine. There are some I know I will never achieve but I can't say I didn't try and the trying is a journey into itself. The ones I won't achieve are dreams anyway....and who knows. Something my Mom once told me is that nothing is ever 100 percent. This can sound negative but it isn't meant to be. Nothing is ever 100 percent for sure. Everything changes constantly. Here is to hoping 2013 is a positive year with positive changes for us all. Full of growth and learning and new discoveries. 

Happy Holidays

Well we are kind of taking a break from it all through the holidays. Just focusing on family and friends and such and trying to relax some. All too soon the kids will be starting their online schooling again and this time around we have a router so they can use both computers and maybe we won't be so rushed at the end. Hoping it goes better though we will have a lot going on for the new year. Many plans and things in the works. A lot of which have to wait til some warmer or at least clearer weather. Still some kinks to work out. Hopefully things will continue to fall into place for us. We need to get our chainsaw working again so we can finish cutting up this big pine tree half out back to get rid of it...if not I'm going to have to use an axe or something and that is just a pain in the butt. I am considering myself on break right now. No big projects like that til after. I am not doing so great diet wise. I think that is one thing the holidays has been too good for me with... :/  I told hubby I do want to keep trying though and I may need some encouragement. We'll see how that goes. Really part of my problem is it is cold and I am not active when it is cold. I have RA and it HURTS plus I can't use my hands really when they are cold. It sucks. I have so many plans I'd love to talk about but really can't on here yet. Not til we get a bit further along with them. I've basically had my thoughts confirmed that this city is going to shit and we're definitely not the only ones that have noticed. I do see a brighter future for us though if things go the way I am hoping. I am just anxious for spring. Wishing it were here all ready.  Hoping life slows down though I doubt it will. Anyway have things to do so have to go for now but may actually blog more later. 

Ready to Move

I haven't had much chance to blog. Had too much going on and the kids are online a lot doing their school work. Maybe I'll have more time over break though I dunno. They are in the countdown they have a certain length of time to finish up their assignments before then. We are looking at the possibility of moving. Not sure how/where/when yet still sorting things out but hopefully we'll get it all sorted out. 
Would like to get somewhere that we can have our chickens and whatever other livestock plus a decent sized garden...a pond would be awesome too!!!! Would like to work our way more towards something with a well, solar panels, mostly off grid but still with some amenities (not ready to go offline LOL) I feel like our city is changing in such a way as that it isn't going to be a good place for us anymore. 
Some interesting stories to follow in the news
Louisiana sink hole Some research on this is interesting. The sheer size and the effect on the residents as it continues to grow. At this point they've found H2S gas. 
Mysterious Tremors in Texas
anyway I know this was a short blog but will do more when I can.